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I feel as though i'm losing the plot with this groundhog day scenario

66 replies

mamakim · 20/08/2009 01:30

Well, where to start.. Been married 4 years, 2dc (2yrs & 3months) first 3 years all as rosey as can be. We're the perfect couple/family ect. Then from the beginning of this year it all changed..

He was promoted, i was pregnant, he's always stressed, always at work etc. We start rowing and when we do it's as though he has completely changed, doesn't care how upset i am, work's too stressful to deal with "this". He leaves me during an arguement for 2 nights (something he'd never do) leaving me sobbing on the doorstep 8 months pregnant. Where he used to tell me he needed and adored me, he suddenly was shouting at me. I felt paranoid, insecure and depressed.

Things like his little love notes, thoughtful valentine's etc all disappear.
Anyway, i suffered antenatal depression and hated this pregnancy, but then my beautiful dd was born. Since then we seem to be perfectly happy all week then have a hysterical weekly meltdown row. I don't get him at all anymore.

For example, the last few;

I ask to borrow his mobile, can't find mine, house phone is flat. He takes it out of his pocket (it is always on his person, on silent) messes with it for a minute then hands it to me. He seems incredibly nervous about me having it. Anyway i make my call and then look at some pics he had taken in hospital of dd.

He's says "i'm going to bed can i have my phone?" i said "i'll bring it up in a min" he says "i want my phone" this decends into a row with me asking him why so twitchy and him saying if you don't give it me now i'm LEAVING you in the morning! eh? that's not normal behaviour in my books.
I then say no i'm not giving it you because that's bizarre, there must be something you don't want me to see! Anyway i look through his blackberry and they're nothing suss. Next morning he's full of apologises. He always is.

A few days later, on a sunday i've had a mega stressful day with regards to dd's breastfeeding, plus i'd been up all night. I'm feeling upset and emotional. We go to bed and i'm expecting a cuddle and some kind words and he lays into me saying i've been snappy all afternoon and he's sick of it, i don't want this anymore! I'm like what?! I'm crying, 2 minutes later he's asleep, i'm up all night with baby. Next morning he texts "i'm so sorry"..

Similar bizarre rows once or twice a week continue until i say i can't carry on like this, i'm stressed enough with 2 very small children to take care of without this insanity. I suggest relationship councelling. He says we don't need it because it's all his fault, he feels jealous and he knows he's acting like a third child when i need support.

He would never have been so hurtful, never said he didn't want to be with me before children, he'd have known i'd have just left him. Now it's as though he thinks she's at home, 2 kids, she's not leaving i can speak to her however i want.

So, tonight, i'm coming up with suggestions to ease some of the problems we're (well i'm - he's barely here) having with ds. He poo poos them all saying they won't work. I (being severely sleep deprived) suggest he came up with some ideas then as it was always me doing it. He says, i'm sick of this, you jumping down my throat, i'm leaving you.

I said fine just do it then, he says "you sort it out (meaning the divorce i assume!), i'll just do my own thing" what?? so he can't even be bothered leaving me?

He then goes on about the previous rows he'd said were his fault and says they were my fault "you should have given me my phone then" etc.

I'm left sat here now wondering what the hell has just gone on?? I'm not going mad am i? this isn't normal behavior? Tomorrow he'll probably be all apologises again but i can't live like this. Anyone know what this is really about?

Thanks for reading if you've got this far.

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glasgowtomelbourne · 20/08/2009 01:41

How old are your children?
Could he be depressed? Father's can suffer from Post Natal Depression.
It sounds as if he doesn't know what he wants anymore. Can anyone look after the children and you two can get some quality time together without having to sort out crying/hungry/tired children?
Go out somewhere to have a good chat, get things out in the open, know where you both stand.