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Is this as bad as it sounds?

(16 Posts)
lifeisthenameofthegame Sun 16-Aug-09 22:15:27

On the face of it, there is very little to go on, but I dont know if I'm being oversensitive.

Basically when DH and I had sex the other night, after 13 years of being together, he suddenly asked for his nipples to be licked, which is something hes never been bothered about before. This plus the fact he lasted a lot longer than normal

I'm now in a state of paranoia that he has a fancy lady, especially as he currently works away Monday to Friday.

I've nosed his laptops history, and there is not a lot on there to give clues, except for a couple of google searches for various ladies he has worked with and a search for netnanny for some reason. Oh and a couple of porno films (not that Im bothered by those.

I can bluebook his mobile, but he has a work mobile that he uses more and I cant access that at all.

The only thing that really worries me is that last time he worked away there was a dating profile set up in his name, using an email address that he doesnt have, but it was never activated. His excuse for this was that someone in the office he worked must have been playing and set it up. As it was never activated, I had little choice but to believe him.

He denies everything.

So overactive imagination or is there potentially more to this?

princessmel Sun 16-Aug-09 22:17:08

What does 'bluebook his mobile' mean?

Dating profile sounds a bit suss.

HolyGuacamole Sun 16-Aug-09 22:17:54


GypsyMoth Sun 16-Aug-09 22:22:00

a search for netnanny? maybe he wondered if it had been installed on his comp you perhaps?

lifeisthenameofthegame Sun 16-Aug-09 22:24:44

PM - its how you can get copies of texts if you are on O2

HG - seriously

IDRTDMA - I have no idea, I've not had much access to his laptop before this weekend so not sure when he thought I would have done it

SolidGoldBrass Sun 16-Aug-09 22:29:51

Asking a longstanding sexual partner for something new is NOT a definite indication of infidelity. It could be that your partner has read something or heard someone else discussing nipple-licking and thought 'hmm, fancy trying that'. Lots of people endure boring sex lives for years because they are scared that their partners will interpret any suggestion of trying something new as 'you filthy beast you learnt this off someone else'.
I think you would need to have a lot more to go on before you start deciding or even suspecting that he is Having An Affair.

lifeisthenameofthegame Sun 16-Aug-09 22:32:14

Thanks SGB. I've seen you offer others sensible advice, so it means a lot for you to say that

HolyGuacamole Sun 16-Aug-09 22:45:34

Sorry for the hmm OP. I just don't think it sounds like too much of a big deal. Something like that wouldn't make me think my DH was having an affair. Sounds like you don't trust him - checking laptop, mobile etc.

Kally Mon 17-Aug-09 08:31:41

Agree with Solid. And you sound very insecure with all the poking around in his techy things. Have you always done that? Shame you feel like this. Perhaps that issue should be addressed first?
Has he done something in the past that has made you nervous? Seems like a very small reason to be suspicious, unless there have been other things before that you seem to feel the need to poke about like that. (or perhaps I am way to laid back?)hmm

mrsboogie Mon 17-Aug-09 19:08:00

The fact that you feel the need to do this says more than the techy stuff. Do your instincts tell you that he is up to something? is he usually available when you try to call him when he is away?

pamelat Mon 17-Aug-09 19:21:44

Whilst I don't think the new request is anything to worry about, maybe something he read/saw on TV etc etc.

However the dating profile thing was odd, did you not ask him about a lot about it? I am not sure I would believe it were for a friend.

I am naturally cynical though so ignore me wink

EightiesChick Mon 17-Aug-09 19:46:23

The nipple thing is nothing to worry about IMO, but the dating profile is. I don't buy this 'a friend did it for a laugh' line for a minute.

One of my friends has just found out that her partner has been cheating on her using a site like this, so that may be behind my cynicism, but in your shoes I would do a bit more sniffing around the tech stuff rather than the new requests in bed. But do not ask him about it again; it won't get you any further.

Malificence Mon 17-Aug-09 20:07:58

MMmm, it's the "lasting a lot longer" bit that rang a bell with me - is he normally a bit trigger happy the 1st time when he's been away all week?
It could be something as simple as he'd masturbated the night before coming home BUT if your suspicious then I would say trust your instincts.
Can you get hold of his work mobile whilst he's in the bath or something, or is he overly protective of it? I'd definitely be looking for text content as names can be faked to look male when they're female etc.
The nipple thing could be an indication or it could be harmless, something he'd seen in porn etc.
Did you ask him about it?

FabBakerGirlIsBack Mon 17-Aug-09 20:12:37

blush massively.

The other night Dh and I were having sex and he suddenly kissed me in a completely different way and we have been together for over 13 years. I was really surprised and asked him about it but it didn't make me feel like he has anything to hide.

NotPlayingAnyMore Mon 17-Aug-09 20:34:40

"a couple of google searches for various ladies he has worked with" - any searches for men he's worked with as well or not?

nkf Mon 17-Aug-09 20:37:13

Dating profile is a total red flag. This old one about mates setting him up. Yeah right.

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