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would this upset your dh/dp?

(18 Posts)
cheesesarnie Sat 29-Aug-09 14:15:03

dh works away alot of the week.when hes home hes sleeping alot.
ds1 who is 8 asked where daddy was yesterday i said asleep.ds said 'daddy might as well live on the other side of the world'sad this made me sad but when i told dh he wasn't at all bothered.
would this bother your dh/dp?its really upset me,maybe because dh and i are having problems and also because were having behavioural problems with ds1 atm and seeing lots of different people.and I'm just all emotional with worry about allsorts!

FabBakerGirlIsBack Sat 29-Aug-09 14:18:24

It would upset my DH and he would feel guilty but he is never away from home unless he has to be, so he would know it is unavoidable.

Scorps Sat 29-Aug-09 14:18:46

I think that your DH didn't appear bothered because he knows he is only asleep as work demand is high, not because he is avoiding your ds iyswim

We are having some of this in our house at the moment and DH just cannot be everywhere.

I do see though if things are hard lately why you are upset too

thisisyesterday Sat 29-Aug-09 14:20:29

my first response would be that no, dp wouldn't be bothered. but i may be doing him a disservice there!

sounds like a similar situation to ours though, dp rarely homebefore the boys are in bed, and seemingly uninterested in them at the weekends.
ds1 acting up big time atm

we did have a big chat about it the other night though, so am hoping for some changes

it#s so sad isn;t it?

cheesesarnie Sat 29-Aug-09 14:31:14

i can see that-that it must be hard and that he cant be every where.but he didnt even talk to ds when i told him-just shrugged and carried on watching tv.

thisisyesterday Sat 29-Aug-09 14:39:48

but scorps, that isn't going to be how the ds sees it is it?

all he knows is that daddy never spends time with him. and that is a pretty sad thing.
IMO that child's needs should come first and if that means that the OP's husband bloody stops sleeping the whole time and spends some mre time with his child then so be it.

surely he can catch up on sleep by going to bed earlier, that way it doesn't affect the time he spends with his children,

Scorps Sat 29-Aug-09 14:45:30

No, of course i am aware the differences between child and parent understanding of a situation. (especially as i have 4dc here, and am going through very similar).

cheesesarnie Sat 29-Aug-09 14:45:30

he drives coaches so the sleep is important but like yesterday he got home at 10am after being away for 3 days,he went to bed at 12 and slept till 6pm-so he saw the dc for about 2/3 hours.this morning he had to leave at 11.30am,he got up at 10.30am.and wont be back until tomorrow night.then off again Monday afternoon.
i just wish that the time he spent with them-the odd hour was quality time,not time spent in front of TV or shouting at them etc.

everythings going wrong!

FabBakerGirlIsBack Sat 29-Aug-09 16:18:48

Having read your other thread I am not surprised he didn't even talk to your ds. sad

cheesesarnie Sat 29-Aug-09 17:58:02

sadits pants isnt it.this is my life.

retiredlady Sat 29-Aug-09 18:21:17

I can tell you that feeling ignored by a parent can linger as a source of sadness for years. My parents were very good in this respect but husband hardly saw his Dad during the week. Out of the house from 7 to 7 working in London. They never really formed a decent father son relationship - and this was sad.

cheesesarnie Sat 29-Aug-09 18:25:23

that is sad especially thinking in my ds case that hes seeing family support workers and child psychiatrists atm .id be stupid to think there's not a connection.

tryingherbest Sat 29-Aug-09 20:59:25

Similar situation. DH not away but works most evenings and all weekends.

He sleeps in the day - if he it at home in the evening he sleeps then.

I don't think my dh does enough - he sleeps approx 10 hours per day - he could spend the odd hour taking ds to the park - he hasn't taken him once this year.

I think it has affected ds already as he's become a real daddy's boy even though dh does zero with him.

Very sad.

If ds said that about my dh - dh really wouldn't care - he loves ds but is not exactly a hands on father.

cheesesarnie Sat 29-Aug-09 21:13:24

sad.i cant remember last time dh did anything with any of mine!shock we did go to local moorland but that was a suprise for dh birthday and i shoved them all in car put l plates on and drove.same with the beach.it was me,dh just happened to be there but only because i needed a driver to sit with me.thats the only two things weve done as a family this summer.before that i cant remember.

bellavita Sat 29-Aug-09 21:14:16

It would upset DH.

tryingherbest Sat 29-Aug-09 21:36:48

Cheese - oh - I feel for you and my ds is only 3! He starts school next year and then dh will see him even less as his at home more in the day (although happily sleeps through most of it). Next year by the time ds gets home from school, dh will be going to work and I guess on the two evenings at home he has ds will be going to bed pretty soon after dh gets in. No weekends. DH has missed out and it's his own fault.

I don't sleep 10 hours a day and my arse doesn't touch the sofa until about 11pm so I acutally do lots more than him but ensure that my son get the attention he needs.

From ds birth until 3 years old we spent 10 whole days as a family. He doesn't think it an issue but it's a real issue if I don't spend three months of the year will mil! (and he about 3 hours per year with my very patient, very worried family). I think there's a lack of commitment to our family unit quite honestly. If your little one is having issues and you attribute it to this then I can expect the same.
As a family we'd spent 10 days together

Yours is a harder situation as I'm sure your dh job means also irregular working patterns so hard to plan for stuff.

mathanxiety Sat 29-Aug-09 21:56:56

It really is a question of priorities and what he values. Kids have great instincts. This is why your DCs words struck you so forcefully. Ask DH to think seriously about what he values in family life and what he is willing to do to achieve the things he values.

cheapskatemum Sat 29-Aug-09 22:24:09

I can identify with this. My DSs are older, things haven't changed. The shouting gets louder & more frequent as teenage hormones kick in. I can no longer scoop everyone up & take off for the park/coast/farm like I used to. Family holidays a bit of a nightmare tbh, as DH so unused to spending time with us.

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