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Help & Opinions please

(10 Posts)
imfindingme Tue 18-Aug-09 00:56:15

Message withdrawn

imfindingme Tue 18-Aug-09 01:33:11

Realised I have missed a massive part here and makes this look as though it is all his fault!!

For the last 7 (?) years I have been drinking - too much to be able to drive the kkids to hospital if they needed it but not falling everywhere (like my mother was) the main part of this was probably because I was lonely - he would work nights, I worked days - he sought other women, I sought wine!! Or that sort of thing!!

All I know is that I cannot cope with this anymore and would just like others opinions/thoughts before I react

OldLadyKnowsNothing Tue 18-Aug-09 02:04:36

Oh, my dear, you need to get rid of that man! What does he do to make you feel good about yourself?

greeneyedg1rl Tue 18-Aug-09 08:00:52

my opinion would be that it's fairly obvious that neither of you is very happy and that something should be done about it. My personal reaction would be (and was) to leave and get myself back. My exp didn't have affairs, but we were very bad for each other in other ways.

You might want to try something different if you want the relationship to work? What do you want for you ? Do you want to keep it together with him? are you scared of making a move because you are so used to the way that things are that the alternative feels overwhelming?

As an aside, something that I can never get my head around - if anyone's partner is having affairs, why on Earth would you stay in the marriage/relationship that you are cheating on? A friend of mine repeatedly cheated on his wife, including when she was pg, until eventually she threw him out. He also has had faithfulness issues with every other woman he has been with since.

imfindingme Tue 18-Aug-09 21:35:38

Thanks for your replies.
I think that it is a case of being a bit scared of change - is it better being on my own with the kids and perhaps being lonely or being with him and being lonely???

Greeneyed - I know what you're saying about not understanding but from my point of view I was simply trying to forget about me and do what I thought was best for the kids.

TracyK Tue 18-Aug-09 21:38:34

What ages are your kids? Will they be affected by the split? Will you still be drinking too much and have sole custody of them???

imfindingme Tue 18-Aug-09 21:44:50

The kids are now 13 & 15
I do only tend to drink from 8/9pm but I think the main reason is how to get through evenings with him here (he no longer works nights) and that I will go straight to sleep when I go to bed so I don't get any "hassle" - so the answer is no - I don't think I will be drinking too much at all then

TracyK Tue 18-Aug-09 22:03:11

I think you have to sit down and work out what a split will mean in the practical sense for you and the kids.
I guess you can't make him leave the marital home - you would have to move out - could you?? Then start divorce proceedings and force him to buy you out or sell and buy 2 different houses.
Could you insist on him moving out and if he doesn't then insist on seperate bedrooms - then you wouldn't have to drink?

Louby3000 Tue 18-Aug-09 22:10:47

Get your finanaces in order, Go to CAB, work out your rights, make copies of all importnat paperwork- mortgage agreement, insurance docs etc etc. Open new bank account. Find alt accomodation for you and kids if needs be. Get ALL the practical stuff sorted.
Then tell him you want a divorce.

blinks Tue 18-Aug-09 22:38:40

he's hoping you'll just give in and keep being his mummy.

your answer isn't at the bottle of a bottle though.

you're shooting yourself in the foot, love.

get some proper legal advice and you'll feel more confident about what steps you need to take.

you need to take control of your life back.

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