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Did you marry 'beneath' you?

(74 Posts)
paolosgirl Sun 29-May-05 20:21:29

Or above you? Or is class a thing of a past?

MRSflamesparrow Sun 29-May-05 20:22:51

Bout the same for me I think...

My dad's an electrician, his was a miner, then lorry driver. We're both skint!!

Dior Sun 29-May-05 20:22:58

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Gobbledigook Sun 29-May-05 20:26:45

really couldn't comment

expatinscotland Sun 29-May-05 20:31:51

I married a man who is, I think, a far more decent human being than I am. He's gentle, thoughtful, loving, kind and honest - a truly beautiful soul.

I was brought up in a place that wasn't very class-oriented - it was more about what you did with what you had, so I never can get my head round this 'beneath' you or 'class' thing.

IMO, that's a sad way to go through life, b/c anything can happen to anyone. I would have missed out on so many amazing experiences and incredible people in my life if I'd had the attitude that something or someone was somehow beneath me.

Class isn't about money or social position.

kama Sun 29-May-05 20:40:59

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jenkel Sun 29-May-05 20:54:17

Eduation wise - dh is above me
Family background - tough to answer, dh comes from a very broken up family, but his mum and stetpdad probably had marginally better jobs than my mum and dad.

tillykins Sun 29-May-05 20:56:00

We're women who marry men - so we always marry beneath us

joash Sun 29-May-05 21:26:02

LOL Tillykins .

Depends what you mean by beneath you. According to sociaologist version of the social class thingy - women take on the social class of their fathers until they marry, then they fall into their husbands social class. So...if thats the case - then yes. My biological father is wealthy (doesn't work for a living wealthy) and an unbelievable snob about this sort of thing.

Trouble is, these things don't take account of life in general - I grew up with a mother who was a serial monogomist (7 husbands - my father was the first), lived most of my childhood on benefits with clothing grants, free school dinners, teenage mum, etc and moved around from one grotty council estate to the other.

In reality - NO - DH can be a pain at times, as all men can, but generally he's kind, considerate, fabulous with the kids and GS, works his b*lls off to make sure that we're not particularly in need of anything.

joash Sun 29-May-05 21:26:21

sociaologist = sociologist

edam Sun 29-May-05 21:49:24

Gosh, you are all being very grown-up about this. So I'll lower the tone. Yes, I did, but only just. Think if dh's family had been completely different it wouldn't grate so much but because they are just one step behind there's stuff that irritates me - like saying 'toilet' (although I think I've finally trained him out of that one), or 'serviette'.
It isn't really an issue, just amusing sometimes. I just hope ds gets the same kind of attitude to education as my family though - dh's family didn't really know how to play the system so he ended up not doing very well at school.

motherinferior Sun 29-May-05 21:56:53

Just about the same, I think.

paolosgirl Sun 29-May-05 22:06:09

The reason I asked is because most - if not all - of my friends (myself included) seem to have married men from similar backgrounds to thmeselves. I've had boyfriends in the past who were a bit of rough, but I couldn't have imagined marrying them IYKWIM. The person who said that class isn't about money or position was so right.
A good example is a neighbour of mine, big house, flash cars etc who named(!) his house Xorbi - that's Ibrox backwards Nae class...

joash Sun 29-May-05 22:14:37

Here's where I get lynched!!!

I do like to think that I am not affected by so-called class - but then I went to an Ann Summers party with a neighbour the other night - in an area that has a reputation for being 'lower working class' and I have to admit that I cringed from the moment I walked in the door - absolutely everything fitted in with the stereotypes - from the decor, to the furniture, from the food (pork pie and black pudding - yuck), to the booze, the clothes that most of them were wearing (belts posing as skirts - boobs hanging below waists with no obvious signs of support), the hair (either bleached blonde with black roots or just mases of it plonked on the top of their heads with bits sticking out al over) the language that jumped out of their mouths (every other word an 'F' or 'B') - even the poor woman doing the party looked shell-shocked.

paolosgirl Sun 29-May-05 22:19:45

No, you don't get lynched at all! LOL at your description of the Ann Summers party. Class does exist - it's mad to pretend it doesn't, or that it doesn't matter. It shouldn't - but it does.

jjash Sun 29-May-05 22:23:13

i am from a very middle class family and my dp was brought up in a very working class family.We live in his home town and it is very working class -its the best place i`ve ever lived!!
My dps family and my friends here would give you their last penny .I feel like i`ve come home as my grandparents originally came from this town.There is a fair amount of `roughness` in some people i know [me included ] but you know that saying :``heart of gold``...
I think im lucky to live here rather than the bigoted way my dad tried to raise us .

lavenderrr Sun 29-May-05 22:25:37

no I treat everyone the same, my husband is also degree educated so we have a similiar outlook on life, but I do not look down on people because they are a dustman, or postman...marry beneath you...the only person beneath me is the person is the one who thinks himself better than me....and if he wanted to marry me, he wouldn't have married me, iywim, as I wouldn't tolerate someone who thought they were good and I was not on their level...not because I think they match up to me..yet I want down to earth...getting up at 5.30am to work people....who cares about a man'sjob, it's his considerationtowards other people that shows his real persona...

Prufrock Sun 29-May-05 22:58:50

Above me, according to both my MIL (who considers herself to be so much better than my family although she only got her"class" through marriage herself), and my mother, who thinks my MIL is a stuck up snob. But dh considers himself lucky to have me, and I think I'm lucky to have him.

stitch Sun 29-May-05 23:28:47

when in the heat of an argument, i used to make out as if i had married below me. but i spoout all sorts of rubbish when my blood is boiling.

i think the only time i am aware of class really is when someone is trying to be something they so obviously arent. or when people look downon someone else because of their job/size of house/wardrobe/car/familybackground etc. my parents always taught us that all honest jobs, done well, are worthwhile, be that a cleaner or ceo of a multinational. as long as its an honest job,, theres no difference.

having said that, i dont think i would want my kids to have partners working menial jobs iyswim

stitch Sun 29-May-05 23:29:37

addendum
bcos i want the best of everything in life for them. and that includes the material side of things as well as the spiritual

eldestgirl Mon 30-May-05 05:05:47

Haha! My DH and I are always joking about this. He thinks he has married beneath him because his grandparents went to Uni, whereas I was the first member of my family to go. I tease him that actually he is beneath me as my parents are loaded and don't come from Oop North.
So I suppose it's not in the past as we still joke about it. However, I think we are both ended up bog standard middle class (even if he has more degrees than me!).

noddyholder Mon 30-May-05 07:32:18

can't believe this thread !!Old fashioned snobby and full of cliches Sorry Agree though that class has little to do with money

ggglimpopo Mon 30-May-05 07:34:49

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noddyholder Mon 30-May-05 07:39:26

who is mellors

ggglimpopo Mon 30-May-05 07:49:45

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