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How do I tell him to stop whining or talk to someone else.

(5 Posts)
hungrierhippo Mon 24-Aug-09 21:00:50

I'm really hoping this doesn't end up in The Daily Mail but here goes.

My brother is going through a divorce. I have had years of constant phone calls complaining about his unhappy marriage. Then a year of conversations following their separation in a minutia he says she says kind of way. Now he has started new relationships and is constantly calling to over analyze it, talk about every last conversation, confusion about his feelings about his wife etc etc.

I've been very sympathetic and supportive but I really am losing the will to live. He calls all the time and never notices that I might have my hands full or be in the middle of something. I have 3 small children and my free time is precious but all my spare minutes in the day seem to be counselling him.

How can I tell him very nicely and supportively that he really needs to talk to someone else now!

AnyFucker Mon 24-Aug-09 21:03:00

just tell him ??

he is your brother, not Satan-personified

isn't he ?

SolidGoldBrass Mon 24-Aug-09 21:03:57

Use an answerphone. And don't return calls more than once a day, and only at a time when it's convenient to you. This is really the only way to deal with people who are this demanding, because any other attempt at suggesting to them that hey, you matter as well and there is more to your life than being their wailing-wall ends up with them flouncing about and accusing you of selfishness.

hungrierhippo Mon 24-Aug-09 21:05:29

You are wise indeed anyfucker.

Problem is I worry about him, I have tried suggesting that he may be depressed and should get some counselling but he said not. But I don't want to kick him when he's down (although he's been there so long it's probably ground level!)

AnyFucker Mon 24-Aug-09 21:08:59

so go with sgb's suggestions then

screen his calls

when you call him back, set a timer by the phone for 10 mins

when it dings, "time up", good-byeee

seriously, he is being selfish and self-obsessed

he is not the first or last to go through this stuff

you cannot be his emotional crutch forever, it sounds like you have already gone much further than is useful tbh, cos he now has an unhealthy relationship with you

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