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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Anyone ever had sex with dh, when nothing felt right and left you feeling like crap

26 replies

thesockmonsterofdoom · 21/08/2009 13:21

and I really shouldn't be posting this on t'interweb.
Is it just me, happens every now and then, then it takes ages till things feel right again. I am left feeling so sad today but I made the mistake of telling dh this was why, which was just cruel and now ~I feel like a bitch.

OP posts:

Report

themoon66 · 21/08/2009 13:41

How do you mean 'nothing felt right'... are you talking mentally or physically?

Malificence · 21/08/2009 13:42

Only once, fairly recently - I fancied being dominated, nothing nasty but basically he pinned me down ( at my insistence) and I couldn't move and started to panic, he wouldn't kiss me and I couldn't touch him and when I told him he was hurting me he didn't stop ( he probably thought it was part of the game), I didn't really enjoy it and I've never told him because he would feel awful about it - he's never done it again though. I love rough sex, having my hair pulled, being bitten and spanked etc. but I really DON'T like being restrained so it's a good job I wasn't tied up as I think I would have freaked out. I only felt crap because it was my own fault, I liked the fantasy of it much more than the reality.

Apparently, ( according to experts) there is a rule for sex - out of every 10 sessions, 2 will be mind blowing, 6 will be nice and 2 will make you wonder why you bothered.

If the sex was doing nothing for you why didn't you speak up? If I'm not getting anywhere in one position I will suggest a change, like if I've had enough on top ( I can usually orgasm like that but sometimes it just isn't happening) I will tell hubby to turn me over and do me from behind or I'll put my legs on his shoulders etc.

Do you feel bad because you think he wasn't noticing the fact that you weren't enjoying it or for some other reason?

doggiesayswoof · 21/08/2009 13:44

Yeah I have
It's usually tiredness or stress (mine, his, or both)

It's hard - dh will ask what's wrong afterwards and I don't want to hold things back from him but OTOH as you say I don't want to say something that might not make him feel great

I don't know what the answer is

Is it normally good for you both?

doggiesayswoof · 21/08/2009 13:45

malificence you need a 'safe' word

Overmydeadbody · 21/08/2009 13:46

What do you mean by "when nothing feels right"?

Do you mean the sex didn't feel right or the whole relationship doesn't feel right?

thesockmonsterofdoom · 21/08/2009 13:47

It was more mentally than physically, his beard was anno9ying me and he wasn't kissing me right really stupid things. I wish I hadn't told him though. I was just getting irratated.
It is my own fault I sent hima text telling him to wake me up when he got in from a concert he went to, he did and I was knackered, since sending the text I had a really crap day with the kids and then worked a 5 hour shift.

OP posts:

Overmydeadbody · 21/08/2009 13:47

Yeah Mali, you need a 'safe' word.

Overmydeadbody · 21/08/2009 13:49

sockmonster sounds like you just weren't turned on.

Don;t dwell on it, and maybe don't mention it to him next time, telling him won;t make things better (unless it's tips to get you more turned on next time)

thesockmonsterofdoom · 21/08/2009 13:49

It was tiredness I think, and sex is normally fantastic, and we have hjad a few problems relationshipwise lately but seem to be back on track and I am worried that having said somethikgn will have set us back again.

OP posts:

Overmydeadbody · 21/08/2009 13:50

Just apologise for having said anything and explain that you where just tired and not blaming him.

thesockmonsterofdoom · 21/08/2009 13:50

Oh and the fact that he got straight up and went downstairs to mnake a sandwich left me feeling like a hooker or something.

OP posts:

dittany · 21/08/2009 13:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

doggiesayswoof · 21/08/2009 13:51

sockmonster I think I get where you are coming from

We have days where we both feel like it, hours and hours of being in the mood when I'm at work and he's with DC

Then by the time we actually have half an hour to ourselves the mood's gone and we'e knackered

but you have this simmering frustration so you do it anyway (and after all you both said you would)

Then it's rubbish and unsatisfying and you end up all discombobulated

doggiesayswoof · 21/08/2009 13:54

I sometimes have a tendency to overanalyse this sort of thing when other stuff hasn't been so great. I wouldn't overthink it, honestly.

Do what OMDB says and tell him you were just tired and it's not him.

dittany · 21/08/2009 14:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thesockmonsterofdoom · 21/08/2009 14:10

he did explain that he hadn't eaten all afternoon and had been at a concert, but why wake me up first, why n ot have his sandwich and then wake me up.

OP posts:

ChasingSquirrels · 21/08/2009 14:11

yes, occasionally.
I think the frequency of feeling like that is the key point - if it is only occasionally then let it go. If it is, or becomes, more frequent then it is an issue.

doggiesayswoof · 21/08/2009 14:12

Well I guess you were first on his list of priorities...

Getting up and going downstairs is really crap, I would hate that and I would prob say so.

thesockmonsterofdoom · 21/08/2009 14:14

like a to do list
go to work
buy nappies
go to concert
shag wife
make sandwich.

OP posts:

doggiesayswoof · 21/08/2009 14:15

Yes romantic isn't it?

ChasingSquirrels · 21/08/2009 14:17

the sandwich thing - he wanted you, you have texted and made clear that you wanted him (although that changed he wasn't to know). YOU were his first priority. THEN he was hungry. I don't see the problem with the sandwich.

dittany · 21/08/2009 14:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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OrmIrian · 21/08/2009 14:24

Yes I have. At times I have felt it so irritating I have actually felt like screaming at him. But not often.

Malificence · 21/08/2009 14:33

Ah, I understand now, you'd asked him to wake you for sex (earlier in the day) and then you didn't feel like it, tbh you should have said sorry but I'm knackered , I'll see how I feel in the morning.
The sandwich thing doesn't mean anything, it was just another annoyance.

I would apologise to him, it was of your own making after all - he must be feeling quite confused.
From now on make sure you only have sex when you actually want it, if you want to enjoy it anyway. A man won't explode because you've promised him sex then you change your mind.

AnyFucker · 21/08/2009 16:31

I am loving malificence's rather detailed input

Yes, OP, sometimes this happens to me. Stuff that feels great on one day, feels mega-irritating on another, for example. With me, I am very led by my menstrual cycle. Mid cycle' I am "hot" and up for anything, any time. Beginning and end of it, I would rather scoop my own eyes out with a shitty stick.

You are human, don't worry about it.

Flip

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