Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

is yours a taciturn man?

(8 Posts)
lost4words Sat 29-Aug-09 08:40:10

mine is and I don't know quite what to do about it. We don't live together, but see each other a couple of times a week. I hear from him every day, though. He just doesn't like talking about feelings. I have a bad marriage under my belt, so I'm sure some of my struggle with DP is my previous experience.

Are there others out there with taciturn men who give you no cause to think there's anything wrong, but just aren't talkers when you'd quite like them to say something about feelings just once????

jancolls Sat 29-Aug-09 09:24:39

Tell me about it!

Sorry, but I think we have to face the fact that most men just don't 'do' feelings! I have to say that the book 'Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus' is really quite good and has taught me how to cope with mine quite a bit.

I find with my fiance that if I talk to him about 'my' feelings he will start to respond. He often talks about things when he feels good, but not when he feels bad and then we go through a 'perhaps we should just be friends' phase and I get upset and then he starts talking.... why do they have to be so complicated?

Not much help I know, but at least you're not alone.

andnowwhat Sat 29-Aug-09 11:28:21

Actions speak louder than words.

DH never talks about feelings etc but frequently goes to buy my favourite salad and bring it to me unexpectedly smile

For me it's not what he says that counts (although it helps) it what he does for me with no prompting that makes me feel loved.

retiredlady Sat 29-Aug-09 18:35:28

My DH is the emotional one in our partnership and I do sometimes feel guilty about being so bad about sharing my feelings with him.

We just never did feelings in my family.

NanaNina Sun 30-Aug-09 11:31:47

Coo retired lady - what a change to hear of an "emotional" man as I wasn't sure they really existed!

I just think that there are huge differences in the male and female psychology and believe (for what it's worth) that this is the root cause of so much stress and tension in relationships. I think it starts every early in life. As children, little girls often are very much more emotionally aware and talk with other children about their lives etc. I certainly recall this as a child. As the mother of 3 adult sons I saw such a difference in them as children - they went off to play football or whatever with other boys and knew nothing about these kids, they hadn't bothered to find out, just concentrated on the "task" of football etc. Mind I did have 3 "sports mad" boys.

I see this same thing all over again in my grandchildren - the girls are SO much more emotionally aware than the boys. They have "best friends" at school in whom they confide (even at primary school) not so the boys who play with a group of boys and again just concentrate on the task in hand.
I also think that society sort of expects girls to be more nurturing than boys and little girsl get conditioned into this way of thinking early on in life.

I think this lays the foundation for adult life. Men I think find it very difficult if not impossible to talk about their feelings and don't see the need to do so. I think this works against them so much especially at times of stress as they have noone in whom to confide. As women (and if we are furtunate to have good friends) we usually have little difficulty in confiding out innermost thoughts and feelings and this helps us enormously. Not sure where I would be without my good women friends.

I am fascinated in all aspects of human relationships and interaction whereas my P who is a kind and loving man is totally disinterested in such things and would much prefer thinking about how things work and other related matters.

TheDMshouldbeRivened Sun 30-Aug-09 11:32:54

got one here. He'd rather poke his own eyeballs out that talk about emotions and avoids all conflict.

veryconfusedandupset Sun 30-Aug-09 17:36:23

Me too - my DH is very limted on the conversational front and finds any sexual or romantic conversation impossible ( which is sad as talking about sex is a big turn on for me) Thinkk DS1 will be the same as he was actually given the name Tacitus in his Latin class as indicative of his character!

veryconfusedandupset Sun 30-Aug-09 17:37:25

Should add he has a literature based degree ( but is an engineer by profession) soi should be able to string two words together!

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: