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Come and tell me about growing up with a younger brother, whether your experience or that of your dcs

(71 Posts)
Pinkjenny Fri 21-Aug-09 09:06:14

I have deliberately not put this in AIBU, mainly because IABU, but I am pg with dc2, which we found out yesterday is a ds. I already have a dd, aged 2.3yo.

I am ashamed to admit that I am a bit disappointed that it is a boy. I am an only child, and would have loved a sister, and I really wanted dd to have a sister. I have this ridiculous ideal of her growing up with her sibling, playing together and sharing a childhood and still being close as adults, and I never imagined her doing all that with a brother. I would stress that my only child status alllows me this ignorance.

Dd was very insistent that she was getting a baby sister, and I feel in some way I have let her down, like I've bought the wrong Christmas present or something.

Does anyone have any experiences that might make me feel better about it? Or perhaps offer a slap in the chops and tell me to get a life?

ZZZenAgain Fri 21-Aug-09 09:10:42

It's OK to feel disappointed. People may tell you otherwise, but you cannot help your feelings, can you?

I have a younger brother. I got on great with my elder sister but never liked having my brother around. To this day I don't really gel with him tbh.

No one can predict how your dc will get along. I have seen brothers who are quite protective of their sister and v.v. Dh has an elder sister and they are very close. she is quite a bit older than him.

Don't worry too much, I am sure it can work out fine. You get on well with dh , don't you? And he was a little boy once after all.

Pinkjenny Fri 21-Aug-09 09:11:38

<not quite what I wanted to hear>

ZZZenAgain Fri 21-Aug-09 09:14:26

oh I'm sorry, didn't want to get you down. I was visiting a friend just yesterday who has 5 boys (!) and one little girl and they are all lovely and somehow it works very well. Dd is an only dc and she loves going there.

EyeballsintheSky Fri 21-Aug-09 09:15:57

I have a brother, 3 years younger and although we squabbled a bit as kids (what siblings don't!) we have always got on really well and are very close (there are only the two of us). He lives 5 minutes away from me and we go on holiday with them all the time, Sunday lunches and outings. Am about to meet my SIL for an outing today.

We were both very protective of each other growing up; I am told I used to burst into tears whenever he got told off blush. He has just lent me his car for an unspecified period. There is no greater sibling love than that

ZZZenAgain Fri 21-Aug-09 09:16:27

does your little girl go to nursery? My dd always played a lot with little boys and she is now nearly 9 and generally plays more with boys (the quieter, gentler, sensitive type) than girls (at least she is not really drawn to the pink princess brigade).

scoutandjem Fri 21-Aug-09 09:17:54

I have a younger brother who I adore. He has 3 beautiful DD and I have two DS. We have just spent two weeks together in Spain fab. He is protective and v generous. Bought me a watch and bracelet for a surprise!

When My boyfriend was mean about me when I was fifteen, Bob (my brother), who was 13 threatened to sort him out!

Please be happy that you are having a DS, as I said I have two and they are beyond perfect. Congrats to you smile

rasputin Fri 21-Aug-09 09:18:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissClavel Fri 21-Aug-09 09:18:35

My younger brother is great - he's the one person I would go to for anything. We flat-shared as students and we were so close that people always thought we were twins. He supported me through a lot when we were younger, and he's always been protective of me - no boyfriend was ever good enough, etc.
These days our lives couldn't be more different (he leads a very cool, single urban life, and I, er, don't) but I can send him a one-line email and he will completely get what I mean. I don't have that sort of instinctive closeness with anyone else.
Honestly, it will be great. Apart from anything else, when they reach their teens, his friends will adore your dd from afar (speaking from my experience) which will be a lovely confidence boost for her.

SydneyB Fri 21-Aug-09 09:20:00

I have a younger brother, 18 mths between us, and apart from inevitable squabbles as kids we've always got on really well and were a real team growing up (only two of us) and we're still great friends now. Now have a DD and DS with same gap and really enjoying watching them growing up together. Also think it is possibly less competitive than between sisters?

purpleflower Fri 21-Aug-09 09:21:40

I know you wanted to know about little brothers but I thought I'd give you my experience the other way round. I have got 3 big brothers who I love to bits, there were hard times when I was younger but I think that was more to do with the fact I'm alot younger (5-10 year age gap between me and them) so we had very very different interests.

I did want a sister when I was little but now I've got SILs I'm more than happy with my brothers

I got the best of all worlds, I could steal their shorts and t-shirts etc and they would never take mine and they wouldn't steal my make up grin I could be girly with my friends or mum and then run wild with my brothers. My friends older sisters all seemed a bit bitchy whereas I didn't have that.

I now have 1 of each, DS is 2.10 and DD is 10m and I'm over the moon. I hope they grow up to love each other how I love my brothers.

