Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Boyfriend of 4 months is sulking and not answering my calls - am devastated - irrationally so.

(150 Posts)
FloodsOfTears Mon 24-Aug-09 23:42:40

I have a long distance relationship. I love him deeply - he says he loves me (nd he said it first).

Tonight, I rang him at 9.15, for our usual chat. But 10 minutes later a friend of mine poped in and I told him I had to go - at which point he got really abrupt and said, ok, go. Bye then. Everything I said after that got met with "Bye then". Rang him back ten minutes later, told him I'd ring him when she had left, he told me not to bother as he was going to bed, stop being antisocial and go and talk to my friend.

Tried to ring him to say goodnight at 11 - he put the phone down on me without speaking to me. Tried a few times, in case he lost signal - has been known to happen - phone repeatedly switched off. SO I haven;'t bothered again.

What if this is it? What if he never wants to see me again, or speak to me - what if he won't answer his phone tomorrow or the next day or the next day? What if this is me being dumped?

I'm utterly miserable. I absolutely adore this man and he's being so so mean and I don't know why. PLEASE help me put some perspective on this.

FloodsOfTears Mon 24-Aug-09 23:46:07

Oh pLEASE I know it's petty and dull but I am distraught here.

GypsyMoth Mon 24-Aug-09 23:48:41

erm,well,if he's this petty 4 months in,then i think he will be bad news in the future. men like this are controlling.

i think you're well rid. sorry

pinkchampagne Mon 24-Aug-09 23:50:59

I am afraid I agree

AnyFucker Mon 24-Aug-09 23:51:31

I'm sorry but 4 months is nowhere near long enough to know someone that well that you are "deeply in love"

as has just been proven

pick yourself up love, stop crying and get a grip

FloodsOfTears Mon 24-Aug-09 23:53:32

He's NEVER not answered the phone before. NEVER. he is normally lovely, sweet and loving.

And he didn't say he loved me and he always does. But he wouldn't speak to me because my friend was there.

I am gutted. My mind is doing overtime wondering where to go from here. I'm hoping (begging my heart, in shameful honesty) that he has just fallen asleep and is switching his phone off because it keeps making noises, but I don't know.

skidoodle Mon 24-Aug-09 23:53:46

If this is the end he isn't worth having.

Relationships conducted mainly by phone are hard work and can become intense in unhealthy ways. All this sulking and hanging up sounds quite shit and exhausting.

Don't call again. At most send a text tomorrow saying: when you're ready to talk, you know his to get me.

Do not chase him for contact and don't apologise for wanting to talk to your present friend.

AnyFucker Mon 24-Aug-09 23:55:29

how old are you ?

seriously, you sound like a lovesick 14 year old

you have known him for four months but you have a LDR ??

how many times have you actually seen him ??

mrsboogie Mon 24-Aug-09 23:55:49

sorry but unless something really bad happened today to make him behave totally out of character in a one off type temporarily gone insane way you should be very very glad not to hear from him again

He has behaved like a spoilt brat, a stroppy child and a controlling fuckmuppet. He had numerous opportunities to stop and apologise and act like a MAN but he didn't take them.

DO NOT under any circumstances contact him, apologise or in any way chase after him. He is not the man you thought he was. Lucky for you it is long distance - you should be able to get him out of your system that much quicker.

In case you are unsure he is an out and out wanker. Well rid.

FloodsOfTears Mon 24-Aug-09 23:57:12

I seriously don't know what I will do if this splits us up. Obviously I won't do anything, we'll be split up.

I don't know WHY he won't answer the phone. If he's asleep, I don't blame him, I wouldn't want to be woken up. But he wasn't mean, as such, when I was speaking to him. He does (I know) think it's very rude to talk on the phone while you have company (which it is, but my friend is a long term friend and gets it - and does it herself)

I am horrified by the sheer depth of my feelings for this man. Horrified.

FloodsOfTears Mon 24-Aug-09 23:58:41

I KNOW I sound like a lovesick 14 year old. This is why I need perspective on him (unusually) being short on the phone.

AF, we usually spend most weekends together.

AnyFucker Mon 24-Aug-09 23:59:13

< slaps OP around face >

mrsjammi Mon 24-Aug-09 23:59:41

Message withdrawn

Alibabaandthe40nappies Tue 25-Aug-09 00:00:35

He sounds like a total idiot.

This LDR you have - how often do you see each other? When you do see each other, is it always just you and him, all intense and wrapped up in yourselves?

What you have witnessed this evening is his reaction to sharing you. Huge red flag, and you will be well rid.

AnyFucker Tue 25-Aug-09 00:01:01

are you usually so desperate sensitive ??

are you pissed?

are you actually 14?

because if not, I sense a wind-up

FloodsOfTears Tue 25-Aug-09 00:02:01

WHY is he an out and out wanker, though? Please do tell me. I have been appalling treated in the past and don't have any low level radar of shitness.

He's not rude or dismissive of me normally, this is the first time. And we speak every night.

I do have history for over-reacting too ... he wandered off to buy cigarettes once and I thought he had gone home in a strop (we had just had a very minor squabble). I found him wandering back up to mine, having waited on a bench in town for me to finish what I was doing and walk into town as planned. I was (again) ridiculously upset, although did my damnedest not to show it.

BitOfFun Tue 25-Aug-09 00:02:07

Red flag, yes. Let him stew.

odearyme Tue 25-Aug-09 00:02:14

He could just be asleep though!
You sound like you have some massive insecurity issues, and need to try and sort these out somehow

mrsjammi Tue 25-Aug-09 00:02:17

Message withdrawn

skidoodle Tue 25-Aug-09 00:03:34

This panic is not depth of feeling, get a grip.

It's late. Go to sleep and try to get yourself back on an even keel.

A man you gave been dating for a short while has acted like a knob.

The only sensible reaction is to either get rid, or make a mental note if this potential red flag.

Don't get all into the drama - there is nothing exciting here. It's just an ldr mirage making you think this is a big deal.

odearyme Tue 25-Aug-09 00:04:06

You say you have been treated badly in the past, so maybe that is why you're so sensitive, also you might be prone to attracting idiots.

mrsboogie Tue 25-Aug-09 00:04:25

You should be horrified - he doesn't sound like he deserves your feelings.

However if you intend to persist with him PLEASE do not hand him all this power by telling him how you feel or letting him know how much he has got to you by behaving like this. He will return the favour by using it against you when ever he feels the need.

Act smart even if you can't be smart (no offence meant) Make him apologise and make him do all the running or else you will be doing it forever.

SolidGoldBrass Tue 25-Aug-09 00:04:33

It sounds to me like you need a hobby.

AnyFucker Tue 25-Aug-09 00:04:38

mrsjammi, could you decode that please ???

I actually think the OP is a bit of a red flag, herself

perhaps the nasty bloke is well-rid

FloodsOfTears Tue 25-Aug-09 00:05:04

Seriously anyfucker, not a wind up. No, I'm not 14, or drunk. Yes, I am normally hypersensitive. That's why I need perspective - because I don't know what's likely to happen next. Is this me being told firmly to fuck off and never speak to him again? Is this him being asleep and poking his phone so it's quiet after bleeping? Is this womanly instinct telling me I'm about to be dumped or is this neuroticism at work? I have NO cntext for this. My ex used to scream abuse or stone wall me for days, not tell me to "talk to your friend BYE".

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now