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Can anyone be happy being the dp of a heavy drinker/alcoholic?

(10 Posts)
shatteredmumsrus Mon 24-Aug-09 21:43:24

Can your relationship survive it? dp is a heavy drinker and he isnt ready to stop, what do i do?Stay or go?

beatiebow Mon 24-Aug-09 21:49:38

If it is affecting the family I would go.

shatteredmumsrus Mon 24-Aug-09 21:58:16

what f i love him tho

ilikeshoes Mon 24-Aug-09 21:59:35

My mother was married to alcoholic(my father)
and it really effected us all, she suffered it for 15 years, and i think if they are not going to even try and get help then they don't deserve a family around them, your in danger of waisting your life, sorry if i sound harsh, i loved`my father but it is no way to live.

ilikeshoes Mon 24-Aug-09 22:01:41

Its hard when you love someone is'nt it? but if hes not even prepared to get help, then is he worth your love?

anothermum92 Mon 24-Aug-09 22:01:53

Message withdrawn

skybright Mon 24-Aug-09 22:02:02

God knows,i'm not happy,there are plenty of other problems as well but one is that he drinks at least four or five cans of beer every nigt no matter how skint he is. He refuses to accept that it is a problem and says he is happy to continue with it.

So if i say anything he takes it as nagging. I hvae asked him not to drink 2 days of the week but he refuses.

Not much help,but you are not alone.

PacificDogwood Mon 24-Aug-09 22:05:07

Do go to an Al-Anon meeting. Website here.
It could be the best investment of time you have ever made.
If you do not like it, don't go again. What have got to lose by going just once?

Schnullerbacke Mon 24-Aug-09 22:36:26

Sorry but with all the love in the world, you will not be happy in the long term. My Mum is an alcoholic and it still affects us to this day.

I know you love him but when you are old and you look back at your life, will you be happy the way you have lived it? If not, its too late, you only have one.

Leaving him doesn't have to be a permanent situation, it may get him to realise that he has a problem and once he has addressed it, you could always give it another go.

Don't make the mistake in thinking that you can help him with this because you cannot, even if you put 1000% effort in.

Sorry if it is not what you wanted to hear but living with alcoholics is just miserable.

itsmeolord Mon 24-Aug-09 23:38:39

Refuse to enable him, don't buy alchohol, don't drink alchohol (he would see this as justifying it being ok to drink).
Get the infomation for him, ie telephone numbers and leaflets etc.
Ultimately it is his choice to drink and it will be his choice if he stops.
It is however, your choice how you choose to react to that.
You have a few choices.
You could leave or ask him to leave so that you don;t have to deal with it.
You could stay and simply not engage with his drinking but probably end up very resentful and hurt.
You could stay but insist on a daily basis that he stops/gets help in which case he will probably end up resentful as will you.
You could leave/ask him to leave but let him know that when he is dry you will be more than happy to have the marriage.

It's up to you what you want to do, it's up to him what he is willing to do.

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