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Peeked and am sorry I did.

(93 Posts)
Kally Wed 26-Aug-09 16:41:36

I have posted on here before regarding my odd relationship with a lovely guy that I met two and half years ago.
Quick run down: He lives 2 hours train ride away. Has been in and out of jobs trying to make ends meet. Has a young son from previous marriage. Is now working but not in a highly paid job, highly demanding though, must be fair. we get to see each other about twice a month. Sometimes more, sometimes less. We talk everyday, even if it's a quick hello, I love you.. type thing.
I never go to his as he lives in a shared house now due to downsizing and trying to manage on his downward spiraling income. That doesn't bother me at all. I am not a rich person and have a child of my own to support, so sometimes we're both brassic.
I got him a cell phone on contract. He (when he's got it) puts the money in my account. (He has bad credit).
I got the bill to my address and opened it thinking it was a guarantee thing I had cancelled and since it was in my name didn't realise it was his bill.
Yes, I looked. (I know you are all raising eyebrows now) and I admit my heart thumped when I realised I was being nosey but couldn't resist. There are numbers dialled to australia and a the same number over and over again three and four times a day, late at night and talking, texting for hours sometimes. I felt awful but as I had been poking couldn't say anything and 'hid the bill'. Then the next bill came and so on and so forth.
It looks odd because these perpetual numbers are spasmodic. Nothing (except for one particular number, which is constant all month except for when he is with me)??? hmm

He's never mentioned australia... not even 'I've got a friend there or whatever...'

Now he says he has to go to scotland for a week and it's out of the blue... everything seems odd. I suddenly felt as if I am one of many lady friends he has, to whom he perhaps vanishes now and then. he came once to me with an overpacked suitcase as if he as going to stay for a week, but left the next day saying he had to get back to his little boy.

I must admit, it seems as if I would be easy meat as far as being diddled is concerned. I'm quite laid back and don't expect people to be liars and deceivers.

We have fallen out before now, about being let down all of a sudden when he has been due to come and cancelled (last week) for a migraine hmm, but if I try to finish things and get stroppy he is distraught and always manages to cool things down. He, in himself, is a very lovely person, humble, gentle, never gets angry and grouchy, appreciative... but it just seems weird and I can't say anything about these bills now, and I feel so sneaky. But never having been to his or seeing 'his lot' has made me super sensitive and itchy to know about what lies behind the man. It's very hard for me to manage and I feel now (after the bills) theres more to him than meets the eye. What shall I do? I might be wrong. How can I know. I can't come clean about the bills...

It's an odd relationship, and until now I have been content with this and taken his word for it that theres not much to him... he has brought his little boy to ours before, so no wifey on the scene or anything. I feel awful about it all and want to just end it, so I am out of the equation and not stressing about it.

ilove Wed 26-Aug-09 16:43:42

I'd be ringing the numbers to see who answered.

Kally Wed 26-Aug-09 16:45:07

I thought of that? But what would that give me, could be co-workers or his family.... I wouldn't gain much from that. I have tried googling but theres nothing...

mrsboogie Wed 26-Aug-09 16:47:02

how could you not ring the number? for god's sake ring the number!

does he not ask where his bills are?

beanieb Wed 26-Aug-09 16:47:59

Am confused, are you paying the bill? Is that why he puts money into your account?

mrsboogie Wed 26-Aug-09 16:48:31

think of a pretext - something that will enable you to have a brief conversation with the person answering - but give you enough to know who they are.

msrisotto Wed 26-Aug-09 16:51:06

hmm, he gets the bills sent to your house...are you sure this is his only phone? I hate to say it but i could see him having a family and a roving eye!!

Kally Wed 26-Aug-09 16:53:01

mrsB No, you can opt not to have bills delivered. He must think, as I arranged it, that I opted for no bills in post.
The phone contract is in my name and he puts money into my account to pay for the bill. (He doesn't go over the contract amount)(maybe a quid or two).

What? What pretext? what could I say?

KnickKnack Wed 26-Aug-09 16:53:19

phone one of those numbers from a payphone, or from a friends house.

beanieb Wed 26-Aug-09 16:55:04

or call it from your house but press 141 first.

MadreInglese Wed 26-Aug-09 16:55:26

you are being played

Kally Wed 26-Aug-09 16:55:49

msrisotto: He has bad credit and couldn't get a phone on contract so I got him one, in my name, and he pays for the calls. But I get the bill delivered to me. It came automatically. I, for example. don't get a bill for my phone as I said I didn't want paper in the post and check it online. But it was left as default sort of thing, so bills came to my house. (he doesn't know I get the bills)

TheCrackFox Wed 26-Aug-09 16:56:09

i wouldn't pay any bill that I haven't checked.

