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getting some "spark" back, how?

(6 Posts)
pamelat Sat 15-Aug-09 20:44:01

DD 18 months.

Been married 25 months (had a couple of days of married life before finding out pregnant)

Been with DH for 9 years in total.

Our spark has gone.

We nag one another. We annoy one another. We compete with one another. We love one another (honestly!!) but we drive each other crazy.

Had long chat last night and we really really want it to work. This "chat" started with me crying and saying how "crap" I felt my life is/was (When really I know it isnt, I just feel hormonal/stressed out)

We just dont want a life of nagging, complaining and resenting - how do you prevent this?

We treat each other as simply the other parent of DD.

We are both very tired. I am very stressed out at the moment. Lost my grandma 2 months ago and am finding I can still cry at any given moment, not sleeping, putting weight on, spotty, hormonal etc etc

DH in a new job, stressed out, busy.

DD is fairly hard work and does not sleep much past 6am .... so how do you keep it alive? I dont just mean sex but the whole relationship/communication etc.

MoominMymbleandMy Sun 16-Aug-09 02:59:59

Ack, it does get better, I promise.

Babies, delightful as they are, are cripplingly hard graft and guaranteed to expose any cracks and weaknesses in a relationship.

When you are exhausted it's hard to have any spark about anything, and very easy to snap and nag.

It sounds like both of you could do with some time to yourselves, a night out, lunch, walk in the park - just a break when you're not on toddler watch.

So if you've got any doting relations or friends I would definitely make use of them. I expect the DD would love someone new to play with/boss for a bit. I often think toddlers must get quite bored with us and our insistence on just doing the washing, the shopping, answering this e-mail, making this telephione call etc and would love to spend a couple of hours with someone who's more fun.

BitOfFun Sun 16-Aug-09 03:26:26

Definitely take some advantage of babysitters! Even if you can't, it would still be good to talk about having a games night- play a quiz board game, or strip poker, or something like this? Just make a bit of an occasion of a night in, rather than watching telly/mumsnetting on the laptop!

sandcastles Sun 16-Aug-09 03:35:36

Get a babysitter & make time to go out, even if it is just a drink, a walk or to the cinema.

Dh & I have been together for 20yrs, so we are trying to keep thing 'alive' too! We find the small things make all the difference, like kisses here & there, touching as we go past each other, stopping to have a quick cuddle, small talk/flirting etc.

Daft texts/notes. I put silly notes in his lunch box!

Sorry for your loss.

pamelat Sun 16-Aug-09 09:43:03

thanks all

We are lucky with having parents who are pretty much on hand to babysit. Our "problem" is that we only use them when its a big group outings, birthdays/weddings etc and we always end up talking to other people and falling to sleep having had a few too many wines and feeling irritable/tired the following day!

We probably do need a night out to ourselves.

Dh was on a stag do last night. He got in early (11pm) but accidently woke DD. She was then up until 3am crying with me alternating between trying to settle her/leave her to cry (not nice). DH was happily snoring away. I eventually got to sleep at 4am, DD woke 630am . not a happy bunny today. DH knows so he has taken DD to park!

sandcastles Sun 16-Aug-09 10:56:11

I am pleased he has taken her to the park to give you a break.

You need to use parents once in a while, for yourselves. You will feel much better after a night out together, alone.

Being with friends is great, but so is reconnecting with your partner.

You need more good times, to be able to brush off the times when you drive each other crazy!

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