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when you first got together with DH.... did you play it cool or jump in head first

(61 Posts)

so... did you feign indifference.

or when you came to crunch talks about being in a proper relationship and what you wanted did you state from the off that you wanted marriage, family life and whole package?

or was it more you agreed to see what happened and life sort of happened?

yama Sat 29-Aug-09 20:25:00

Jumped straight in. Can't be arsed with games. We discussed marriage, kids, forever on our first date.

Why do you ask?

MrsSeanBean Sat 29-Aug-09 20:28:47

Played it very cool.

It wasn't an act, I didn't really feel that bothered at the time, but he was very persistent and here we are!

Meglet Sat 29-Aug-09 20:30:05

jumped in straight away. Had ds within 18 months and dd 2 years later. Split when dd was 4 months old.

Had a PMT induced "moment" shall we call it with a fella i'd only been seeing a few weeks.

finished it then changed my mind. slight commitment phobia.

before our first date he made it clear if he was to get into a relationship he would want kids... i kind of hummed and ahhed and said it would be open to discussion (i already have 2 very young dc)

when i changed my mind and apologised i offered him chance not to reply and it would be finished.

along with me explaining i was prone to the jitters with commitment phobia

he replied instantly but he would catch me for a "chat" online last night (i was on a pre-arranged night out) or before the wkd is out.

just wondering if the chat is going to head down the route of what am i looking for... normally i feign indifference.

i'm not particularly keen on marriage ..unless a child is involved as i got left in real shit by ex because unmarried. ... but if i were to go down the route of proper relationship.. i would want it to be him doing equal share of housework/childcare.. and still be able to have other things i wasn't "allowed" in previous relationships.

just looking for what general vote is of wise mners who have long lasting marriages/relationships. and what they went for.

that is.... if he doesn't change his mind and just take me for a loon after my strange behaviour on thurs.

also.. yama and mrsbean - how long have you been together now.

cheesesarnie Sat 29-Aug-09 20:38:44

i cant really remember as all happened far too quickly.3 months after getting together i was pregnant.we married when dd was 5 weeks we are 9 and half years later with 3dc.

so 'life sort of happened'.

MrsSeanBean Sat 29-Aug-09 20:40:21

5 years.

HecatesTwopenceworth Sat 29-Aug-09 20:45:25

Well, I slept with him at his place hours after we met, then took him back to my place, did it again grin and he never left! We married 3 months later and moved hundred odd miles away 2 months after that. Less than a year later ds1 was born, followed 15months later by ds2.

So probably not played all that cool, no.


carelesswhispers Sat 29-Aug-09 20:47:28

jumped straight in , engaged after 6 weeks & together now for 17yrs & two dc's smile

hecate did you discuss things? or did they just happen?

lowenergylightbulb Sat 29-Aug-09 20:58:24

Jumped in head first in terms of being committed and saying 'I love you' fact on the first date!!

We didn't sleep together for a few months though and kids/living together came after a few years.

But we met each other and a week later we were scarily in love... and 20 years later it's still the same! We pine when we are apart during the working day barf and we have to go to bed together at the same time each night!!

The funny thing is that before we met each other we were both slags/commitmentphobes!

HecatesTwopenceworth Sat 29-Aug-09 21:02:37

We didn't discuss the sex. There wasn't really time blush.

we discussed getting married grin. And moving down south. But not a very long conversation. More "shall we.." "ok, why not"

The kids, well, that just happened - although he knew how much I wanted them because I kept crying every time we saw one! blush

We just sort of went with the flow. But we're like that grin

Fraochsmum Sat 29-Aug-09 21:04:56

I played it cool.
We had both been dumped by our respective spouses within weeks of each other. We were both not married for long and were left suddenly for a 3rd party.
I was very sure that I didn't want to get involved again so kept an emotional distance, until a friend suggested I don't be so damn stupid or someone else would get their claws in him. So I let myself go and it was the best thing I ever could have done!
2 years in we have bought our first home together, are expecting our first child, and are getting married this year. I have never been happier and am so pleased I took the plunge.
Good luck with it all x

lowenergy - thats another nice story.

hecates - wow discussed and then married within 3 months. phew now that gives me the heeby jeebies too.

<commitment phobia hackles are up grin>

squilly Sat 29-Aug-09 21:08:57

I jumped straight in. I told him I wanted to marry him and bear his children the night I met him. Also told him I fancied him straight away.

We had our first date a month later (thanks to a mutual friend trying to keep us apart).

20 years later, we're still together. I managed the marry bit quite easily 18 months after we met. The bearing children bit was a bit more tricky...but I managed a child eventually!

Thank Gawd I went to that crummy party all those years ago or I'd never have met him

well... see fraoshcum - my friend gave me a bollocking when i told her i had binned him.

i have been emotionally distant.

dont really blame him if he's given up. it wasn't until last time i seen him that i actually let him have hugs after sex sad... every other time i insisted on dressing and going home.

expatinscotland Sat 29-Aug-09 21:24:23

Jumped straight in.

Neither of us had children.

We married about a month after we met, but only because we couldn't get a date at the registry office for DH's day off right away.

DD1 came along 13 months later.

Seven years later and two more children after DD1, here we are!

squilly - oh wow. love at first sight then.

i knew i wanted this fella first date. he told me same day he knew he wanted to be with me... yet stupidly i was too scared to say i thought the same.

expat - yet another jump straight in.... oh my...

sunday is the end of the wkd. hopefully he hasn't run off.

we will have a chat. i will report back. maybe you can all buy mn virtual hats. grin

rofl. not bloody likely.

any more stories. i hear women who say pretend your not interested... where are they tonight?

expatinscotland Sat 29-Aug-09 21:33:39

tbh, i don't think it's wise to do the jump straight in when you have children who are still at home.

it's a whole different ball of wax then and it's no longer just about you and everything you do affects not just you.

expat - sorry, dont mean get married and moving in.

but i mean stating outright in a chat what i want. rather than pretending i'm not fussed.

scottishmummy Sat 29-Aug-09 21:39:57

we connected straight away.met in teens so the settling down didn't happen then but >knew we would have family
>knew i didn't want to marry
>knew we were always a team

monkeyfacegrace Sat 29-Aug-09 21:40:12

Jumped in big time, he moved in on first date, was pregnant after 8 weeks and we are still amazingly happy 2 yrs later. I know thats not long in the game of life, but we are just perfect for each other...passthesickbucketemoticon

carelesswhispers Sat 29-Aug-09 21:44:57

i knew i would marry dh 5 mins after him asking me up to dance .

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