I would simply tell him you accidentally opened it and you now want to know who he has been phoning. You don't need a pretext, the truth will do.

If you have never been to his home then alarm bells should be ringing. He could well be married.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Wed 26-Aug-09 16:57:45

You can google the number and get an idea if it is a person or some kind of chat line.

I can't see what you get from this tbh and I would be tempted to have a talk with him.

The bill was addressed to you so nothing wrong with you looking at it.

Now you know, you really have to deal with it or accept you are funding his overseas calls until he pays.

Doesn't sound great tbh but you won't know until you ask.

Ask him who he knows in Australia.

ChocHobNob Wed 26-Aug-09 17:00:26

Whenever I hear of this, (and I hear it a lot hmm)A number constantly texted and rung all the time, I instantly think, affair. It happened to me. The only evidence was the texts and calls. It's a big warning sign to me.

I would : Ring the number from a withheld number, say in a friendly tone "Hi, who is this?" if they ask "why?" say "I've had a missed call from this number and was wondering who it was" See if they give you a name. If they do (or don't) say "oh, sorry I must have got the wrong number, I'll check. Thanks for your help".

Then confront your partner. Just tell him you accidently opened the bill and was wondering who this number was as you've rung it so much!

See if the names or explanation matches up.

Kally Wed 26-Aug-09 17:00:51

I really don't think he's married. He has bought his little boy to us who is 8. Little boy could go back and say! And the way this man is (apart from this latest finding with bills) doesn't fit 'married'.

He has changed living quarters about 3 times since I have known him, I know it's been very hard for him. That is ok, I can identify with that a bit myself. Also, as he has family around that help out with his little boy, (whereas I don't) he always came to me.

toodles Wed 26-Aug-09 17:01:40

Completely agree with TheCrackFox. Just tell him the truth.

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 26-Aug-09 17:02:36


I would think that you are being played too - you know nothing much about this man at all and you've been together for 2 1/2 years!. Him getting distraught as well would be raising alarm bells with me as that can be seen as manipulative behaviour.

I am wondering why you got him a phone in the first place. Okay so he has bad credit but you are not responsible for that. He's used you there and you've let him.

You have never been to his house or met his lot?. Why have you not been there: I would be wondering exactly why. If this is what its like after 2 1/2 years I would be wondering if this relationship now is actually going anywhere at all. What is in this relationship for you exactly?.

Sounds like he has a close (female) friend in Australia.

mrsboogie Wed 26-Aug-09 17:05:37

hmmm yeah - you could just ring him and, say, casually ask who he knows in Austrailia

if he asks why you wnat to know you could say that you had opted not to have bills sent for your and his phone then for whatever reason one was sent which you thought was for your own phone- and you opened it - what can he say? its your name on the envelope - honest mistake and all that (not so far from the truth) then you were just idly reading it and saw all the OZ numbers and wondered who he knew there?

you could doit all in a jolly/cusually curious manner - after all he's hardly having an actual affair with someone if they live on the other side of the world?

Kally Wed 26-Aug-09 17:06:27

That sounds a good idea. Perhaps I'll get my ballsy friend to do it. I think I would be sick before I opened my mouth to talk. I'm probably one of the most straightforward people around and I just feel stressed about it all. My immediate reaction is to myself I say: Thats what you get for being so gullible. My first reaction is to ditch it all. But I do care for him. Mind you should anything pan out I would be so hurt I don't think I could face him ever again. I guess that is what I am scared of maybe.
How can I talk to him about it. I have red inked numbers, blue inked other numbers... HIS bills... I had no right poking. I think I will get a friend to call in her nice Gordy accent and chinwag it a bit.

Leeka Wed 26-Aug-09 17:07:36

Why not phone the number and ask to speak to him, see what they say - if it's 'xxx isn't here at the moment' or anything that shows they know who he is, then say 'oh, is that his girlfriend?' - see what answer is. Do it from a withheld number!

ChocHobNob Wed 26-Aug-09 17:09:59

It's not his bill though, it's yours. You pay it.

Kally Wed 26-Aug-09 17:10:13

Ooo.. good idea Leeka. Going to ask my friend if she'll cooperate.

Supercherry Wed 26-Aug-09 17:10:44

Kally, phone the number and pretend to be a market research company, any name will do Global Marketing, whatever, then say if they answer a few short questions they will be entered into a prize draw.

Find out name, address, marital status, dependants whatever you want to know.

I reckon most people would fall for this.

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 26-Aug-09 17:12:55

Message withdrawn

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