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DNA testing

(20 Posts)
Jayne68 Mon 24-Aug-09 13:46:30

My ex, who has recently had to start paying me maintenance after paying nothing for 6 years, is now requesting a DNA on our youngest daughter who's 9. This is purely sour grapes because of the CSA intervention, and i'm more than willing to agree to the test as he (and I)both know full well he's her father.
He's voluntarily chosen not to see our 3 children for almost two years now, and now he's demanding this.
My main concern though, is - how can I be sure it's actually HIM who's taken his part of the test and not some gullible single mate who's agreed to do it for him?
He is more than capable of doing something like this to "prove" he's not the father and to make me out to be a liar.

curvychick Mon 24-Aug-09 15:19:21

Hi there, fret not! When the csa are involved in dna testing, he will have to see a nurse and take along photo id when he goes to verify it is indeed actually him, and not some dodgy mate acting as a stand in. The csa have heard it all before! My ex left the country stopping off on the way to the airport to say goodbye to our boys to avoid his maintenance payments....when i rang the csa to inform them, they werent in the least bit suprised. Some men just dont deserve the privileged title of 'dad'. I hope he ends up looking the prat that he is, with a big helping of egg on his face. Best of luck to you

lilacclaire Mon 24-Aug-09 15:44:06

He needs to bring along a passport sized photograph as well which the doctor takes and verifys the picture is of the same person taking the test.
In the case that the test came back negative, you would be shown the photo to verify it was indeed him.
Oh and he'll have to pay for the test as well if he's found to be the father.
They really just make things more difficult on themselves!

Jayne68 Mon 24-Aug-09 16:22:15

Thankyou both for your replies.
However, he chose not to do the tests when the csa originally contacted him, and he was disputing being the father of ANY of our children.
Instead, he's chosen to do this himself via a solicitor, so not only will he be paying full whack for the test, but solicitor's fees as well!
I'm aware that even if it was negative (which it won't be), then the csa do not recognise tests conducted by any other than who they recommend, so i'm not sure what he's hoping to gain apart from being out of pocket.
Will he still have to prove his ID even though he's doing it privately?
His solicitor said if I don't agree then it will go to court. I know he will be proved wrong, but it makes me so mad he is making me prove he's the dad when he knows damn well he is. I feel like being stubborn and NOT agreeing to the tests just so he has to fork out more money to go to court...

MaggieLeo Mon 24-Aug-09 16:25:00

hmmm, sounds dodgy, looks like he's trying to get out of paying any maintenance to me.

Can you get a solicitor and insist on being present when he gives dna?

oldraver Mon 24-Aug-09 19:26:17

Well if he is just going through his solicitor then there is no need for you to comply with the request. I would just say no.

Overmydeadbody Mon 24-Aug-09 19:30:14

Surely unless he does it through the CSA you don't actually have to agree to it anyway though? Let it go to court, then if the judge insists you take part it can all be done properly anyway, so either way he looses and is being a prize idiot.

Why are some men so spiteful and horrible to their own children? Bastards.

skidoodle Mon 24-Aug-09 19:41:48

Don't involve a 9 year old child in his spiteful games.

I can't believe anyone could be so horrible. Even if she hasn't seen him for two years it will still hurt like hell if she knows he's trying to do this. Imagine your own dad trying to deny his paternity? Awful

At least they have you to protect them.

PleaseMrsButler Mon 24-Aug-09 19:45:53

Please be careful about doing it via anyone other than the CSA.

There is no regulation in the DNA testing industry and it is very hard to be confident that 'you' are using a reputable provider. If you want to do this insist that it is done via the CSA.

ChocHobNob Mon 24-Aug-09 21:07:44

I would first wait and see what company he is using, you will find out when they contact you. Do some research myself and see if it is a reputable company (if it is, go along with it) and if it's some home kit or peace of mind test (which his solicitor would have to be a fool recommending him to use one which will not stand up in court) I would refuse and let it go to court.

When it goes to court they will insist on a company such as Cellmark who the CSA use and there is no way he can fiddle those results. He has to take photo ID with him when the swabs are taken.

Jayne68 Mon 24-Aug-09 21:35:49

Thankyou very much for all your replies
It's very helpful to get impartial views on this. My first reaction was to just do it, as i've nothing to hide/prove, but at the back of my mind I was thinking of just ignoring it, and if he wants to waste his money going to court, then so be it..he will be the one to look a fool.
Thanks again everyone

PleaseMrsButler Mon 24-Aug-09 22:29:37

Honestly The VAST VAST majority of DNA testing labs out there send a home swabbing kit.

