Mother In law from hell

[tomwill]

Does anyone else have mil that is moody and spitful. holidayed with in laws at their house in Spain last Easter and only lasted one day. Kids played up and they blamed me for bad behaviour. Big family row, lots of tears. Booked to go back in a week and dreading it. Mostly they think I'm not educated enough, thin enough, pretty enough etc etc. MIL sort of apologised but just can't let my fear of another episode go. Any advise?

[rubyslippers]

don;t go on holiday with them

what does your DH say about it?

[AitchTwoOh]

you poor thing. why on earth have you been roped into going on hols with them again?

[tomwill]

I have to go or I'll be seen as the baddie. Husband already there with kids - he's tried to assure me won't happen again but it's the little digs, sly looks, moodyness (when H isn't around).

[AitchTwoOh]

well not next year, you don't. you're a family now. if you're going, go with a good attitude. but when she makes her digs, make sure your policy is to repeat them LOUDLY as if you haven't heard them. let's practise. what kind of stuff does the auld bitch say?

[ilovemydogandmrobama]

Are they Spanish?

My dad's side of the family are Spanish and without resorting to cliches, they have disputes grudges going back centuries. Oh, and they are dramatic. Lots of volume, big gestures, and tears. Next day, it's all forgotten and hugs and kisses.

[AitchTwoOh]

lol i was just going to ask if they were forrin.

[tomwill]

An example of behaviour would be; lunch outside, baking hot and me and kids being attacked with wasps. We ask if ok to eat inside cos of wasps but instead she puts a half eaten chicken carcus on the table 'to attract the wasps' away from kids. Just brings more wasps so ask again to go in at which point she'll flip out, snatch plates, cutlery etc and almost throw onto kitchen table. Stomps around muttering in Spanish. I'm sitting there with the kids feeling totally uncomfortable. She'll be snappy and moody for 2 days afterwards. God help me if 6 year old wees the bed (which he seems to do on q there) - she goes balistic. My husband goes for a 'rest' but I find it so stressful. He and I end up arguing as I tend to do much moaning so it ends up he thinks it's my doing.
Cheer me up with your tales of crazy in laws!!!

[AitchTwoOh]

ah, so she's actually nuts. and forrin.

you know this will probably end up in the daily mail, don't you? it's their bread and butter in summer, the crazy dago wop thing.

fuck it. don't ask, tell. 'come on daddy the kids are getting driven mad, let's go inside'. dh stands up, gets moving, she can't say a thing. you and dh got to work on this. you give him the nod and he does what he's told, takes the pressure off you.

[tomwill]

Yes, she's Spanish, husband English but lived in spain years. They're wealthy and spoilt and believe they r better than everyone else. I know what you mean about lots of volume but actually they don't talk about real stuff at all - it's like a melting pot of pent up feelings that no one dare mention.

[tomwill]

laughing out loud AitchTwoOh x

[AitchTwoOh]

right well any digs at all you repeat loudly and slowly like the worst kind of english tourist. promise me.

[tomwill]

Oh, and the HATE it that I don't speak Spanish although they ALL have perfect english.

Will take your advise AitchTwoOh but could possibly bring on WW3!

[Uriel]

Take a couple of Wasp Pots with you to help with the eating outside thing?

[AitchTwoOh]

hopefully it will shame her into stopping.

you should learn a bit of spanish, it's a lovely language. and a doddle.

[tomwill]

The Wasps are just the tip of the iceberg really but I may well pack a couple in case!
Have learnt some Spanish but not enough to join in conversation. Will try to keep kids in order and my head down. Flying out Tuesday....

[ilovemydogandmrobama]

Oh dear.

Look, my dad's side of the family are all Spanish and they are totally barking. Forget it being a holiday. It's a diplomatic mission. Let's first get the cast of characters understood. Mother in Law. She rules. You ask her if she needs help. She will insist that she doesn't, and then will complain that no one helps her, she is all alone in the world, what a burden. She will then repeat to the rest of the family that no one offers to help her and she's a martyr.

Your tactic. You say what a fabulous cook she is, ask her for the recipe, ask her to teach the DCs Spanish, what a fabulous culture, what a fabulous family she has, she must be so proud.

You go to Mass with her. You tell the priest what a fabulous mil she is. You dress the DCs up for Mass. You let her show them off. You promise to come and visit more frequently.

And then you tell your DH that he owes you big time.

[tomwill]

She has absolutely NO shame. And a selective memory.

[tomwill]

ilovemydog...
Top advise - spot on! Have of course tried all of the above apart from Mass but will join her with kids this visit. You're so right about forgetting the holiday - it really is a diplomatic mission {grin}