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Help me think of some new expletives to describe my husband please

(65 Posts)
ExtraFancy Sun 30-Aug-09 20:21:01

This is going to be long, so bear with me...some background:

I've been married for 5 years and have a 2yo DS. I've had PND recently and DH is suffering from depression too - currently on ADs.

We live about 200 miles from my family, his family are near-ish. We are in our late 20s.

I recently found out I am pregnant again - unplanned, I had been on the mini pill.

I've been doing my best to support DH during a difficult few weeks - he is unhappy at work, feels 'trapped' in marriage/children situation but says he still loves me, so I've been trying hard to help him.

The other night he told me he had thought of a solution to our marriage problems. He thinks it would be wrong to separate as it would have a negative effect on DS, who apparently is his biggest priority. Instead he has suggested (get ready, it's a blinder) that we share a house for the sake of DS, but tell everyone else we're not actually in a relationship any more, and (this is the best bit) he should be free to have relationships/sex with other people if he wants to!

I know, it's taken me about three days to actually get my head round this. Apparently if I/other people can't handle this, it's because they are too narrow-minded and why should anyone dictate what a marriage should/shouldn't be?

So basically he thinks I will agree to live with him, but not have sex with him/act like his wife, and happily welcome his new girlfriends into our home hmm When I objected to this and said we might as well just separate, he took offence at the suggestion as it would be 'bad for DS' to have separated parents...

I have told him I'm not going to get rid of this pregnancy as I would regret an abortion for ever- I do not want to be grieving for a lost child as well as a fucked marriage. His response was that I've got no right to object to him sleeping with other people then, as 'it's his body and he can do what he likes', just like me keeping this pg. Great parallel, no? (Did I say hmm yet?)

So who would like to join me in thinking up some choice ways to describe this proposal? Honestly, I am on the verge of tears constantly, and if I don't get angry I will just sit and cry.

Before anyone suggests it, I am already looking into rent prices in the area my family are from. Just need a bit of an MN kick up the arse (cos we dont' do hugs, do we wink)

thesouthsbelle Sun 30-Aug-09 20:23:33

he's proposing an open marriage is he then?

hmm... well either way u do have a right to object you're the wife - TWAT!!

Tortington Sun 30-Aug-09 20:24:32

he is a cockmuncher of the highest order

do yourself and your children a favour and hold out for someone who values and loves you


CarGirl Sun 30-Aug-09 20:25:06

I am shock that he can't understand why you won't agree to it!

whyme2 Sun 30-Aug-09 20:26:06

He sounds a totally selfish dickwit.

twoclimbingboys Sun 30-Aug-09 20:26:15

If you were wanting that lifestyle then fine. But you obviously don't so how dare he keep pushing it - that is awful. To compare shagging around to keeping a pregnancy? angry

You would be much better off single than with someone who would treat you like this.

HelenHighwater Sun 30-Aug-09 20:26:27

Try this website for some v inventive terms to direct towards him

Wonderstuff Sun 30-Aug-09 20:26:42

Oh hunny, what a horrid situation. He is being a completely selfish arse. Get angry, moving near your family seems a great idea.
((hugs)) for you and he is...
Totally divorced from reality

AbricotsSecs Sun 30-Aug-09 20:27:08

Message withdrawn

tinkerbellesmuse Sun 30-Aug-09 20:27:37

What a total fuckwit.

Has he mentioned how he feels about you having a relationship with someone else....


Tidey Sun 30-Aug-09 20:27:51


AbricotsSecs Sun 30-Aug-09 20:29:01

Message withdrawn

Paolosgirl Sun 30-Aug-09 20:29:37

Shit for brains

Get out of there, fast. You deserve much more than this - give him his freedom on a plate and watch him choke on it. And make sure you don't thump him on the back or perfom the heimlich manoeuvre.

cocolepew Sun 30-Aug-09 20:30:01


puffling Sun 30-Aug-09 20:30:23

He's beyond outrageous. What are you going to do now?

HeadFairy Sun 30-Aug-09 20:31:13

Can I just say shock

I am speechless and can't possibly think of an expletive sufficient to describe that kind of ignorance.

Tidey Sun 30-Aug-09 20:31:42

Has anyone said Fuckmuppet yet?

poorbuthappy Sun 30-Aug-09 20:31:59

Once I've picked my jaw up from the floor...


ExtraFancy Sun 30-Aug-09 20:33:59

Oh no, apparently it wouldn't be an open relationship as he won't be sleeping with me/in the same room any more. He wouldn't want to be a hypocrite (his words)

If I wasn't so angry I would just collapse I think. I did ask him if he would like to ring my mum and dad and see what they think of his suggestion but strangely he didn't take me up on it...

HecatesTwopenceworth Sun 30-Aug-09 20:34:01

I assume you'd be free to bring men home too?

And that you wouldn't be cooking or cleaning for him and that he'd have 50% of housework tasks allocated to him on a rota?

Tell him these things and see what he says!

(Glad you are getting out btw!)

catsmother Sun 30-Aug-09 20:35:01

If this is supposedly all about keeping up appearances for DS's sake, how the heck is he going to explain the strange women (plural) he proposes bringing back home whenever he likes ? That's really going to make a young child feel safe and secure isn't it hmm

Sounds like he wants to ahve his cake and eat it. Bet if no-ne falls for his charms he'll try it on with you anyway - but in the meantime, his standard of living doesn't change as there's no separation / maintenance etc to worry about ..... and he probably fondly imagines that you'd continue to be delighted to wash his scuzzy pants and have dinner waiting on the table for him when he gets home from work.

Seriously .... this is appallingly selfish. Maybe he is scared by the pregnancy - hence his twattish reaction to it (and ridiculous justification of shagging about by comparing "my body" scenarios) but it seems the idiot has somehow forgotten .... errr ..... that he also had something to do with the baby you're expecting. If he feels affronted at your "temerity" in keeping it, he should have damn well thought about the repercussions of having sex - sorry, but no method of contraception is 100% reliable and he's acting like a pathetic spoilt brat because both of you have been caught out (not just you).

I'm not sure I'd have it within me to forgive this sort of cruel crassness but of course that's for you to decide. At the very least, were I to stick with him, I'd want him to agree to counselling but if he's adamant this is the sort of life he wants, let him have it - but not at your emotional expense. Let him shag about if he must but not in your face ...... and not in a shared home, where, let's face it, were you eventually to move on and start thinking about a new partner, you'd hardly want to bring back your new fella with the so-called ex husband lurking in the background like a bad smell - no normal person would imagine that was appropriate, for all sorts of reasons (except him).

Tidey Sun 30-Aug-09 20:35:51

So.. you'd remain married legally and in the same house, but you'd be more like housemates?

Tell him to go and whistle up a flagpole. Also 'Fuck off, come back, then fuck off again' is a vey satisfying thing to say.

ExtraFancy Sun 30-Aug-09 20:38:06

Hecate I have indeed suggested all those things, and he agreed! So basically I would have an ex-husband for a lodger. I'm sure that would go down fabulously with any potential new man...

I did point out that any woman willing to have a relationship with a man who still lived with his wife would be a completely desperate scabby bitch bit weird but he seems to think differently hmm

(Thankyou all BTW, he is out this evening and if I wasn't here on MN I would be crying into a bottle of gin)

whyme2 Sun 30-Aug-09 20:38:30

So basically he just wants to be a lodger in your house? Or he wants you to be a lodger in his house.

whyme2 Sun 30-Aug-09 20:40:05

Change the locks while he's out.

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