Well, my marriage fell apart after he came to the conclusion that he never wanted children. It wasn't something we really thought about getting married in our early 20s. It was painful, but we mutually decided to end things amicably after 9 years together and 7 years of marriage.
with exp (dd's father) i was only with him for the sake of dd, i didnt love him, but then realised i was only 18 at the time and to spend the rest of my life with him would just make me even more depressed than i already was, especially after he invaded my privacy and although never hit me, he did raise his hand to me which was the final straw for me really. broke up with xdp beginning of the year because of his controlling behaviour and his attitude towards me.
When it finally hit me after 3 or 4 years of living together and not speaking, of occassional violent outbursts, of being manipulated financially that I was teaching my children that this was what marriage was like. I beleive that children learn by example
I was teaching my daughter that if a man is violent you stay with him.
I was teaching my sons that violence in a marriage is acceptable.
I was teaching all three of them that inside a marriage there is no need for communication, affection, friendship, hugs, kisses or mutual support.
I would hate to them to perpetuate what they had learned as children in their own relationships as adults.
They now see me in a very happy settled relationship and despite all the crap that I went thru with him, I realy wish that they could see their dad in the same.
When I couldn't take any more of pretending everything was ok. I decided that I couldn't let my daughter grow up in an environment where her parents argued constantly.
6 years on, my daughter (9) says she is much happier knowing that her mum isn't shouting at me all the time.
Well I haven't read all the way through the thread but Rickman post similar to me but additionally "I thought too much" and he didn't want to spend any time with me and shouted at us all and I ended up being nasty to the children in preparation for him coming home hoping that they wouldn't upset him (unpredicatable) and scared of the key in the lock because I didn't know what mood he would be in.
Just the horrible shouting and "right I'm off out then" basically and the thought that I would have to stay for ever
xh was very posessive and insecure. he tried to be controlling and I was lying to him about the person I was because I was scared of his temper and arguing with him. we were destroying each other and I spent too much of my life not doing what I wanted to do. He never gave me any support, when my father got cancer supporting xh and dealing with my own crisis with no support from xh was too much. He was inconsiderate, never helped with anything at home, never did anything he didn't want to do. the relationship just made me tired.
Now I have a fantastic dh and we have a beautiful child. I can be the person I am and don't have to hide anything about myself ! I am VERY HAPPY!!!!!
I still love xh and think about him quite often, but I have no doubts and regrets about leaving.
Alls fine for now, again, ours has been more a rumbling along/fight/rumbling along/fight and I had got to the point where I was totally and utterly fed up with it and dp must have sensed it as he miraculasly changed character and was being all nice and mucking in with the housework etc...so when the other night he said something really small, but really insulting I flipped and went apeshit and wondered whether he would call it a day.
Nothing Major, just lots of small bumps. Made my moan seem insignificant but thats why I asked, to get some perspective. Ta x