Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Does your MIL get/appear upset if you shout at your kids?

(43 Posts)
FabBakerGirlIsBack Mon 24-Aug-09 17:48:50

Mine seems too and I don't know why but it makes me feel awful.

She would never shout at my kids and I am almost certain never shouted at hers.

I would rather not shout but some times...

TheGashlycrumbTinies Mon 24-Aug-09 17:55:34

Actual opposite, MIL has said on many occasions "my palms are itching" meaning DD's need to be slapped.

DH will not let his mother look after the children at all, he has first hand experience of her. She has very old school attitude, children should be seen and not heard, read books quietly, etc, etc. sad

peanutbutterkid Mon 24-Aug-09 17:58:43

MIL gets upset if DH gets upset enough to shout. Because MIL gets upset from seeing DH upset. DH only gets so upset that he would start shouting, because he fears that his mother disapproves of him not having enough control of DC.

I could scream like a Banshee at them and MIL wouldn't give a toss.

MmeLindt Mon 24-Aug-09 18:00:46

My dad gets upset. He sometimes even cries. <big wuss>

He did not used to be like this, and I have told him that sometimes the DC need to be disiplined (not hit, but spoken sternly to) but he just gets all teary.

Tbh, it makes me angry because I feel that he is critisising my parenting.

lisasimpson Mon 24-Aug-09 18:10:11

Mine does - if she thinks I am over-reacting hmm (even said I was very loudly in front of family when I dared to put her grandson on timeout for 5 mins!) I particularly seethed when I overheard her saying that sort of thing can 'scarr you for life' angry

FabBakerGirlIsBack Mon 24-Aug-09 18:12:15

MmeLindt - I am sure she isn't criticising your parenting. Grandparents have rose coloured glasses and forget what it is like to parent young children. They get all the joy of the children but get to give them back.

iceagethree Mon 24-Aug-09 18:14:04

she shouted

she has forgotten

LilRedWG Mon 24-Aug-09 18:17:06

Ah, my MIL picked Dniece up yesterday after I'd told her not to do something and said, "Ah, ignore the wicked witch". 'Twas slightly tongue in cheek but made me want to slap her all the same.

That being said, she fab in every other way.

screamingabdab Mon 24-Aug-09 18:18:28

Fab - surely this isn't about your MIL, but about whether or not you are happy about how you are parenting ?

wonderingwondering Mon 24-Aug-09 18:20:42

My own mother switches between accusing me of not being strict enough with mine, to saying 'oh, they're alright/tired/just excited' whenever I do discipline them. But I understand, as I deep down I don't like it when DH tells them off, even though I know he has too. Just that protective instinct. It is quite hard to control.

screamingabdab Mon 24-Aug-09 18:24:15

wonderingwondering yes, I get that - I will wince occasionally when DH tells mine off, but then I realise that I probably sound exactly the same at times.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Mon 24-Aug-09 18:26:48

iceagethree if she did I doubt it is like I do. She is used to teaching a class full of 30 five year olds so my 3 is nothing.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Mon 24-Aug-09 18:27:39

screaming.. I don't know what to say.

MaggieLeo Mon 24-Aug-09 18:30:06

Never see my xmil, but my mum got annoyed with me the other day when my children 7 and 4, poured half a bottle of expensive shampoo down the bath and yes, hands up, I shouted at them for about a minute, pretty loudly like a fishwife.

My son, the main perp. also got no story that night.

My mum witnessed this scene and gave me no end of grief. What was I supposed to do?! say, oh never mind, no probs, carry on being a messer.

oneopinionatedmother Mon 24-Aug-09 18:38:34

my MIL gets upset about any effort to impose any kind of restriction on dd by any means. even time out 'causes psychological damage'

but then she only had 2 kids, and one was utterly out of control, dh was very naughty too. So who cares what she thinks?

luckylady74 Mon 24-Aug-09 18:40:54

I would never shout at my kids in front of anyone but dh. I would remove them from the room and speak firmly to them, but shouting - I couldn't do it - it would feel like really losing conrol and I'd be far too embarassed.
I can't cope with other people shouting at their kids in front of me - just feels so rude and loud - I'd far rather they did a firm whisper in their ear!
Ithink I may be very very repressed.

weegiemum Mon 24-Aug-09 18:42:44

My MIL does.

But I think that is because she can't deal with any kind of confrontation - incredibly passive agressive.

Once dh and I exchanged "views" in the car cos he had left me standing in the rain for 20 mins - he apologised but she sat behind us saying "its ok, its ok" in a panicky voice for about 5 minutes.

She doesn't like me raising my voice at all to the children - but feels free to do so herself, and doesn't mind dh doing it - just not me?

Don't get it - but there are so many toxic/passive-agressive/totally nuts issues with MIl that I kind of give up!

screamingabdab Mon 24-Aug-09 19:04:46

Sorry, Fab, maybe I should explain myself a bit more.

Just wondering why it makes you feel awful that your MIL is upset at the shouting. Is it because you think she is criticising you ?

FabBakerGirlIsBack Mon 24-Aug-09 19:07:56

I think I meant I didn't know what to say, screaming, as you were more than right.

She would never criticise me but she has different ways of doing things and I think she is better than me with the kids.

gypsymoon Mon 24-Aug-09 19:08:51

My mother does it which drives me crazy since al I remember when i was growing up was her screaming, shouting, bellowing at us....she puts on this holier-than-thou expression as though she would never do something so awful.....aaghh! You've really touched a nerve Fab - didn't realise how much it irritates me!

screamingabdab Mon 24-Aug-09 19:15:01

Oh, Fab. The thing is, I think my mum is terrific with my children,endlessly patient, firm and fair. She has been a really good grandparent as well - never gives advice unless asked etc.

But. I remember her not being the perfect mother to me, because no-one is ! She used to get stressed and naggy and shouty when I was a child. It is much easier being a grandparent !

Maybe you can learn some tricks from your MIL ?

MrsMattie Mon 24-Aug-09 19:17:38

My MIL thinks I am sparing the rod and spoiling the child, so no. She'd be happier if I beat them with a wooden spoon now and then grin. I am the original Shouty Mum, but I'm also an ineffectual pushover much of the time, so hey-ho, swings and roundabouts....

screamingabdab Mon 24-Aug-09 19:18:22

Do you generally get on with your MIL ? (sorry for all the questions).

Oh, and I forgot to say, I also shout quite a bit. There was a time when I used to shout in an out-of-control sort of way, and I had to address that, but now I still shout. I don't think a bit of shouting in the right circumstances, is necessarily a bad thing

wonderingwondering Mon 24-Aug-09 19:21:06

It is easier for GP's to be 'better' with the children at times. That's their job - to be patient.

They've not been up all night, tried to negotiate the wash/toothbrush/breakfast thing , put the shoes on three times, chased the children round the house, wrestled them into the buggy/car seats, all before 9 o'clock.

Children have to learn that their parents are human - they get tired, fed up, and lose their temper when pushed. So we all shout sometimes. GP's, if they are good ones, have more time, less pressure and so patience. And it's not their job to discipline children in the same way as it is the parents' role.

But that doesn't stop them judging... smile

FabBakerGirlIsBack Mon 24-Aug-09 19:24:31

Sorry gypsymoon.

We get on okay, have had some humdingers though, but we don't really talk and she never tells me what I should do - even when I ask.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now