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What to do - 2 miscarriages and a straying partner possibly - could be long- sorry

(5 Posts)
MumofAdela Thu 13-Aug-09 23:41:34

Ok, thanks for reading. Current situation is I'm in the process of a miscarriage ( 2nd in 6 months ). I'm not feeling great and feel OH not being very supportive and I think he's bored with me, and cheating/planning to cheat.
Now the history. I have a 9 year old from a previous silly and abusive relationship. Met my current partner 2 years ago. In that time he has been brilliant and taken us on as we are, helped me no end with my daughter, but also, when things haven't been good, reverted to the internet and chatted to a past date. About a year ago he had her on facebook, with no privasey setting and I could see what he sent her which was sexual application. when I confronted him, he said it was a joke as friends. A year later, and he did the same thing though he chatted to her online but left himself online so I could read it. They arranged to meet, after a long sexual onversation.

Obviously I now do not trust him. Hes gone distant again.

I know what will be said, just feeling fragile right now. He is a cheat and I should get out?

2rebecca Thu 13-Aug-09 23:53:56

Yes, Although you're upset re the miscarriage if this relationship has run it's course it's maybe as well there are no kids tying you to this bloke. What's a "sexual application"? Sounds very strange. It sounds as though you both need to talk re the future of your relationship. He may just be distant because you are hormonal and unhappy, but it sounds as though you need to sort out your relationship and strengthen it before planning further pregnancies. Why do you say he is a cheat? Do you know he's being adulterous? Why would you want kids with a guy who has sexual conversations with another woman? It all sounds a bit confused.

MumofAdela Fri 14-Aug-09 00:06:30

Good points. He's been online cheating, don't think he's done anything in real life. Facebook has applications you can sign up to and then then send someone "I'd like to f**k you in the kitchen" etc.

I think you have answered my questions. He's made me feel like this with his actions and I wouldn't do the same to him. I must ask him about why he goes online to talk ex's rather than me. Though he doesn't know all I know as he's unaware he has still left himself online.

Yes it is silly situation, but after the last one I hoped he would be "the one".

mathanxiety Fri 14-Aug-09 01:18:55

"I wouldn't do the same to him". He's not such a catch. Sorry you are going through all this, and sorry you are dealing with the recurring miscarriages. I have been there. Very saddening events, just lots of emotional need for comfort and security and you are not getting it from your DP. Take care of yourself as much as you can. Put off decisions about him until you are stronger, but believe what you see, maybe not what he says. Possibly he's responding to stress by this immature behaviour, but it's not a relationship-centered response, so not good for you. His response is to escape to previous gf and the internet when things go wrong? Beware.

nje3006 Fri 14-Aug-09 09:26:31

Look at his actions, not his words. And don't get pg with this man until you have resolved this. Take care of yourself and focus on getting your strength back.

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