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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

I can 't say this to my mother so can I say it here?

49 replies

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 19/08/2009 21:12

please

OP posts:

Report

dollius · 19/08/2009 21:15

Yes, say it to me.

drlove8 · 19/08/2009 21:15

say whatever you need to baker, ... get it out , then get on with your life.

HolyGuacamole · 19/08/2009 21:15

Go on fabbakergirl, spill.

Weegle · 19/08/2009 21:16

please do - what we're here for!

(ps still meaning to mail you - am going away tomorrow for a while, all chaotic!)

expatinscotland · 19/08/2009 21:16

go for it

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 19/08/2009 21:18

I so do not want it in the daily mail though

OP posts:

dollius · 19/08/2009 21:20

Then mail or CAT me or whoever you feel most comfortable with

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 19/08/2009 21:21

You know what, stuff it. I am fed up of hiding away like I have done something wrong.

Here goes -

OP posts:

BitOfFun · 19/08/2009 21:23

They're doing lunchboxes this week, and won't be mining relationships, apparently.

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 19/08/2009 21:26

What possessed you to get pregnant?

Did you really think my dad would marry you when you had lied and cheated so many times?

Why did you dump me at the social services office and leave?

Why did you kick off when I wet the bed aged 2?

Why did you dress me in clothes that were dirty and didn't fit yet take money for my keep and spend it on fags/men/the pub?

Why did you shower me with gifts but never once hug me?

Why did you have to mess up every foster home I was in that was happy but stay silent at the one where I wa not fed, had shoes that were too small, were hit by the other kids and the mother and abused by the father?

Why did you not believe me when I told you your boyfriend had tried it on with me?

Why did you send threatening letters saying you would kill yourself if I didn't invite you to my wedding?

Why did you ring my MIL and make her tell you I had my baby?

Why have you threatened to get access to my children when you didn't give a shit about your own?

Why did you have me?

OP posts:

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 19/08/2009 21:27

Oops, didn't realise I was so and that doesn't even scratch the surface with what she has done.

OP posts:

LilRedWG · 19/08/2009 21:28

Oh sweetheart. (hugs)

TheCrackFox · 19/08/2009 21:30

Good grief FabBakers, your mum sounds like a prize cow.

Do you really want to maintain contact with her? She sounds like poison.

HolyGuacamole · 19/08/2009 21:30

Your last question is the one you shouldn't be angry about because you are here, have a fab family yourself and have broken the cycle. You should be really proud of yourself.

Very sad post FBG

Weegle · 19/08/2009 21:31

good on you for writing it down - I hope it feels in some way cathartic. Have a very un-MN hug from me

You shouldn't have had to go through even an ounce of that, and I'm sorry that you did. Thank god you're doing right by your children - that's all you can ever do to rectify the wrongs done to you - I have to remind myself that all the time: you can't do anything to change your past but you are doing a wonderful job of ensuring your children never feel one iota of what you have.

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 19/08/2009 21:32

Sorry HG

TCF - I'm not in touch and last saw her in 1993 - ish. My father's mother still spoke to her and I found out 2 weeks before she died she had told my mother I had children. My MIL then told her all about my new baby

OP posts:

dollius · 19/08/2009 21:33

Oh Fabby.

You have every right to feel this anger towards your mother. And it is good to see you expressing it.

She was shit. It had nothing to do with you. It was just about her.

You have done amazingly well just surviving, let alone managing a happy marriage and three gorgeous children.

You are wonderful and she didn't deserve to have you.

AnyFucker · 19/08/2009 21:33

< speechless >

No wonder she is not in your life, FBGIB

Best all round, methinks

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 19/08/2009 21:34

I don't feel I am doing a good job with mine but my DH tells me at least my kids are fed, have shoes that fit and I am here.

OP posts:

JuJusDad · 19/08/2009 21:36

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 19/08/2009 21:36

I just remembered another one -

why did you tell me you booked an abortion to get rid of me?

She said it meant she wanted me as she didn't go along with it but really it was because my dad didn't turn up with the money to get there and pay for it.

OP posts:

LilRedWG · 19/08/2009 21:36

Your DH is right - you are a good mum. It's really hard sometimes, but you love them and that is the really, really important thing.

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dollius · 19/08/2009 21:36

You are doing a good job.
Your children are safe, secure, go to school, are clothed, fed, and KNOW that you love them.
They are not shunted around foster homes at the whim of their mother.
They are not disbelieved when they say something bad has happened.
Their parents are there when they need help with their homework or to talk about something.
Their parents are there when they need a cuddle and some warmth.

You are doing more than a good job, you are doing an amazing one, given that no-one gave you the tools to do all this.

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 19/08/2009 21:37

I feel really and attention seeking to post this but my God I can't tell you how good it feels to get it out.

Thank you so much.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 19/08/2009 21:38

anybody who questions if they are doing a good job with their kids, probably is, IYSWIM

I try to be a "good-enough" mum

your own mother was not, but it sounds like you are to me, against the odds in fact

be proud of that

Flip

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