My head is full of questions and I feel reluctant to explore them. That's not good is it?
Why is it that when an issue comes along between DP and me that it feels like it ends in a character assassination of what a shit girlfriend I am and how crap our relationship is, I end up crying (who wouldn't) and try really hard to be 'better'. If I were to be an attentive chatterbox who kept the house clean and tidy, who loved giving blow jobs and demanded sex everyday - what would happen then?
Would he stop taking pictures of his cock on his phone "to big himself up"? Is it my fault he feels inferior? Should I be showering him with compliments? If I complimented him or loved giving oral or had a higher sex drive would he never have gone on those websites posting pictures of himself?
If I did everything his way - putting the washing up bowl the 'right way' round in the sink for example, would he be irritated by some other annoying thing I do? Maybe these little things wouldn't irritate him if he wasn't sexually frustrated.
Is he drinking more? He says no I am not so sure. It was the one and only issue I tentatively raised during our most recent ?discussion? and he decided to "disregard it". Will he always have money to spend on lager but not to pay off his debts/ take his family for a day out / pay towards a holiday or household project?
Am I boring? Lazy? Unattractive?
Is that why he seems to prefer other people?s company rather than being in the house with just me and DS? I feel sometimes that he is very uncomfortable in himself, and instead shifts the focus onto me.
Sometimes we are happy, and get along fine - or so I think, and then we have another row or revelation and it makes me wonder if there is ever a moment where we are both happy with each other. Maybe we can?t make each other happy. I really want to think that we can.
I am also worried I may have some aspergers symptoms. I don't like giving eye contact, I hate social events and situations, struggle with conversations and friendships, and am anxious all the time.
Have namechanged - if you 'recognise' me please don't out my usual name. Our latest discussion was on Friday night after seeing a picture on his phone of himself, he wasshowing me some innocent pics and scrowled the wrong way.
Is it me?
Writing all those questions down was so hard. I am scared to post this but know I can't ignore it and brush over how upset I was Friday night - saturday morning.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Questions about my relationship (Long sorry)
AboardtheAxiom · 30/08/2009 23:07
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