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Trying to get over somebody... how???????????? (sorry..bit long)

(27 Posts)
pinkmamma Mon 30-May-05 19:07:34

In March I split from my dp. Since then he has moved out the house (which unfortunately we own together and it is just sitting on the market right now) but we see each other, get back together, have incredibly bad rows... don't speak for a few days.. both feel like we are dying inside without each other.. get back and on it goes. I HATE IT.

He is not ds natural father but ds thinks he is (he is about to turn 3).... oh i am a silly b*** girl... never planned it like this .
Ok, rambling now...
Just spent a lovely day with ex as a family but now he has to go as he has "business meeting" (its their own business so they do meet out of normal hours) but he is taking a friend and i reckon its going to be in a pub... ouch ouch.. he is always going to the pub now ouch ouch... he has a midlife crisis i think cause he just turned 40.

Main reason for splitting is cause he gets jealous of my son and cause he has 3 kids from previous marriage and doesn't want anymore. I really do want more, just one but he is stringing me along i think cause he doesn't want anyone else to have me. He is actually a really nice man though... which just makes it harder...


I am thinking to find a toyboy (cause he is 7 yrs older than me).....?!?!?!?

Its hurting so much ....

marne Mon 30-May-05 19:49:16

poor you,
Maybe your just ment to be together, does he want to be with you?
Have you thought about talking to relate?
My dh is also older than me and has 3 other kids and we have 1 dd, hes not keen on having anymore either. We argue alot about having more kids.
Hope you can sort somthing out or move on. good luck.

weesaidie Mon 30-May-05 20:19:14

Time. Time. Time. That is all I can suggest unfortunately sweetie!

When me and my ex split up it was really hard, luckily as I was only pregnant we were able to have some real time apart. A good few months without seeing eachother. Hard but helped me move on.

Still I think just having time to adjust to life without your partner is the most important thing...

Hope you are okay.

pinkmamma Mon 30-May-05 20:23:37

He wants to be together only if I am happy to have no more kids. Which I'm not at all happy with, and I know i would resent him for it.

Time apart only seems to last a few days... he says he should see my ds.. then it all starts it back up again. I want to say no but it is impossible.. sigh

Louise1980 Mon 30-May-05 20:23:43

Toyboys are hard work! If any of you lotknow my age it was legal!!!

Ive never been without a man for 6yrs and Ive been single now for almost 1yr. I used to have "^bed friends^" when I didnt have a bloke and its messed with my head.

Time and learning to cope alone have done wonders for me.

All Im trying to say is no-one can tell you how to get over someone. Its something that you have to learn/discover for yourself.
x x x

tammybear Mon 30-May-05 20:28:25

hi pinkmamma, ive seen some of your other threads and just wanted to give you ((hugs))
like weesaidie and all the mumsnetters who supported me when i split up with my xdp said, time is the best healer. i split up with him back in february, went on for a while after though with lots of headaches and arguements, but even though i still miss him, still think of him, i am at a point where i feel i dont need him, dont need to speak to him, etc
and before you start looking for another bloke, its probably best to just focus on yourself and your ds. at the moment, i love the freedom that I have of being single and how I can focus 100% on dd.
but personally, i think its best to find someone that wants the same as you, and that you can be happy with. xxx

pinkmamma Mon 30-May-05 20:36:40

Yeah I suppose just falling into another relationship is not the best thing... just thought it may cheer me up!
I hate the nervous feeling in my stomach all the time. Especially when I know he is out and about doing things and I am stuck in at home every night.
I feel like it has been so long already and its not getting any better.
Like you mentioned Louise we have sort of become "bed-friends" and I don't want to feel used. I suppose he now has what he wants freedom, no kids around, no me nagging , but he can still come over here for fun. Thing is he is such a nice guy... best I've ever been out with... oh i will stop rambling now and bury myself into the tv.. again!

weesaidie Mon 30-May-05 20:37:46

Being single is great once you get over your ex! (obviously it is difficult at times but then so are most situations).

My mum is often asking me how my man situation is, have been out with a couple of guys briefly this year but I just didn't really like them that much. I mean, I liked them, but not enough.

At the moment it is just a complication, if someone great came along then I wouldn't say no but until then I am pretty happy as I am.

Your situation (using that word far too much sorry!)is obviously very complicated and difficult but if it is not right for you I am sure you will get there in the end!

Sorry not to be more helpful.

tammybear Mon 30-May-05 20:41:12

i use to think xdp was such a nice guy, but when you have a look, there are actually even nicer guys out there. i think its best you have a think about what you want, and make sure yourself and your dp knows it, so he cant just use you whenever he feels like it. and i did the going from one relationship to another twice before, wasnt the best of ideas lol

weesaidie Mon 30-May-05 20:52:51

Tammybear - I think having a break between relationships is important too. Have done the one man to another thing and I just found it confusing! Feelings for new man mingled with feelings for the ex...