Good luck

RealityIsDetoxing Fri 21-Aug-09 09:22:03

Message withdrawn

FairyLightsForever Fri 21-Aug-09 09:24:39

My brother is 2yrs younger than me and we got on brilliantly. We did squabble, as Eyeballs says, all siblings squabble, but we played together really well. I have wonderful memories of us spending hours in the garden together. He's visiting this weekend and I'm really looking forward to it smile

treacletart Fri 21-Aug-09 09:26:25

Don't have a sister. But I have an elder and a younger brother. There's less than a year between me and my younger brother, we played together as kids and we did our fair share of bickering but whether we fought more than 2 sisters would I can't say. We became closer as adults I think and particularly since we had kids - he lives out of the country now but we still skype regularly about nonsense. Incidentally he has an elder dd and younger ds - theres 4 years between them and they always seem very close.

treacletart Fri 21-Aug-09 09:26:45

Congratulations by the way!

ByThePowerOfGreyskull Fri 21-Aug-09 09:27:04

I have an older sister and a younger brother, almost equally spaced in age, for my child hood I had a much better relationship with my brother, it was great, now as we are older I don't see much of him but we still love each other. However now we are grown ups I now have a great relationship with my sister.

As reality said, I would have done anything to help him, felt very protective of him.

Danceaway Fri 21-Aug-09 09:27:41

Don't be disappointed - all dcs are individuals and sex is no predictor of how close they'll be. Don't be tempted to generalise, take yours as you find them as they grow. I know sisters who hated each other as kids and still argue as 30 somethings (female rivalry); and brothers and sisters who are v close and enormously protective of one another, poss partly cos of extra dimension being different sexes brings to relationship (eg protector/understanding, to make vast and crass generalisation). Once ds is born you will find you can't imagine it any other way and wouldn't want it to be so. Please don't apologise to DD either - she's got a new playmate on the way and she will adore him.

GreenPeas Fri 21-Aug-09 09:30:17

While I would have loved a sister I have a really great relationship with my younger brother (there's a 2 year gap). As a small child I adored him and was an extremely protective older sister, then there was a lot of squabbling which probably only ended when I went to university smile. But as adults we've only ever got on brilliantly - he lives around the corner and is a fantastic uncle to my two children.

I now have a 3yo DD and 1.5yo DS and I hope they have a similar relationship as me and my brother have had. When I was pregnant DD said she wanted a sister but she was besotted with her little brother from very early on. Rasputin is right - kids change their minds extremely quickly and are rarely disappointed for long, particularly at such a young age!

Good luck with everything!

essenceofSES Fri 21-Aug-09 09:30:40

I have a brother 6 yrs younger than me. We have always got on really well. I looked out for him a lot when we were younger and would often voluntarily take the blame for some stuff so he didn't get in trouble. (How stupid was I??!!)

Ultimately it won't matter whether your DD has a brother or sister. She will have a sibling who will be his own unique person. Despite the usual childhood squabbles, I'm sure they will grow up loving eachother and looking out for eachother.

DontCallMeBaby Fri 21-Aug-09 09:34:48

I have a brother four years younger than me. We weren't exactly huge playmates as children, but I can't imagine that would have been any different with a sister - four years is quite a big gap when you're, say, 6 and 2. We got on pretty well a lot of the time, though I tended to do a bit of a quasi-parental thing with him, whether it was being protective or telling him off.

I remember as a teenager saying he was the person I loved most in the whole world, because when I wasn't getting on with my parents, I'd split up with my boyfriend and fallen out with my friends, my brother was still there.

<<sniff>> I think I need to call him.

LadyPinkofPinkerton Fri 21-Aug-09 09:34:48

My younger DB and I fought a bit as kids, but not as much as my same sex sibling friends. Once we reached teenage years we were very close and still are now we are in our 30's. We would do anything for each other.

I only hope my boys end up as close.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Fri 21-Aug-09 09:43:50

I have 3 younger brothers and love them all. I played with J (2.9 years younger) until I was a teenager and now we live near each other and see each other about twice a week. He is my DH's best mate. He helps me out and I him. W and M are 8 and 10 years younger and I used to enjoy looking after them and doing stuff with them, I would take them out and organise parties for them and I just loved them. They are now 19 and 21 and we get on great.

YAB a bit silly to feel like you let DD down but YANBU to have wanted a girl - I did, I would have felt disappointed if I had found out he was a boy before, but once he was here that totally went away.

Pinkjenny Fri 21-Aug-09 09:44:41

These are making me cry now! Thank you so, so, so much, you have all made me feel wonderful about our new arrival.

Keep em coming. smile

doggiesayswoof Fri 21-Aug-09 09:45:03

Pinkjenny, come back and read all these lovely positive posts!

I have DD who is 5 and DS who's 15mo. They adore each other. They now sleep in the same room and I was a bit worried how that would go down. In fact they are both delighted with the new set-up. DS wakes up every morning laughing and shouting out to DD from his cot.

They do bicker and lash out at each other - they both seem to have a short fuse so that will be interesting as they get older. But they are so close and DD is v protective of him. He's recently started walking and to see them walking along holding hands is so sweet.

Rasputin's right - gender is irrelevant.

doggiesayswoof Fri 21-Aug-09 09:46:12

ooh sorry x-posts!

I also wanted another dd and was initially a bit disappointed. DD wanted a baby sister too and we worked hard from day 1 to persuade her how fun little boys are. She now agrees wink

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