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New Man with ED - should I pursue this relationship?

(9 Posts)
Ella66 Wed 19-Aug-09 00:11:05

I'm a divorced mum recently on the dating scene - I've met a really nice man but it transpires he has problems achieving erections.

Now, strangely it doesn't really worry me, I'm not sure I ever really enjoyed intercourse.

My question is - should it worry me and can a relationship succeed without intercourse? (any underlying health issues aside)

Papillon Wed 19-Aug-09 00:22:20

Companionship does not need to mean having sex, intimacy can be all sorts of things.

If that is his major 'baggage' and you can talk about it freely then it does not need to be a huge issue.

keeplaughing Wed 19-Aug-09 00:29:25

does it worry you?

hobbgoblin Wed 19-Aug-09 00:48:08

I don't know...do you think that your own feelings re. sex may change with the 'right' man? What would you do then?

I'm assuming the man you are divorced from didn't inspire you sexually, perhaps because you were emotionally disconnected? If new man were a long term thing and you both felt a strong emotional connection then you may feel a lack of sex life was a problem.

I personally could not have a relationship in the usual sense of a male female bond without sex. There again, the sex element has been largely responsible for the doomed nature of my relationships so who am I to say..?!

SolidGoldBrass Wed 19-Aug-09 09:06:41

It depends on how both of you feel about it. WHen you say you don't like intercourse do you like sex? Ie all the other fun things such as oral and manual and using toys? How does he feel about his wilting willy (presumably he's relatively comfortable with the issue to be discussing it with you early in the relatinship; some men won't admit it and behave horribly, so his openness is a good start).
If it's a matter of both of you having fairly low libidos, then you can also have a good relationship with infrequent sex, it;s not how high/low your libido is that causes problems in a relationship, it;s how big the difference is between the partner's libidos.

Malificence Wed 19-Aug-09 09:57:43

"Intercourse" is only one of the many aspects of sex - would you be happy with no sexual pleasure in your life at all from this partner?
I take it he has health problems that affect his erections, does that mean he isn't interested in sex? I doubt it tbh.
A man can still have an orgasm and even ejaculate without an erection - by introducing a flaccid penis into a willing vagina, a little effort from the female partner can be stimulating enough for orgasm.

You can still have a decent sex life without actual penetration - many couple have to come to terms with a changing sex life due to ill health, surely you want some kind of sex with this man?

2rebecca Wed 19-Aug-09 12:45:54

He could go to see his GP and get a private script for viagra or cialis.

Ella66 Wed 19-Aug-09 23:41:13

Thanks very much for your response everyone. I've certainly been given some food for thought and I appreciate the openess with regards the nature of the question!

I guess my initial approach was about what is "normal" in a relationship and probably more so what is socially acceptable. (!)

I do enjoy sex as far as the intimacy aspect goes and I am a very tactile person, I guess it's about conveying the fact that hard penetration is not so much of an issue for me... but from his perspective it might be and I don't quite know how to get this across without the risk of playing it down or offending him.

Thanks again for taking the time to share your thoughts.

OrangeFish Wed 19-Aug-09 23:56:49

If "from his perspective it might be and I don't quite know how to get this across without the risk of playing it down or offending him." that is the case... run for the mountains, there is nothing more frustrating than trying to convince an insecure man that you actually like him the way he is.

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