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Did we handle this really badly? And how can I help her now?

(27 Posts)
RealityIsHavingAPartay Mon 17-Aug-09 08:06:04

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piscesmoon Mon 17-Aug-09 08:11:03

I think you did the right thing-you gave her a lovely time. Unfortunately you can't put things right with the mother who seems to be determined to put herself before her DD. I would make sure that her Dad knows and he can arange a treat so that she has a special time with him.

MIAonline Mon 17-Aug-09 08:14:02

I agree with pisces.

You can't in your kindness, account for someone who will use the situation against a young girl. I can't even put in to words what I feel about the 'mother' and probably shouldn't anyway.

Hopefully your uncle can take her mind off it by doing something fun for her.

squeaver Mon 17-Aug-09 08:16:48

Yes agree, suggest to her Dad that she gets an equivalent treat to the one her brother got.

You did a good thing, reality.

What a horrible, horrible situation for both those kids.

RealityIsHavingAPartay Mon 17-Aug-09 08:17:43

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squeaver Mon 17-Aug-09 08:25:12

Oh I see. Yes, see if she wants to come to you. Bet she does.

piscesmoon Mon 17-Aug-09 08:28:16

I think you should let her come to you. If the mother freaks out just shrug it off and say that there was no choice as father was working.

RealityIsHavingAPartay Mon 17-Aug-09 08:35:45

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piscesmoon Mon 17-Aug-09 09:23:18

Unfortunately you can never put things right with her mother -I think that all you can do is make sure that she feels loved with you and that you care.

RealityIsHavingAPartay Mon 17-Aug-09 09:35:23

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HolyGuacamole Mon 17-Aug-09 09:53:38

What a shame, poor girl sad I think if you can take time with this girl and make her feel wanted, that is as much as you can do and she will remember this when she is older, she will probably look to you for advice and help.

The parents sound like arseholes, the mother has no idea of how she is affecting this little girl. Keep on doing what you are doing Reality, this girl needs someone in her life to look up to smile

Metella Mon 17-Aug-09 09:59:17

Thank goodness this child has you, Reality. Poor thing - it is far better for her to spend time with you rather than being influenced by her "mother" and siblings and their "lifestyle".

RealityIsHavingAPartay Mon 17-Aug-09 10:05:13

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squeaver Mon 17-Aug-09 10:05:27

yes very lucky to have you Reality.

RealityIsHavingAPartay Mon 17-Aug-09 10:11:47

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Grandhighpoohba Mon 17-Aug-09 10:15:43

Studies show that the children who survive these kinds of childhoods well are the ones who have a stable loving relationship with at least one adult, doesn't matter who the adult is.

So you are doing exactly the right thing for this girl. Show her that she is loved and there is someone who will put her first, no matter what. Its a shame that at her age, she is aware of how badly behaved adults can be, but you are showing her that it doesn't need to be that way.

So yes, offer her the chance to come to yours, and see if she wants to do something nice. I'm so glad for her that she has such a nice cousin!
[desperatelyhopesthatdidn'tsoundpatronising emoticon]

mumonthenet Mon 17-Aug-09 10:22:15

oh reality such a sad story.

You are doing a fab job, the love and security you are showing her now will last her whole life.

poor girl, her mum sounds horrible
your doing the right thing, keep at it.

Servalan Mon 17-Aug-09 10:34:38

It doesn't sound like you've done the wrong thing at all. It sounds like you are being very thoughtful and sensitive about this. Feel for your cousin, but glad she has someone doing the right thing by her.

Roomfor2 Mon 17-Aug-09 10:44:08

Hope everything is working out - my first thought was definitely for you to offer her to come to yours for the weekend if that will make her feel better.

The poor little thing - I too would want to scoop her up and take her in to save her from this horrible situation.

Sounds like you are the best thing in her life so I would try to make it clear (if it is feasible) that she can always turn to you if she needs to. That in itself will give her a bit more of the safety and security she needs in her life.

AnyFucker Mon 17-Aug-09 15:32:13

did she turn up reality ?

RealityIsDetoxing Mon 17-Aug-09 16:42:29

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RealityIsDetoxing Mon 17-Aug-09 18:02:06

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Roomfor2 Mon 17-Aug-09 18:11:54

Sounds like the woman has no logic. She sounds like a total self-absorbed drama queen. What a cow.

Don't know what to say apart from it is good that she has you and hopefully she will realise that what her mum is doing is not any reflection on the herself. I feel so sorry for her sad

Are you able to talk to her at all and explain that some mums just aren't cut out for it? Or that some people have emotional problems that make them do and say odd things? Just so she doesn't take it personally. Probably more of a job for a professional councellor, I suppose. Horrible to think of this poor child growing up with such rejection. Oooooh some people make my blood boil!

RealityIsDetoxing Mon 17-Aug-09 19:14:10

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