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anyone on here LDS and married for eternity? please help

(14 Posts)
leonifay Fri 28-Aug-09 17:21:59

i'd name change but its too much hasstle

i've just found out my dh has been cheating and lieing to me through out our entire marrage and engagment and when we were dating. i'm feeling hurt, angry, humiliated and devistated.

i dont want to leave him but i want to kill him at the same time.

please someone in a similaar situation come forward and say they have got through it and have a strong marrage now.

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 28-Aug-09 17:29:28

Why don't you want to leave him?. What's keeping you within this marriage despite all that has happened, what is in this for you now?.

Do you have children together?.

Would you be willing to talk to someone like Relate on your own?. I say on your own as you can speak more freely without the constraints of him being there. Also he may not actually be willing to go to Relate.

leonifay Fri 28-Aug-09 17:35:10

its a religious thing.

hence the wanting to talk to other LDS women

but thanks for trying to help

leonifay Fri 28-Aug-09 17:37:00

i know he loves me and i love him. when we got married i agreed to be married to him for time and all eternity and just till death do us part.

alwayslookingforanswers Fri 28-Aug-09 18:23:33

bible says (can't remember the verse) that adultery is the only grounds for divorce. So even with the vows you took you can still divorce him.

mrsboogie Fri 28-Aug-09 18:24:52

ahem, well it sure ain't a religious thing for him is it? if he broke his wedding vows he has reneged on the deal and you should consider yourself similarly free to walk away.

He is a cheat and a liar and he always will be. If you believe your God expects you to put up with that I'd better refrain from further comment...

Heathcliffscathy Fri 28-Aug-09 18:25:49

what is LDS??

alwayslookingforanswers Fri 28-Aug-09 18:26:29

oh yeah - and if you're married to a non-believer - which obviously you are given his behaviour - you can divorce for that too.

FlightHattendant Fri 28-Aug-09 18:26:46

I presume Latterday saints or JW?

LDS = Latter Day Saints, you may know them better as Mormons.

shootfromthehip Fri 28-Aug-09 18:37:09

Leon, am an inactive Mormon but my brother just got married in the San Diego temple to a girl that had been married before (in the temple). She had a similar situation and they couldn't make it work. She was devastated and had to have her sealing broken by the General authority in SLC before she could marry my brother.

My Aunt and Uncle are also LDS and are going through a very similar situation- he was cheating/ had a long standing porn addiction that she only found out about recently. They are working on it and he has been disfellowshipped but it has rocked her faith really badly. They are also in SLC and she is alternating between going and not going to church. They are trying to make it work but I think one of the big reasons that she hasn't walked away is the temple marriage situation.

I'm sooooo sorry you are going through this. Have you been to your Bishop? Are your ward good? Where in the world are you? I still have lots of church friends scattered all over the place!

leonifay Fri 28-Aug-09 18:54:07

i'm in a small branch, in england. our branch pres has been on holiday for 4 weeks and will hopefully be there on sunday (fingers crossed)

the branch is very surportive but very nosey and also i'm the youngest reliefsociety sister in the branch so its hard to tell anyone anything - you talk to the other members and all they say is hang in there, it will all get better.

i'm definatly only still in this marrage because of the temple marage, my h is a member btw. my faith has always been strong so this hasnt knocked it, more than the agggggg you told me this was the right thing to do type of thing.

i've come to the conclusion today that we can only ever be good friends and the intimancy that was there will never be back. we dont have any chilodren although we were trying for a baby and there is a possibility i am pregnant but if i'm not to be honest i really dont think we will now.

i just want to scream and cry in fact i've spent the last week doing just that. i now have less plates and bowls than i had before, smashing them is a great anger reliver! but i'm now emotionally exausted

shootfromthehip Fri 28-Aug-09 19:12:04

Oh I'm so sad for you. I know how important it is to keep trying in any marriage but you really do have a real incentive. I also know what you mean about a small ward/ branch: the Church is perfect it's just the people in it that aren't!

I think you need to think long and hard about whether or not he'll do this to you again. You need to go to your Branch Pres and tell him everything- you can't do this alone. Do you have family/ good friends around you?

I'm really glad your faith is so strong, you will need your Heavenly Father to help you now more than ever. I think marriages can be repaired but you DH has a great deal of work to do before you will be able to make things right.

The Church do have a really good Counselling service (through family services I think- ask your BP, he can ask at Stake level). There may also be a fall out for your DH from a church pov. You need to realise that your branch will know if he has been disfellowshipped etc. I know that this may make things even more difficult than they already are but try to focus on you and him and HF, not the people in your branch.

I also think that you need to find out if you are pregnant- it will change how you feel about this and may influence your decisions either way.

I wish I could help- I'm in Scotland (my DSis in on a mission in Wales just now so was hoping you'd say you were there- silly eh!!) but if you need to talk then I'll keep on this thread or I can give you my email address.

Keep praying and talk to you BP on Sunday. Don't make any decisions yet and accept that if you are going to try to fix this then it will take you a very long time.

Much love x

mathanxiety Sat 29-Aug-09 07:54:13

Well, you made promises to be with him for time and all eternity -- did he make the same promises? The ball is now in his court. What is he going to do to make this work? You can't fix this alone -- one person working on a marriage while the other continues to cheat and disrespect the marriage is like one hand clapping. It is hard when your community is small and people are interested in your life just out of nosiness. But in the end the two of you alone will have to make the decisions about all of this no matter what, anyhow. Find out if you are pregnant and get tested for sti's while you're at it.

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