So, I've had DD - the baby that wasn't wanted by dp. The baby that, amongst other things (him being amidst a 2 year protracted and financially awful divorce being one of them) caused us to separate over and over from last Xmas.
Since I've had her we seem - in a pretty unspoken way - to be making a proper go of things and, dare I say it, it seems to be working.
Now, DD is only 4 weeks old so it is early days, but it was pretty okay in the lead up to her birth save for the fact he didn't actually make the birth due to several cock ups along the way and his obsession with his business. Previously we'd be lucky to make 4 days without a relationship breaking row.
Not only have we avoided arguments, things have changed - his attitude, general helpfulness and willingness to listen, to talk and to take on board criticism. I now have a DP who apologises for being distant if he is and who offers an explanation and talks with agreement about solutions to minor relationship hiccups.
I feel us becoming close again but I'm afraid to let that happen so it feels like we are having this weird amicable kind of relationship. I can't ever see us venturing an 'I love you' again whereas before, meaningless 'I love you's were in abundance. Our sex life is near non existent compared to before when it was a major feature. We don't live together and possibly never will as we are on different paths now in that respect and he wouldn't be free to live with me again for a good few years even if we both wanted it.
This feels like such a no man's land I don't know what to make of it. I mean, the signs are good, but what if the future is just this? No intense feelings, no future together living as a whole family, a comparative lack of sex. I don't know if I want to replace a rocky relationship with a friendship and it feels like I may be doing that. Or perhaps this is more normal than the fireworky rubbish relationships I'm used to..? Is that possible with the same man?
I think I am wondering if I am an unfortunate barrier between him and his DD and that he is prepared to have this weird thing with me in order to maintain as much contact as possible with her (not that I'd withhold it). But, we are spending lots of time together with all our children (6 of them between us) and he is being absolutely lovely with mine - very inclusive and speaking very fondly of and to them... We have kisses on texts again and using 'sweetheart' when addressing one another and all that stuff that had gone. We are holidaying together and having lovely weekends away just holding hands and pottering about. That had all gone.
Is freaky.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Any thoughts on that shiteola relationship I was having but has now changed somewhat?
3 replies
hobbgoblin · 20/08/2009 20:30
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.