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How do you know when a man's interested?

(24 Posts)
aRLcat Tue 18-Aug-09 00:41:57

No, really. I have either a low self esteem or terminal naivety when it comes to being 'come on' to.

Only the very most persistant blokes get through to me, which is a pain as I then tend to end up with men who are a touch more arrogant than your average demi god!

More (potentially) pleasant blokes don't tend to grab my attention because I often mistake for apathy or indifference their gently and softly approach.

So, I know I could be a touch braver and make the first move occasionally but failing and aiding that, what do I need to look out for?

What hints, queries or behaviour should I be aware of in men who are interested but not quite brave enough to come straight out with it or show it.....or arrogant enough to harrass me senseless? grin

BitOfFun Tue 18-Aug-09 01:24:42

Try this

aRLcat Tue 18-Aug-09 01:46:10

Could be interesting but my problem is always assuming that they aren't anyway grin

BitOfFun Tue 18-Aug-09 01:56:57

Oh, I realise, but it's got some great tips though! The movie isn't exactly a cribsheet, but a great watch all the same smile

OldLadyKnowsNothing Tue 18-Aug-09 02:01:20

OK, so a bloke "comes on" to you, and you ignore it because you don't believe he meant it? Or what?

S1ur Tue 18-Aug-09 02:01:59

tis all in zee eyes ma cheri´

S1ur Tue 18-Aug-09 02:03:14

soz meant that I think that tbh honest if he is 'into you' then a bit of eye contact goes a long way wink

aRLcat Tue 18-Aug-09 02:09:37

Bof, thank you, I shall invest smile

Oldlady, a touch more complex in that I do not realise I am receiving a 'come on' unless performed absolutely blatantly, even at times repetitively.

Slur, is blushing a likely giveaway?

S1ur Tue 18-Aug-09 02:15:46

are you

a) flashing your norks?
b) waggling your tongue and nudging your mate?
c) casually looking and giving him the eye?

if c. then blushing is prob a good sign and one should grin and go have a drink. If a or b then p'raps work on subtly wink

aRLcat Tue 18-Aug-09 02:22:56


a) no, just bought a post childbearing pair and they aren't yet fit for visual consumption!

b) again, no (but laughing at the thought)

c) not even, merely exchanging pleasantaries. Ooooooh! shock ...but he's an adonis and humorous and intelligent, couldn't possibly be true smile

OldLadyKnowsNothing Tue 18-Aug-09 16:23:11

Are you blushing or is he? Because if he is, he fancies you.

Greensleeves Tue 18-Aug-09 16:25:31

his dick swells up?

abouteve Tue 18-Aug-09 16:28:40

Let me think, oh yes I remember this grin. If he's interested he will ask you out or something similar.

aRLcat Tue 18-Aug-09 18:11:52

Oldlady, was referring to him but yes, me too blush

So, if someone always responds to communication but never or rarely makes first move (txt/call/email, etc)... what's that about?

abouteve Tue 18-Aug-09 18:33:14

Try not initiating contact, if this is practical, then see if he does. Then you will have your answer.

aRLcat Tue 18-Aug-09 19:03:14

Of course, seems so obvious when put that way grin

abouteve Tue 18-Aug-09 19:25:11

grin I should be the last person giving advice about men and their behaviour. I given up.

SolidGoldBrass Tue 18-Aug-09 19:33:31

Try asking him out. Not for anything too elaborate like a candlelit dinner, but (depending on what the pair of you like) to see a film or a band, or a sporting event or an exhibition or something, with maybe a drink before/after. See what he says. If he says he can't because he has another engagement that night (eg sorry but it's my mate's birthday/I have to work late) leave it a week then ask him again. If he can't make it this time, then leave it up to him. If he doesn't suggest another thing to do or another date to do the particular thing on, then he is Not That Into You. Doesn;t make him a bad man or anything, he is just not particularly bothered about dating you, so best avoided if you like him quite a lot as it will drive you nuts trying to get more out of him than he wants to give.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Tue 18-Aug-09 19:57:19

Yeah, wot SGB said, as usual. grin

Just remember that he's human too, and maybe nervous or shy of initiating contact. He may have heard "no" a lot in the past and it's not easy to keep trying. Even for a man.

aRLcat Tue 18-Aug-09 20:06:10

blush Eve, I have since recalled a number of occasions when he's initiated contact! I'm just so aware of potentially bugging someone who's JNTIM that the occasions when I have initiated contact were shouting loudest in my memory!

SGB, I've done it! Which is an absolute first for me smile I can cope if he's JNTIM, I'm quite happy single and friendships are just as valuable to me at the moment but I'm getting a little impatient with wondering what is going on and frustrated with my inability to gauge it!

dollyparting Tue 18-Aug-09 20:33:17

In my younger days I used to be an expert on flirting - I could tell with one glance whether he was interested, and I could return "the look" as well.

However I have been with dp for many, many years. We got together after a drunken party, and somehow we just stayed together.

Recently we were talking about how we met, whether we fancied each other before etc. and he said that he'd been coming on to me for about 6 months before we got together. He is chronically shy, so I excuse myself for not reading his oh-so-subtle signals. But it also meant that when I did ask him back to my palace (along with 20 others) he thought I was responding to his (almost invisible) come on, and therefore kissed me.

Thank goodness he did smile

dollyparting Tue 18-Aug-09 20:34:36

oops - I asked him back to my place it wasn't a palace blush

ABetaDad Tue 18-Aug-09 20:56:02

aRLcat - if he is making contact noticeably more frequently than any of the other men you know then he is definitley interested. Just reciprocate with more frequent contact and a gentle invite to something like a party so its not like 'a date'.

dollyparting - yes that happend with me and DW. In the end her mother noticed and had to say "Look there is this man that really fancies you" and she said "Really, who is it?". That was after 9 months of me sending seriously shy 'oh-so subtle' signals and spending virtually every single day with her. hmm

abouteve Tue 18-Aug-09 22:41:38

Well the last couple of replies disprove my theory that men are not backwards in coming forwards.

aRLcat think it's time to invite him somewhere or suggest seeing a film that you know he will like. Good luck.

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