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So it dosn't work out with ''the one''? Now what?

(10 Posts)
poshsinglemum Sun 23-Aug-09 10:10:13

I mean, isn't anyone else going to be second best?
I know that ''the one'' dosn't exist but some people are particularly important or special for whatever reason but it dosn't always work out with them. It's not always easy just to move on.
Just feeling a bit sad about some I have let slip through the net.

poshsinglemum Sun 23-Aug-09 10:11:29

BTW- this is especially if ''the one'' hasn't done anything wrong but the timing is wrong etc.

joliejolie Sun 23-Aug-09 12:02:21

I am not sure if I believe in "the one" theory, but certainly some relationships are more meaningful than others.

I know what you mean about second best though.
Honestly, I think my dh is such an amazing person that I would probably prefer to be single if I could not be with him. He has all of the qualities I wanted and is my best friend. We have been together for many years though.

duke748 Sun 23-Aug-09 19:44:04

I have felt like you do before. The heartache lasts longer when it was one of those things where you still love him, but just know that the timing isn't right. Its easy to think it would be easier to get over him if you caught him in bed with your best mate. Then at least the anger would distract you from the pain.

But know this, if its ending on relatively good terms, then you must have picked a good bloke, who hasn't resorted to name calling etc at the end of a relationship. But do remember also that he isn't right for you or it wouldn't be ending.

I have has 3 four year relationships and each of them was very special to me. They all worked for that particular moment in my life. But I am a different person to what I was 10 years ago. The older I get, the more I know myself and what I want and need in a partner.

If you think that some friends are great for some things only. For example, I have friends who are great for going out with and giggling about men, some who are great to invite round for some cake and a natter and some who know all about my job and will let me moan away about it and totally get what I am saying. I have a few very good friends who can be all of those people and know when is the right time to be each of those roles.

In relationships I think that there are a lot of men who could fulfil one part of what you need and there are less who could fufil all of them. But there isn't only ONE person who could do that, but they are certainly a rare breed.

I know its hard, but try to be happy that this has finished without resorting to hatred. Learn from what it has taught you and go into your new single world knowing that there are others out there who will suit you perfectly and take you in new directions you didn't even know about.

skihorse Mon 24-Aug-09 08:10:21

If he's "the one" then the timing would not be an issue - in fact, if he were even in "the top 5 or so" the timing would be irrelevant.

"The one" is a big load of bollocks IMO and I remember reading a report once which suggested we were actually emotionally compatible with 1 in 50. Good odds!

Well, even if he were "1 in a million" - that means there's 9 more in London alone.

I think there are way too many people out there wasting their lives trying to replicate what they felt with one person rather than moving on. I have many single friends in their 30s who say things like "My ex was so perfect nobody will ever match up to him" - perfect? Then why did you split up?

Tommy Mon 24-Aug-09 08:21:47

agree with skihorse smile

If he was "the one", it would work - or it will eventually.

I read a quote the other day which makes sense to me "Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok - it's not the end"

smile

skidoodle Mon 24-Aug-09 08:30:23

If someone feels second best then you are wasting both your time.

picmaestress Mon 24-Aug-09 16:47:03

I read somewhere that there at least 80 people in the world who are likely to be a brilliant match for you. You just have to get out there to find them.
I do know what you mean, it does feel really sad when you still love someone.

Once you consider there isn't one person, but 80ish possibilities it kind of broadens your future scope ;)
It's perfectly possible to love someone, but accept you're not with them. It's painful to come to that understanding with yourself, but a lot of people have to do it.
Have faith that the next person who comes along will be bloody brilliant in a different way.

Overmydeadbody Mon 24-Aug-09 19:25:51

The prospect of finding one of 80 in a world of billions is rather disheartening actually.

Easier to find a needle in a haystack.

hatesponge Mon 24-Aug-09 19:38:14

I believe I have already met the one. I have had enough experience of men and life to know for sure he is the one. However, it hasnt worked out, and it is quite possible it never will.

I have no intention of being alone for the rest of my life (or until whenever - or if ever- there might be another chance for the one & i). I believe there are others, who aren't the one, that you can be in love with, have a good relationship with, and be happy with. And it's not the fairytake ending, but it's ok, in fact its actually pretty good. Love and happiness have many forms - and those others aren't second best, they're just different.

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