Oh dear...please come and throw rotten fruit at me for I am a fool

[FluppetOfGloom]

Disclaimer: I am total idiot and I deserve this completely. But that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt.

In a nutshell: Met xP (not DDs dad) in June 07. Got together, had a great time. Turns out he was still in love with his ex and they very publicly got back together in November last year. Total shock to me. I was heartbroken and bereft. He didn't handle it well at all, making matters much worse for me. I suspect he has NPD (crucial point).

Fast forward to April this year. I move to another part of town, nearer to him (at the time, I though it a risk I was prepared to take and would carry on just ignoring him in the street, as I had been doing in the intervening months). Started bumping into him a lot, decided one day to bury the hatchet and have a chat. We were in bed together six hours later. Turns out he'd split with his ex again (quelle suprise).

Against my better judgement ( and I knew I was being a self destructive idiot, but somehow couldn't stop myself) we continued to see each other. Today I saw him in the street with his ex and their son. I was nearly sick on the spot. Completely horrified. He now tells me that they have again got back together. This is, I think, about their seventh attempt at a relationship.

And now I'm smarting badly, back to square one, but really I just want to wail with self loathing for being such a prat.

Will I never learn?

Please come and kick me repeatedly, or gouge out my eyes with a rusty spoon or something.

(I have namechanged, but if you know who I am or remember me talking about this person and situation before please keep schtum. Thanks )

[junglist1]

You have learnt. Sometimes it takes more than once. Do you know the crap I took from my DS's dad over and over again? Don't blame yourself, especially as he has NPD

[Unlikelyamazonian]

He probably never broke up with her. They are pathological liars. They like to keep old sources of supply 'warm' in case they need to go back to them for more.

From now on blank him in the street totally. Pretend you have never seen him before.

Don't contact him, don't answer any calls from him (say sorry you have the wrong number and put phone down)

If he truly has NPD then punch the air with joy ...because once you are over this setback (and yes, I am flinging a rotten tomato at you if that helps) you will be glad you did not get any further entangled with him.

He's her problem now. Poor girl.

[ElfOnTheTopShelf]

{throws a rotten lettuce}

Its not your fault, esp if he has NPD

Just remind yourself you are better than him and you dont need him.

[oxocube]

What is NPD?

[oxocube]

I did google, honest, and came up with Nationaldemokratische Partei Deutschlands

[ElfOnTheTopShelf]

about the 10th one down on my search was "narcissistic personality disorder" which seemed most appropriate in my mind!

[FluppetOfGloom]

Narcissistic personality disorder here

Thanks for sympathetic replies. Voodoo doll tempting

It's ridiculous, but I miss him terribly when he's not around. Is that something about narcissists - that they can be exciting and fun to be with? Adrenaline rush when they're treating you well in order to feed the ego, kind of thing?

(until they start lying, cheating, fucking with your mind and generally behaving like pondlife)

[FluppetOfGloom]

UnlikelyAmazonian: I have been reading your posts on therealme's thread and have found them to be really helpful and supportive (though it's not me you were supporting, but you know what I mean).
This guy really does fit so well with everything I've read on the subject, down to hypochondria, poor personal hygiene and OCD. Ghastly.

[Unlikelyamazonian]

If he really has NPD he will much prefer to tell any new lady-friends that he IS in fact Nationaldemokratische Partei Deutschlands as it sounds 'clever'.

If she's German and knows her politics, hell even if she's Angela Merckel herself, he'll still be able to bluff his way into her knickers. They can charm the birds out of the trees.

[Unlikelyamazonian]

Well fluppet, don't beat yourself up over your twatty bloke. I took mine back in 2007 after he went awol for FIVE days and blew nearly a thousand quid on clothes and beer, then walked back into the house on the sunday night and said 'I think we should work this out.'

They really do head-bend. And play the victim. And lie and lie and lie. And make their victims ill frankly.

But they usually end up lonely, poor and depressed.

I, however, now that I am shot of him, intend to end up in a swanky bar with all my mates and my son, clutching a winning lottery ticket and celebrating loudly.

[FluppetOfGloom]

Blimey UA. When did you get rid? And may I join you in that bar?

I love the idea of him ending up poor, lonely and depressed. But unfortunately he has such charm, everyone wants to know him it seems, he'll always find another mug to fuck over and supply him with what he needs.

I feel very stupid for being that mug. But also sad about losing the lovely person and great companion I thought he was in the begining IYSWIM?

[LadyGlencoraPalliser]

Oh dear, Fluppet. I know who you are and I am so sorry. He really is a shit of unmitigated proportions, but clearly a very persuasive one. Just DON'T DO IT AGAIN. OK? Even if he comes crawling back naked over broken glass.

[FluppetOfGloom]

Thanks LadyGP

I am very embarrassed

[TheScatterGunApproach]

oh fuck.

I've been there

I think you need to keep telling yourself it's not real, it's all just a persona with them.

The person you fell in love with does not exist, he is putting on this charming act.

[TheScatterGunApproach]

Have you read Harry Potter?

Ns are like Lord Voldemort, I reckon, they hook themselves up to a 'host' and just suck the life out of them. And they are never single, because they need that host. They are parasites.

[mamalovesmojitos]

some people are so manipulative it is like they can work magic, and its hard to understand until you meet one of them.

don't beat yourself up too long. it will never happen again. (repeat 100 times)

[FluppetOfGloom]

Yes, Lord Voldemort! Precisely.

And yes to him not really existing.

Fucking fuck.

[FluppetOfGloom]

Oh bollocks

Just remembered he has a set of my keys.

How do I get them back without speaking to him? Burglary? Change the locks?

[EightiesChick]

Change the locks. Or at least the main one that you always use. Don't ask for them back. As UA says, totally blank him.

Don't beat yourself up FOG. He is an awful excuse for a man to do this, but you are better off than his wife, who will no doubt go through this again and again for the rest of her life.

[FluppetOfGloom]

Thanks EC.

Yes, seems like the only way forward.

Sems to be so much terrible stuff about men here on MN at the moment. What is it with them? I like men. But there are so many bad apples

[skidoodle]

Being a nun is like being married to Jesus, and he is/was a man.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

Fluppet

As you have learnt to your emotional cost you cannot have a relationship with a narcissist. It is just not possible. The three worst words you can actual say to someone with NPD is, "I love you" because they will throw it all back at you and in spades too. Apart from some of their other characteristics outlined on this thread they are also very crap gift givers. They also have no real opinion on anything.

I pity anyone unfortunate enough to be in a relationship with these people because it is all smoke and mirrors. (BTW two of my relations are NPD).

[OrmIrian]

What an arse! NPD or not, I think 'arse' describes him much better

Here, have some slightly soft strawberries. They are still v nice.