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(21 Posts)
Marriedtoatwat Fri 28-Aug-09 11:19:27

That's what my dh answered when I have asked him what he would like to do to save our marriage...Cant help feeling offended. How would reat if your dh told you that ?
Namechanged obviously !

bigTillyMint Fri 28-Aug-09 11:20:51

Does he want you to do those things or is he offering to do them himself?

Marriedtoatwat Fri 28-Aug-09 11:25:27

off to take my dd to a party, will answer later !

whoisasking Fri 28-Aug-09 11:26:07


PinkTulips Fri 28-Aug-09 11:27:28

hmm i'm guessing if points 2 & 3 are necessary then 1 isn't a priority of yours right now.

sounds like very little to contribute to save his marriage really

SpawnChorus Fri 28-Aug-09 11:31:24

Well it depends on the tone of voice really. Was it heartfelt or scornful? Are these things you've discussed with him as problems that need to be addressed? If it was a heartfelt and sincere recap on issues that you've discussed then there's no need to be offended! If it was a dismissive "accusation", then that's a different matter

AMumInScotland Fri 28-Aug-09 11:51:23

Well, what were you hoping he'd say? It's hard to judge without the background (and I'm guessing there's a lot of background), but as a generalisation, men do tend to think more about what practical things they should do, rather than talking about emotional issues - so he thinks he should do these things. If you want him to do something else, or to talk through things, then you may need to spell that out to him.

bonkerz Fri 28-Aug-09 12:16:22

im guessing you feel unappreciated and maybe rejected if sex is an issue.......this is the sort of thing my DH would say right now although its more the sex issue than the helping round the house issue. Men are simplistic beings......we think more along the lines of......i need more loving and affection, more support with household suties and need to be shown im appreciated with a cooked mela once a week and men see it as your dh has so perfectly put it! LOL

Marriedtoatwat Fri 28-Aug-09 12:27:49

Well every day is like greyhound day (sp?), I love my children, I love children and that's why I have decided to be a cm but it's hard, very hard. And I have the feeling my dh is taking me for granted..exemple yesterday after a bad day, I was exhausted..done more than my share, with the house, cooking I have crashed in the sofa while taking care of ds and dd, I heard him very loudly, Mummy may get a treat later if she tidies up (meaning sex)..I have a higher libido than him, so when we do it, it's him giving me a favour, well it sounds like that..Everything he does, he makes it sound a like favour, sex, housework, cooking..etc..and I'm bored of that..I went to bed early yesterday cause I was exhausted..this morning, found the kitchen trashed and he left in a hurry without feeding the children, and told me that if the kitchen is like this is that is because I have told him not to it which is not true..I'm fed up of him

Marriedtoatwat Fri 28-Aug-09 12:29:16

Sorry for bad spelling and bad grammar

FabBakerGirlIsBack Fri 28-Aug-09 12:29:32

I think you need to stop shouting and talk to him as it seems like sex is used as a weapon in your relationship.

TheScatterGunApproach Fri 28-Aug-09 12:31:23

'Mummy might get a treat if she tidies up later?'

Christ, he sounds like a parody of a bad porn movie.

Get a rampant rabbit, let him save his energy for the housework.

ShowOfHands Fri 28-Aug-09 12:33:49

His use of the word bonk alone would worry me tbh.

Sex is not a bargaining tool or a favour.

AMumInScotland Fri 28-Aug-09 12:41:53

It sounds like you need a proper conversation about who does what around the house - it should never be a "favour" for anyone living in a house to do a fair share of the chores. If you think it's getting to the point of "saving the marriage" being an issue, then maybe you should try something like Relate, where they can help you both to negitiate a truce and then work out how to move forwards?

2rebecca Fri 28-Aug-09 12:55:31

There doesn't sound like there's much mutual love, affection and respect in this relationship. You need to sit down together or go and see relate if this relationship will last unless you both want a miserable marriage forever.

Marriedtoatwat Fri 28-Aug-09 12:59:25

We had the proper conversation last week but he is still taking the piss.

RumourOfAHurricane Fri 28-Aug-09 13:01:59

Message withdrawn

AMumInScotland Fri 28-Aug-09 13:06:52

Well if you've tried it yourselves, and he's not paying attention, then I think you're going to have to go to Relate or similar to give him an outside perspective on your marriage. Chances are he's seething about something (or everything) and doesn't believe that he should have to change to make things work. An outsider can help you both to see what the other is feeling and why, and then you can work from there.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Fri 28-Aug-09 14:11:38

He said you need to do more housework and you need to bonk him more? Or if he does more housework you might want to bonk him more? Cos the second might be a bit true, but the first is shit.

Marriedtoatwat Fri 28-Aug-09 14:14:38

No, he said he'll try to make sure we have more sex, he will help more with the housework and with the cooking.

I'm sorry, I'm upset shouldnt have start this thread, I'm exhausted ! But thank you all !

wastingmyevening Fri 28-Aug-09 14:20:48

He actually used the word 'bonk'?

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