Long story and I am a blokey who is desparate for some unbiased advice
Background
Been very happy and married for 9 years or so and together for about 12.. infact life could not have been more perfect, we have everything including an amazing 5 year old daughter who just completes the package.
About me
I have been a dedicated, loyal, loving, caring husband and father who has done and given everything to my relationship and family - they mean everything to me - Infact in the last 5 years of my daughters live i have pretty much put all my dreams on hold to support my family so they can want for nothing - I have a very stressful job that pays well and I work from home with some frequent travel - I have been happy and have wanted for nothing more than I have, I never flirt or look at other woman am polite and respectful of our relationship
About my wife
She was a very spoilt child but a funny, witty person with some confidence issues - she is never happy with the way she looks but I have never pressured her into changing, always commented how good she looks, how much I love her and supported her if she tried to lose weight - when I met her she was a sive 14, she got bigger and smaller and I always supported her and accepted her - about a year ago she managed to get to a size 8/10
My daughter
She was a 'pleasant surprise' as my wife was the most anti un child wanting person in the world when I met her.. the pregnacy was scarey and she was a nightmare, swinging between keeping and terminating on a weekly basis - I was terrified but supported her for the whole time - in the last month or so she accepted it and we have the most amazing daughter who we both spend much time an energy on everyday.
Our marriage
As far as I was aware all has been great.. never really argued about much, never had money issues, lived a good life doing pretty much whatever we want to - had the usual issues that other people have but nothing life threatening - we discussed having another child but for every 'I want' there were 100 'hell no' from my wife and I am not really going to push the matter based on her history
What went wrong??
Whilst on a business trip last November my wife had a one night stand with someone she met on facebook from her schooldays - she confessed straight away when I got home and I forgave her as this is so out of character and she said that it was stupid and she did not want to lose me. From that point life turned to hell, she started going out most nights with people from her school days (most were now 30+ drop outs with zero responsibility or commitment) she would spend the rest of the time on ebay and facebook just browsing the net - I became the invisible man and my daughter was almost forgotten by her. If I confronted her she would just say that she looked in the mirror and saw herself as a 17 year old with no one to be tied to. After many discussions I got her to relate which ended up with the couciller recommending she saw someone about depression (her immediate family have a long and current history) she stopped the therapy and refused the councilling, saying she wanted to keep going and hopefully the switch would flick back on. She blames me for not wanting a second child as the catalyst for the problem, I agree that I was never interested due to her history but as stated above she never really made it obvious that she wanted one either, when I say that if she had told me she really wanted one I would have adapted this falls on deaf ears - even now she says it is too late as the age gap is too wide - I feel this is a little unfair altho I have accepted my part in this 'confusion' and misconmmunication
At the moment..
About a month or so ago after many efforts I asked if she woudl like a backrub and her response was to end the marriage... I then tried one more time with no change and then the house valued - this must have pressed a button as she changed and stopped her partying ways and said she would 'try to try' whatever that means. Things improved but there was zero intimacy and virtually zero affection from her side still. I set a deadline of end of August to see some change as I am slowly going crazy, it is like some aliens came down and swapped her last November - my world is crashing down around me and there is nothing I can do - she says I am the perfect husband, friend and father and she does not know why she is how she is..... she is just hoping things will go back to normal but she is not actually being proactive in doing anything to make this happen (just ignore the elephant in the room)
I am going to lose my wife, my love, my daughter and everything I have dedicated and worked for over the last 12 years and I do not really know why or what to do?!?
My choices are at the moment
- stay with it and live a life dedicated to someone who acts like they do not care even tho they say they do
- leave and try my best to support my daughter as she grows up (we are very very close and spend a lot of time together)
I miss her so very much, I miss our affection, passion and intimicy but try tho I may there seems to be nothing I can do to fix things
Is it time to give up??... help??
PS - she is more interested in who gets the cats that actually proactively doing something to fix the situation.. so maybe this really means it is time to throw in the towel