Separation - I feel like I'm going mad

[Rabbitheartedgirl]

H and I have recently decided to separate.

We're still living together but I've just moved into the spare room, and we are thinking about trying mediation to sort things out.

I feel dreadful - I haven;t told many people in RL yet. My family know and are being supportive but I feel so totally overwhelmed by it all. I'm trying to put on a brave front for DS but it isn;t really working.

H seems to be coping atm, he wasn;t initialy.

How do people get through this?

[wheniwishuponastar]

can you get yourself a therapist?

[purplepeony]

is there no way you can move out- or your H? It seems very tricky to me to be separated but living under the same roof.

is your house on the market?

do you have DCs?

[Rabbitheartedgirl]

I can't really afford to see a counsellor

We were seeing someone for relationship counselling but it didn;t get very far.

I've kind of initiated the situation but now I feel so miserable about it all.

[purplepeony]

and? can either of you move out?

It sounds as if you either need a clean break to follow your decision through, or you need to talk to your H as it looks as if you are having 2nd thoughts.

[Rabbitheartedgirl]

PP, H won;t move out - he wants to buy me out of the house although I don;t think he will be able to afford it and I don;t want him to.

I can;t afford to move out, and don;t want to until we have agreed what is going to happen.

So for the moment we are stuck like this

[Rabbitheartedgirl]

Not second thoughts, I know it;s the right decision, I just feel really sad

[Confusedanddazed]

RHG - I understand how sad you are feeling, I am in the same boat albeit not living under the same roof.

If there really is no way one of you can move out is there any way that you can stay with friends / family 1 or 2 nights a week?

This would at least give you both some breathing space and time away from him. It really must be bloody hard to try and work things through while you are still in each other's way.

If you could stay out for a couple of nights, it would also give you an excuse to go out, vent your spleen with friends and show your H that you're quite capable of going out and enjoying yourself (even if you're not really having the best time!)

[purplepeony]

Have you both seen solicitors re. the money and division of assets?

[lilac21]

I'm you seven months down the line...at last Friday's mediation session he agreed to pay me two thirds of my share of the equity, which I've agreed to because at least then I can get out of this house. I spent a week at my parents recently and came back here and it felt like going back to prison. We don't get along well, the children were aware of it because of the atmosphere even though we weren't arguing. Please see a solicitor so at least you know where you stand. It's already a year since I knew my marriage was over and finally I can see a glimpse of the future. I started househunting within hours of us reaching that agreement. The girls are moving out with me and they are coping really well.

You might find wikivorce website helpful, I have. Good luck.