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Why My Ex Wins The Prize for "Scumbag of The Decade"

(48 Posts)
MadameOvary Mon 24-Aug-09 10:14:09

I haven't seen him for nearly three months now. Strongly suspect he is a Narcissist (was defo abusive) and don't want him doing me any more damage. He sees DD for a couple of hours a week but has been texting me trying to get me to meet him.
Its clear that he's trying to worm his way back into my affections (which will NEVER happen) but I just found out that he was sending flirty texts to another woman (who wasnt interested, thankfully,) two years ago WHILE I WAS PREGNANT. Niiiice.

So far, so shit but also:

Has texted me saying "Fancy a shag?" while his wife was recovering from a miscarriage and not up for sex (or so he says anyway).

Asked me to be his mistress.

He is a performance poet and announced the birth of DD to the audience...before saying that he had never wanted kids. This is on Youtube so will be great for DD to see when she's older.angry

Added to all the other stuff I've posted about here, that he said "I hope you die" the night before I went into labour, the times he's verbally and physically and emotionally abused me...well I think he wins the prize.

He says he wants to see me because he misses me. Yeh, must be really difficult when you only have your partner to abuse and not your ex as well. Tosser.

Tidey Mon 24-Aug-09 10:16:20

shock He sounds like a nightmare arsehat of the highest order. To put it mildly. Sounds like you're well shot of him.

MadameOvary Mon 24-Aug-09 10:18:31

Oh I am Tidey. He did a lot of damage but being away from him has restored my sanity.

ohjustgrowup Mon 24-Aug-09 10:22:49

O M G. What a complete twatsack. Feel sorry for his current partner. Poor cow. You did well to escape him.

MadameOvary Mon 24-Aug-09 10:28:05

He was very, very convincing as a nice person initially. Scarily so. Charming too. But to quote a character from "Desperate Romantics":

"I don't trust charm in a man. It speaks of a weak character and restless genitals" Bang on!

Ninks Mon 24-Aug-09 10:36:25

God I couldn't bear my ex having my mobile number, he'd always be sending awful texts.

Does he need to have it, I mean - does he take your DD out at all? She's only little still.

Even better, could you ask him to arrange seeing him in a contact centre or something? You might find it's all too much effort unless he's still able to see and therefore manipulate you.

If he really does want to be a father to his daughter he'll do it and everyone wins. DD will get dedicated time with him and he'll truly be out of YOUR life.

Ninks Mon 24-Aug-09 10:38:48

Oh sorry, didn't read the O.P properly. Sounds like he is definitely wanting to hold onto you in some way. Change your number so he can't get in contact and make him go through whoever is facilitating his visits with DD.

MadameOvary Mon 24-Aug-09 10:53:06

Ninks, he pretty much is out of my life, thankfully. I have had lots of emotional support and the texts are much less of a pain than they used to be. I'm happy with the way things are because I've managed to get some emotional distance which has made a massive difference.

To be honest I hope to get to the point where seeing him wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I'm happy to let him kid himself he can still affect me like he used to - being a Narcissist I would probably find it hard to convince him otherwise IYKWIM.

Ninks Mon 24-Aug-09 10:59:56

That's an admirable goal I agree. Much better for him to leave you absolutely cold when he plays his games than to make you angry or stressed. I see where you are coming from.

However, this may take a few years, DD is still only a baby and you have had a very rough time so you do need to look after yourself carefully.

We are talking about Handfast-Man-who-wanted-his-other-DC-to-witness-your-first-birth-Punching-Well-Above-His-Weight-blok e aren't we? I didn't know he was a performance poet too grin

MadameOvary Mon 24-Aug-09 11:07:21

Yes Ninks, that's him grin
I suppose I should have known that a man who makes a living from impersonating a Dalek on stage wasn't going to be that mature...

Ninks Mon 24-Aug-09 11:14:26

I've seen wonderfully-captioned pictures of him!

(And have to qualify that Hand-fasting ceremonies do not imply twattishness in themselves or SGB and others will be cross with me wink)

But he really does take the prize with these latest escapades.

Scumbag of the decade for sure and almost certainly NPD, yes.

MadameOvary Mon 24-Aug-09 11:19:09

I look on the bright side now Ninks,
not only have I recieved the best education ever in how to spot a useless twat a mile away, but if one ever comes near DD I'll make sure he leaves immediately withmyfootprintonhisarse--.

MadameOvary Mon 24-Aug-09 11:20:22

Still haven't cracked that strikeout thing blush

MaggieLeo Mon 24-Aug-09 11:31:13

My arse x would win the contest I tell you!! He definitely also has NPD, he was abusive, controlling, the whole shebang.

The only way to get over it, and to get to the point where you literally do not care what he thinks of you, or what his version of events is, is to NEVER see him. Never communicate. Never text. Never email.

Sounds like a passive revenge. At first it sounds like you're just making life too easy for him. But it will make him feel that you have de-humanised him. Invalidated his opinions.

It is incredibly hard at first. The temptation to defend yourself in the face of an insulting text is almost overwhelming, but if you can ride out that temptation and NOT respond, eventually you will be pissing him off with your 'withdrawal' and silence far more than any snappy logical reasonable text could ever get to him.

If you can get somebody else to do the handover, your mum, your sister, a friend. even hire a babysitter if you need to.

Allow a long period of time to elapse without contact.

I'm now at a point where my x has asked my mum in a whingey voice "why won't Maggie talk to me?" my mum resisted the tempation to say, eh, because you were a violent bully who to this day shouts about your rights whilst giving the children nothing........

I have peace of mind now and it's priceless.


MadameOvary Mon 24-Aug-09 11:40:43

Maggie - I have a good friend who does the handovers and is immune to his BS. He is sounding a bit whingy now tho!

I am starting to get peace of mind now, and you are right, it is wonderful!

MaggieLeo Mon 24-Aug-09 11:48:35

yes, it took me two years though! I sound like I have it all sewn up now, but I wasted the first year of what was supposed to be my new life (having escaped him) trying to get him to see reason... it was a waste of breath, energy, time... you name it. complete narcissist. oNly capable of seeing things from his own point of view!

he is really pissed off that I have avoided him successfully for over a year now.. must be so irritating for him! he can't mock me about the fact that I'm not wiht anybody else, I didn't pass my driving test first time, etc,,, there are so many things he must be dying to belittle me over!! and now I have made myself a total stranger to him, he can't do it.

I know to a lot of people who have normal relationship breakdowns wiht normal men, it sounds immature and selfish and detrimental to the children etc etc,,, but people with normal exes, they just wouldn't have a clue!

themoon66 Mon 24-Aug-09 11:53:31

youtube link please... so we can leave comments grin

MadameOvary Mon 24-Aug-09 12:41:25

themoon - I had better CAT you it grin

skihorse Mon 24-Aug-09 12:41:28

He's clearly a moron - so why are you that bothered you post here about him?

themoon66 Mon 24-Aug-09 12:43:26

Damn, I don't have CAT. email me


MadameOvary Mon 24-Aug-09 12:55:14

Anyone else? grin

MadameOvary Mon 24-Aug-09 12:56:16

skihorse - because its good to vent.

themoon66 Mon 24-Aug-09 13:07:56

Gawd, he loves himself doesn't he! shock

slug Mon 24-Aug-09 13:22:15

<<Waves hand excitedly>> Please Miss!! Please Miss! Me too!! I could do with a good snigger.

wibbletsmum @ yahoo dot co dot uk

notwavingjustironing Mon 24-Aug-09 13:23:22

is he the one who thinks that four legged animals are better than things that swim ?wink

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