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I have done it, I kicked him out

(14 Posts)
DutchGirly Fri 28-Aug-09 07:52:14

Some people may remember my thread about my partner who really let his family mistreat me when our daughter was born.

Well, I have finally kicked him out, we had a very silly argument and he called me insane, F you etc so I kindly requested the housekeys back (he only gave them back when I threatened to call the police)

I feel a strange kind of relief, like final closure. I am having breakfast with my gorgeous toddler and life seems a bit brighter.

Strangely enouhg, he did suddenly say he had nowhere to go, strange that his wonderful family with multi millionairs between them, can't help him out, after all they are supposed to be so kind and wonderful.

Any tips how to get through the next few weeks, I am guessing it is a case of many up and downs.

How did you arrange access time with the little on, he is a great dad so he can see his daughter whenever he wants, just not sure where.

Tortington Fri 28-Aug-09 08:12:07

well done fr having the courage to take your life in the direction YOu want to go.

in your shoes i would think that i would contact a solicitor about acess. if his family are as wicked as you claim - you can bet your arse that things will turn nasty.

SammyK Fri 28-Aug-09 08:16:25

Not familiar with the background regarding his family, but probably best to get something formally arranged for visitation.

He doesn't need to be hanging about at your house either for access, he can take her to the park or the library for an hour or two at this age - doesn't have to go back to where he is staying if ot got his own place yet.

Oh and well done. smile

skihorse Fri 28-Aug-09 08:38:13

Are you Dutch and living in the UK? I'd get her a Dutch passport asap - if they're wealthy this will get ugly and they'll try and stop you taking her out of the country.

You need to re-build your life - if he's wealthy, he can afford to jump on KLM twice a month - but you might feel the need to go "home".

Best of luck.

HecatesTwopenceworth Fri 28-Aug-09 08:39:05

Well done for being so strong. Agree with the others that it would be best to make things as formal as possible. Best to get it sorted asap so you formally have custody, just in case.

Also bringing in solicitor, legally sorting custody, maintenance etc - shows him you mean business!

DutchGirly Fri 28-Aug-09 09:31:10


I am Dutch but planning to stay in the UK as I have my businesses and all my friends here.

I wouldn't call his family wicked (only will serial killers etc wicked) but they are extremely selfish, ill mannered, inconsiderate and manipulative.

He is not wealthy at all, I have always financially supported him, now he is moaning I can't kick him out as he has no money but as his family are so fantastic, caring and loving etc, they can help him out for once.

I think he will find what they are truly like though, in my view actions speak louder tthan words!

foxytocin Fri 28-Aug-09 12:01:02

Just in case you don't already know this: If he is was DP and never a DH, the child cannot have a British passport until she turns 18 and applies for it herself or you marry DP which as things stand, is v unlikely. Hence she is by default Dutch.

DutchGirly Fri 28-Aug-09 12:10:56

That is actually incorrect. He was DP but she has British and Dutch passport, they changed the rules a little over 2 years ago.

He is now very contrite, apologising for their behaviour and for his not standing up to them.

Small recap, his family stayed for 7 weeks in our house (deal was that they would spend 4 weeks elsewhere but didn't), my home coming form hospital with sick baby was a bath covered in pubic hair shavings, shitty toilet, filthy kitchen with dirty dishes and surfaces and mud all over the house as they shut the dog out in the rain and when they finally let him in, they did not bother to towel dry him. First thing we had to do was clean for two hours.

MIL organised party in our house on second day I was home from hospital without our knowledge or consent, continually made racist remarks, shrunk all my vintage clothing (despite 5 warnings this was dry clean only and not to touch it) ETc, etc, etc

foxytocin Fri 28-Aug-09 12:26:59

ah, didn't know about the rule change. is it retroactive?

foxytocin Fri 28-Aug-09 12:29:06

yes, these twunts of men seem to do contrite very well hmm when the women give them their marching orders.

HecatesTwopenceworth Fri 28-Aug-09 13:09:26

You do know he's only doing this to get his feet back under the table, don't you?

DutchGirly Fri 28-Aug-09 13:15:23

Yes, I do know why he is doing this.
He is already starting the 'We brought our daughter into this world so we have to do the best for her etc'.

Ok, I do agree that two happy parents living together are the ideal but I think it is much more important to have happy parents.

I have actually been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress ( Lots more things happened, but enough said) and apparently the psychiatrist is incorrect, he does call me insane and'You will never get custody with your mental health issues (post natal depression) which I think is extremely cruel thing to do.

He does not understand that some things cannot be undone and that saying sorry does not undo things.

I feel bad for my daughter though as she adores him.

HecatesTwopenceworth Fri 28-Aug-09 13:26:37

The best for your daughter is him not verbally abusing you!

DutchGirly Sun 30-Aug-09 11:54:40


In answer to the passport question, I am afraid it is not retro-spective.

Feeling quite low today, have been crying a lot. Ex has been around to see daughter but I think more distance is needed.

I am hurting inside and quite sad and very down, obviously the person I loved is not the person I know now.

I am going to see a phsycho therapist in couple of weeks to help me to get over some things.

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