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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Right, I need some serious advice please...

(3 Posts)
SerendipitousHarlot Thu 20-Aug-09 11:40:52

My sister is married to a dickhead.

I have learned over the years to keep well out of it - after them splitting up and getting back together several times during which time I've been really honest about how I feel about him blush

The situation now is like this - she has had 2 babies in 2 years, and also has a 15 yr old ds from her first marriage. Her husband is a complete plank and gives her no help whatsoever, as well as being emotionally abusive a lot of the time, and as for his temper... well, let's just say he has 'rage' issues hmm although he's never physically hurt either her or the children. That I know of....

The reason that I'm thinking about this particularly today is because my dd is down south this week staying with my mum, and spent the night at my sisters house last night. My sister has 2 poorly babies atm, one has a cold and the other one has hand, foot and mouth sad My sister had a tooth out the other day and has an infection so she feels really poorly as well. Obviously her husband is not helping at all with the children, in the night or anything, even though he has 2 weeks leave hmm

When I phoned my dd last night, I could hear them arguing really loudly in the background... now whilst I'm not one of these that think people should never argue in front of kids, we've all done it on the odd occasion, even though we know we shouldn't... - but it brought me to thinking about the situation.

I'm trying really hard to not judge - god knows I'm not perfect, either as a mother or a wife wink - but I really am starting to think that this is turning into a really unhealthy environment for the little uns sad My 15 yr old nephew helps loads, around the house and with the babies, but at the expense of a social life a lot of the time - it's like my sister sees him as the man of the house rather than her h - and I don't think that's fair either.

What can I do? What should I do?

If I try and talk to her about it, she'll either go nuts with me (because she knows how I feel about her h) or I'll feel really guilty piling more shit onto her already full plate sad

Should I keep out of it, or what?

Gawd, that was long, sorry blush

BitOfFun Thu 20-Aug-09 11:45:25

Not much you can do tbh, especially at a distance. If she can't see for herself, you won't be able to grant her any transformative light on the issue....

You could nag her to join MN though- I bet she'd get some eye-opening replies on here if she posted wink

mamas12 Thu 20-Aug-09 18:58:56

How old is your dd and is she down there to help aswell so to speak, in a nice way I mean.
Could you talk to your ds from her perspective when she gets back.
Also invite your dn up to stay with you to give him a break and maybe your ds will notice that her h is an arse.

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