Pinkmamma - I think it will be hard for you to move on if you are still partly together. Not that I am saying that it wrong AT ALL, I can totally understand it. I just think it will be more difficult the way things stand now...

tammybear Mon 30-May-05 20:56:55

oh totally agree weesaidie. been single for almost 4 months now (cant believe it! ) and loving it as i spent the last four years in three heavy relationships so am loving being single.

hope things seem a bit clearer to you pinkmamma x

weesaidie Mon 30-May-05 21:02:26

Tammybear - sometimes I do worry that the reason I haven't had much interest in the guys I have met more recently is that I have shut myself off a little? You know, after having had a very difficult break up I am subconsciously scared to get involved? I doubt it really, I am sure it is just that I haven't really 'clicked' with anyone recently but it does cross my mind from time to time! Try not to get to Oprah about it, am happy single after all!

Pinkmamma - very sorry for going off subject completely! I hope you are okay...

tammybear Mon 30-May-05 21:05:25

yeah we're sort of hijacking this thread arent we? sorry pinkmamma. but i know what you mean (and not to scare you or anything by this pinkmamma) I now feel like Ive got no faith in relationships but only for the time being iykwim. I know I'll meet someone who will make me happy, but until that point, I dont really feel that rushed to be in another relationship and can do without the headaches that come with them! my sister keeps arguing with her dp, and it makes me happy that im not going through all that still

weesaidie Mon 30-May-05 21:49:18

I am with you Tammybear. My faith in relationships is pretty low at the moment! Like you say I am sure one day I will meet someone lovely who will give me it back but for the moment I have enough to be getting on with!

pinkmamma Tue 31-May-05 07:36:58

Sorry I went off to watch some boring soaps and got into the ironing last night!
You hijack away... interesting to hear other peoples experiences and thoughts.
I suppose my problem is having this b**** house with him that is not selling. Once it goes and i get my own place i think i will feel so much better as i am just stuck in our old house.

I am having a car reading today [scared emoticon]!!

I do def need to move on... still can't help thinking that a handsome toyboy type surfie guy on a casual basis wouldn't help take my mind off things. Def don't want a serious thing...

tammybear Tue 31-May-05 10:49:24

nothing wrong with that. after i broke up with xdp, i met someone, we went out a couple of times and although i havent heard from him since last time i saw him, he did me the world of good as he boosted up my confidence and made me realise that i can actually attract a guy if i wanted to, and that not all guys get scared because im a mum

weesaidie Tue 31-May-05 11:24:15

Exactly Tammybear - it is lovely to get some attention and realise you are still a woman and not just a mamma!

Pinkmamma - I think you are right, getting your own place will help as you will have your own space... if you think a toyboy would help go for it! I myself would rather like a brief fling with a -single obviously - older man(I am 23) as if I got a toyboy they would be likely to be friends with my wee brother!

weesaidie Tue 31-May-05 11:32:42

Pinkmamma - I get my 'cards' read occasionally. To be honest I don't really believe but it is fun! Last time I was told I would meet a supportive loving rich guy and would be very sucessful in my career and love life!
That sounds very cliched I know but the one previously had been my horoscope (while I was pregnant and beyond!) and a lot was really harsh!

Good luck, tell us how it goes!

tammybear Tue 31-May-05 13:56:43

ooo i had one done back when i was 15 i think it was. it said i would have a life changing decision when i was 17, and thats when i got pregnant! spooky....

i couldnt have a toyboy either as im only 20! a fling would be nice though. just to satisfy my needs

pinkmamma Tue 31-May-05 16:18:26

oh i feel old now, i'm 33!
well the card reading didn't do much for me really. seems my ex-ex (ie. ds's dad) will cause me more problems. there will be a taurean standing by me (my ex is taurean).. er i will have big success in business... hmmmmmmmmm
but the main thing was to chill out a bit and i suppose that is what i need to do... go with the flow and not try and plan my whole life right now this minute.

weesaidie Tue 31-May-05 17:00:09

Sounds like a good plan Pinkmamma... you can always find something that makes sense in them!

Tammybear - mine also said there would be a big family celebration in April which was when babba was born!

PS Pinkmamma you are not old! Well not that old!

tammybear Tue 31-May-05 17:17:27

33's not old at all! i find not planning too much ahead is a good idea (except when exp's concerned!)
just a quick question pinkmamma, do you still want him seeing your ds even though he isnt the biological father? ive often wondered what i would have done if dd was older and i had just split up with xdp, hes dd's godfather but havent heard from him in a while (thankfully)

pinkmamma Tue 31-May-05 21:43:38

tammybear - re him seeing my ds, well his biological father doesn't see him and lives overseas. ds loves ex-p like mad and thinks he is his dad, which makes everything more complicated and me feel much more guilty. anyhow, obviously i cannot just cut the contact so he is continuing seeing him, i am self employed so he has him for a few hours each week while i work.
tbh he is not that great at seeing his own kids so i think it is something that will die off eventually, esp if he gets another woman
i'll take that one as it comes...

pinkmamma Tue 31-May-05 21:45:33

not THAT old !!!

weesaidie Wed 01-Jun-05 13:15:47

Just joking pink mamma! It's not like I said you were middle aged or anything... got at least 5 yrs before that happens.. !!

Sorry, sorry sorry! Joking. You are not old. At all.

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