I had one last chance, I used it

[worried27]

I did it because, I wanted to be able to say that I had done everything I can, that I had done my best, so that I can look back and say yes worried you really tried to fight for that one. And I strongly believe I'd prefer to say 'I wish I hadn't done X' than 'I wish I had'. I went because deep down I probably still love him. And if nothing comes of it then I gave it my best shot.

The photos of us, and of me, were still up, my stuff was still in his bathroom, in the cupboards, even my toothbrush was still in the pot with his.

Why? I don't know why. When you split up with someone don't you want to remove all those things from your flat? I know I did. I couldn't bear to look at them.

Deep down I know nothing will come of it. I am not strong enough to say that really, that nothing is probably the best outcome, because at the moment I am hoping for a miracle. But really, I know, there won't be one. Not today.

(I'm not expecting replies because there's nothing to reply to but I just had to get it out.)

[Kally]

Know how you feel...Chin up.

[worried27]

He said the usual, missed me, thinks about me, missed talking to me. Said he 'saw no reason' why we couldn't at least go out for dinner one night and see how things went. Said he wouldn't change his mind.

But I haven't heard from him since.

[Kally]

get busy girl... that is what you have to do. I have just pathetically made a load of cakes (out of bread dough - good thumping therapy) cleaned the hood over my hob (a job I do when I'm upset) and washed everything up. all is tidy and clean. Don't get idle and bored cos that is when the pain ferments. and noise noise, put the radio on... stops you drifting into thoughts.

First few days you need to do everything OTT. I advise strongly - get busy -.