does anyone fancy a chat?

[pebbles0712]

hello im sorry to be a pain - i just need a chat is anyone there?

[FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite]

I'm here for a little while. Are you OK?

[pinkyp]

hi?

[OrangeFish]

I'm here but,have an early start tomorrow. What's up?

[pebbles0712]

im new on here so sorry if i mess up. dh left me and three children in june and is as nasty as ever. had right go at me when he picked up two little ones sat.

[pinkyp]

i take it you didnt split on good terms, i presume there is still alot of anger/bad feelings involved. I hope what he said hasnt got to you too much, sounds like your better off without him if he behaves like that. How are you feeing?

[OrangeFish]

tell me about it... going thru the motions too. Are you ok?

[FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite]

It's horrible, they get so angry at just after a break up. It's hard to know who the children are sometimes.

Is there a gran you can drop the children off to and pick them up from later so you don't have to see him? An access centre?

[pebbles0712]

been married 20 years - he already has had two girlfriend since june- he was a mental abuser and actually still is - i feel so crap.

[FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite]

It will be easier for you to find someone whom you can drop the children off with and pick them up after he's gone so you don't have to see him.

[pinkyp]

I think fluffys idea could be a good one, dropping the kids of at a mutual friends or grandparents so you dont have to see him. Mental abuse can be worse than physical, i've been through similar and its only when you break away from it you realise how much your partner had a hold on you. You'll get through this, do you have people to support you?

[pebbles0712]

yes i do have support thankyou, its just that the youngest one gets hysterical when he comes to get them and doesnt want to go - shes 9 and he goes mad and says i should force her to go with him even in that state?

[FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite]

Poor thing. Is there a reason why she doesn't want to go?

[OrangeFish]

Well, if she gets that upset, perhaps I would be looking into why she gets that upset and whether it is really good for her to spend that time with her father. It is not as if you were talking of a 3 years old very attached to his mother, she is old enough to have good reasons for her upset, to express them and ultimately to have a choice?

[pebbles0712]

he had started on them , and is very abrupt and has no time for her emotions- i get horrid text messages followed by apologises the next day - i am ready to scream!

[pebbles0712]

yes orange fish - you just put into words what i was concerned about. thankyou for saying she should have the choice i thoght it was just me

[pinkyp]

if she doesnt want to go then maybe stand up to him. Forcing her will just make her dread seeing him even more and resent you. I'm not sure what the law is regarding custordy and things like that, but if she doesnt want to see her dad and she doesnt have to does she? As for the nasty texts, save them (if you feel you might need them for evidence) and dont reply..i would say change your number but obviously you can't really do that incase he needs to contact you regarding the children.

[FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite]

Do you mean he's been shouting at her?

I think that as he's not long gone and things are this bad that a contact centre is your best option. He won't like it but it will be supervised so he won't be able to do this. You can stop contact if it's distressing for your children, he may take you to court or get really arsey though so it's a really tough place for you to be in. You do need some professional advice with this if you choose this though.
Barnardo's and action for children run child contact centres if I remember correctly, have a look through your phone book and give your local centre a call.

[pebbles0712]

thankyou so much - its so good to know that others see it how i do - i am quick to think its just me and that im wrong, feelin bit better now - thankyou so much

[pebbles0712]

yes he gets very snappy and says horrid things that put her under pressure. if he decides she cant have sauce with chips then she cant - just because he decided.

[FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite]

He sounds like an arse. You do what's best for your children. It's a long journey though.

Come back tomorrow, people are always around if you need a virtual hug.

[pinkyp]

i'm glad you talked, i hate the way your ex has made you feel its your fault, quite clearly its not.

[FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite]

He sounds incredibly controlling. You should be so proud you've got this far.

I do have to go to bed, I'm sorry. Keep posting though, I'll be back tomorrow.

[pebbles0712]

night guys thankyou.