This is VERY VERY VERY bad - for 2 reasons. Firstly it means that he can swab who-ever he wants (which you have obviously cottoned onto). Secondly, because of the sensitivity of the test you have to be ultra careful with sample collection. Even in a forensic situation with full qualified forensic scientists it is not easy to get a sampel good enough for this test (it is obviously done routinely in this setting - but it is still hard). Home swabs are a complete nightmare. If swabs taken by a nurse in some backstreet clinic have grave pitfalls.

Honestly I would be really cautious about this being done through anything other the CSA. If you even suspect that it is a home swab kit - refuse. If you get a kit through teh post to swap DD refuse. It is money down the drain.

Honestly.

Jayne68 Mon 24-Aug-09 23:24:33

I'm not bothered about the money as it's him that's squandering it, but would I be liable for the cost if I agreed, found out it was a dodgy firm, then refused?
Would I have to pay any court costs if it went to court?

PleaseMrsButler Mon 24-Aug-09 23:26:42

Don't know about costs....I am more worried (on your behalf) about being able to trust the result.

itsmeolord Mon 24-Aug-09 23:32:18

No and no. IN a nutshell.

You can refuse to have any tests done, you can insist that the only tests you are prepared to undergo will be done through the CSA.
You can further state that as your ex has been paying his maintenence for some time you are confused as to why he is now asking for proof of paternity.
He wouldn't get to court in my opinion, he is obviously working with some sort of hidden agenda. Ie, he needs to justify his lack of contact or perhaps he just wants to hurt you. Whatever it is even if it did go to court they would be unlikely to make an order for paternity testing without going through the CSA as it is not an unreasonable request.

I was in a very similar position. Do not under any circumstances agree to any tests being done unless through the CSA.

And you also need to consider how you will explain this to your dd if it did come to a test. She is old enough to understand at 9 and that will be very hurtful for her.

Jayne68 Tue 25-Aug-09 08:41:10

@ itsmeolord - I think you've made up my mind.
I was thinking along these lines already.
Why should I jump just because he's decided to have another brainstorm.
Regarding explaining it to my gorgeous girlie...well, i'm not sure there's a subtle way of saying it is there?...."daddy doesn't think your his girl".
What a bastard. I hate him so much.
All I ever did was cook clean and care for the children and now I get this.

ChocHobNob Tue 25-Aug-09 10:41:25

If he refuses to do it with the CSA then it will go to court.

My H used a company outside of the CSA because he went direct to the company the CSA use!

If you get a letter from the company your ex is using and it is Cellmark, then that is the company the CSA use. Why delay getting anymore child support in the meantime (I assume it's stopped at the moment) just to try and force him to go through the CSA if he's using the same company anyway.

I would get some legal advice if you're not sure. You can normally find a solicitor who offers a free initial consultation.

ChocHobNob Tue 25-Aug-09 10:42:25

To clarify, my H isn't a barsteward who had been in a relationship with his daughter's Mum and had decided years down the line to confirm paternity. What your ex is doing now is horrible.

Jayne68 Tue 25-Aug-09 14:20:02

Thanks again for replies.
Luckily my csa payments haven't been stopped, because when he refused to do the dna tests through them, the csa "assumed parentage", plus his name is on my children's birth certificates,(what with him being the father and all wink), therefore, as far as they're concerned, he has to continue paying unless he can prove otherwise.
Why he's now only pinpointing our youngest and not all three is a complete mystery though.
I think he's told that many lies to that many people about me just to make himself look a victim, that he's started to believe them!
I can't comprehend why he's going to all this trouble and expense to prove something he already knows the answer to - it's madness.
Then again, if he's told the same lies to his ladyfriend of 3 years, maybe she's now pushing him to justify paying maintenance for a child he claims isn't his?
He's disrupted our lives for the past 7 years and has been the sole cause of any stress and worry in all that time and yet we don't even see him!
I just wonder when it's all going to end... hmm

Jayne68 Tue 25-Aug-09 14:25:28

Just to clarify, I have been in receipt of csa payments since last January.
He denied parentage of all 3 when first contacted, but refused dna testing when suggested by csa.
It's only now, *7 months* down the line that he's now denying the youngest.
Presumably he can only afford 1 dna test now. wink

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