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have swine flu, Husband has no sympathy

(15 Posts)
conway Fri 14-Aug-09 10:46:34

Came down with swine flu yesterday. Told my husband when he came home from work. All he said was that I was always ill and he was not taking any time of work to look after the kids. Got very upset which didn't help my illness or my 2 kids who were listening.
Last time I was ill 6 months ago with back problems he was no help Have threatened divorce

ZZZenAgain Fri 14-Aug-09 10:47:31

BREATHE over him when he gets home maybe

How old are your dc?

kittywise Fri 14-Aug-09 10:55:59

Sorry to hear this.

IME men a generally useless when it comes to looking after us when we are poorly.

Years ago when I was in very early pg with dc3 I came down with flu. I struggled on for a week, cooking, cleaning, looking after a 1 and 2 year old. I had a constant temp of 39, the shakes , sweats etc. In the end i just lay down on the sofa and refused to move.
I spent over 2 weeks in bed, got pneumonia as well.

Dp was reasonably unhelpful it was my parents who were drafted in.

The trouble is you know when they get even just a tiny bit ill then the whole world has to stop and mop their browshmm. Just remind him of his behaviour towards you when he next becomes 'ill' and wants round the clock nursing

Hope you feel better soon.

mrsboogie Fri 14-Aug-09 10:57:47

remember this when he gets it and DO NOT lift a finger to help him!

Is there anyone else you could ask to help?

A person with SF would be in no fit state to look after kids - how old are they?

If it gets bad get the kids to ring his work and tell him mummy is collapsed on the floor - that should get the bugger home!!

Ledodgy Fri 14-Aug-09 11:02:27

My dp did this too me last week when I had suspected swine flu. Thankfully mil took the children on Wednesday until Thursday but on Monday and Tuesday I was a mess, I even had to make sure 6 year old dd knew our address and to ring 999 if I collapsed. My youngest is 19months and really I was in no fit state to be responsible for 3 children.

conway Fri 14-Aug-09 11:09:16

My kids are 3 and 8. Luckily my mum and dad has taken the 8 year old and the younger one is at nursery. So feel better now

2rebecca Fri 14-Aug-09 15:11:10

He may not be able to take time off to look after kids. This is a discretionary annual leave issue when you need time off for emergency childminding rather than for your own illness, although many employers are now flexible re this sort of thing. It's often unpaid though. If you have nearby non working parents then he's probably surprised you didn't ask them first. Different if no local relatives.

PuppyMonkey Fri 14-Aug-09 15:22:51

Yes, there may be issues about taking time off work etc Rebecca. But that doesn't mean the dh can't be caring and sympathetic and loving towards his v.poorly wife as his "default" setting. One can discuss all the practical things like childcare after the tea and sympathy. If my DP was so cold and unsympathetic when I told him I had flu, I would be very worried about our relationship.

morethanithot Fri 14-Aug-09 16:01:31

puppymonkey has a very valid point,
i think you need to discuss this when you are better, don't just wait till he is unwell.
why is he saying you are always sick, does he think you feign sickness?
in sickness and in health after all, even if it's chromic long term sickness.
what about the example to your children looking on while mummy and daddy argue about care in sickness?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Fri 14-Aug-09 16:09:35

He is pretty likely to get it, and my feel more sympathetic then!!

kittywise Fri 14-Aug-09 18:08:39

No he won't because he will get it much much worse, it's always the way!

dizietsma Fri 14-Aug-09 19:03:44

It's not OK that men get a free pass to be unhelpful and unsympathetic when the mothers of their children are ill. I think we should stop letting them get away with it.

DON'T do housework. If it bothers you that the house is a mess, hire someone. If he wont/can't take the time off, hire emergency childcare. Sell one of his toys (console or whatever) to pay for the help. He'll care then. He'll also understand that what you do is WORK, worth money. He wouldn't go to work with swine flu and neither should you.

conway Fri 14-Aug-09 19:03:47

Thanks for the message. I think he thinks of illness as a sign of weakness. When his dad was dying of cancer I was surprised how uncaring he was. He seems to find illness a inconveniance. When the kids are ill he doen't seem to take it seriously either though is quite good with the cuddles.
Just hope when we are old I am not too ill.

FlightHattendant Fri 14-Aug-09 19:16:38

It is probably a defence mechanism...if he admitted it he's probably terrified, the more serious and the more he depends on the person, the worse he will feel and the more he'll need to cover up.

Just an idea.

mamas12 Fri 14-Aug-09 23:16:37

Look after yourself, if you get worse it will be worse for him and dcs.
Go on strike fgs go to bed do not pass go and do not do any housework on the way and you will only be let out when you are well and have sufficiently cared for .
Ypir dcs will rally round kids do don't they when you are ill.

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