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BF was in contact with ex behind my back - now what?

(4 Posts)
aerobixgal Thu 27-Aug-09 11:37:36

Hi All

Am really stuck and would love an opinion from an outsiders point of view.

Been with BF 2 1/2 years - live together and all seemed to be fine. He got made redundant in December which is when his ex gf got back in touch with him (he finished with her 9 months before he met me).

He finished with her, didn't end well and had no contact up until that point. Although, she did get pregnant from him and miscarried - no idea if that is relevant or not.

He told me that she had been in contact with him over email (lie - it was an internet forum) and then over the next 6/7 months told me he had rarely heard from her.

He left his online screen open and I found all the messages they had sent over this year. Nothing that indicated he would cheat physically on me or be with her (she is married overseas) but he had been saying mean things about me to her - like our relationship is very rocky and that things with me are 'tentative'.

She has read everything about our relationship on the forum - and even worse he has told her about his/our private life.

I found these on Monday - still in shock. I calmly told him what I had found. He has slept on the couch since and has made NO effort to speak to me, touch me or say sorry or why he lied to me and why he kept in touch with her.

Am I being silly? Is this betrayal and why would he have done this?

I don't know what to do now - help?

twoclimbingboys Thu 27-Aug-09 11:43:22

I can understand why you are upset. I would be too. I think it is a betrayal of trust - especially if he hadn't told you that he considered your realtionship to be rocky and things with you 'tentative'?

He is making no effort to xeplain or apologise for this, it would make me seriously consider if he is worth being with tbh.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Thu 27-Aug-09 16:06:02

Oh dear.

He should be begging for forgiveness. What a horrible thing to do. I wouldn't trust him. In fact, for me, that would be the end. I couldn't stand the thought that DH was going behind my back telling someone our relationship was rocky, let along if it was his ex.

Poor you.

You are in the right, he is in the wrong, don't forget that. But I'd say it's time to question what's important.

purplepeony Thu 27-Aug-09 16:14:51

I don't think th e issue is that he has been in touch with an ex- more that he has told her ( and anyone else?) that he is nothappy. That should be your focus now for discussion. I doubt if he was telling her he was unhappy in order to rekindle their romance, as she is now overseas and married.

Did you ask him to sleep on the couch or did he volunteer? If he volunteered, it looks as if he is withdrawing from your relationship- you need to talk to him, and if he won't talk,then he doesn't seem to care, then one of you has to end it.

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