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Bf Problems

(7 Posts)
nickyb86 Sun 30-Aug-09 13:00:58

Ive been with my DP for nearly a year, and were on and off for the year before that.
Im 23 and he is 24 and im 15weeks pregnant.
Were living with his parents as my mum doesnt approve of our pregnancy so hense i dnt want to live their.
I got made redundant in may and have since fouund a part time job nannying. he works full time and brings home 1000 a month. ive worked out out budget and since he has a car on finance we can afford to buy, and private renting seems an impossiblilty where we live. so weve appiled to go for council housing which i didnt wanna do as i wanted to be able to fend for myself.
Ive since found myself another part job to get some more money in as ive been stressting big time, and then as i was filing all his bank statements away, i notice he is 2500 into his overdraft!!
how the hell can we bring up a baby or live somewhere when we will have no money!
and now he has been shouting at me sayin its none of my buisness and i shudnt have gone through his things!

Ive had enough and just wanna walk away but i cant, i just wanna SCREAM!!

SheWillBeLoved Sun 30-Aug-09 13:10:29

I wouldn't worry about the money side of things, you'll get help and babies really don't cost that much. I'd worry about the fact that he failed to tell you about another debt he has when you're working your arse off to make your situation work.

Oh, and you can always walk away. Especially as you aren't married. A child together doesn't mean a life together as I've recently found out.

nickyb86 Sun 30-Aug-09 13:19:36

He should of told me and that is what really pisses me off. I stopped doing all the things i wanted to do, eg going to gym, wild shopping trips etc, mainly cos, A - i was on limited income and cudnt justify it, and B im having a baby and wanna have money saved so we cud b comfortable. my baby comes first not me.

But when i spoke to him about cutting things that arent necessary he doesnt take a blind bit of differce! He still pays for golf and gym memberships which isnt cheap, buys all the golf stuff, has an expensive car which isnt cheap to run! and when i spoke to him that we cudnt afford to keep his nice 3dr car and that we shud consider sharing mine as its cheap to run and is all paid for, he point blank refused and decides he is going to get a nicer 5 dr car! what on earth? does he think money grows on trees???

FabBakerGirlIsBack Sun 30-Aug-09 13:21:34

Sort this or it will just get worse.

It would be a deal breaker for me.

RealityIsNOTDetoxing Sun 30-Aug-09 13:23:12

Message withdrawn

SheWillBeLoved Sun 30-Aug-09 13:24:12

I'm sure he knows it doesn't, he just sounds very reluctant to let go of the lifestyle he has now. I wouldn't expect him to give up everything - if he works for his money then he can choose to spend it on whatever he wishes. However, with a child on the way, I'd at least expect him to have to decency to compromise as you are and make sure that this baby wanted for nothing, and you were both able to live comfortably with a baby. If he doesn't fancy that, then you're probably best off out of it now.

ZippysMum Sun 30-Aug-09 13:25:09

Nicky, It's him you need to talk to about this. But you will need to be very calm.

If you plan to bring up your child together, you will need to negotiate your way through lots of tricky situations, and money often causes tension between couples.

Wait till you have both calmed down, and talk to him like you are 'in this together', rather than making it a confrontation. Even if you end up splitting up, your child needs a father and you will need to be able to be civil to each other to arrange contact.

As others have said, you may end up parenting your child alone. So you also need to make sure you are financially secure. Try to save some of your wages every week so you build up a little 'nest egg'. Make sure it is in your own account.

Hope you and your boyfriend can sort this out.

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