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Does anyone talk to their parents about emotions?

(17 Posts)
poshsinglemum Thu 13-Aug-09 11:56:02

I have necver been able to do this. As a child, a problem hidden was a problem solved. Even now if I try to talk to them about something that has upset me they respond with'' What do you want us to do about it?'' I kid you not.
I don't want them to solve my problems but I am a firm believer in talking about feelings as a sort of therapy and so that people know where they stand.
I vow to be open and honest with dd and I crave to emulate those documentories where families ahve proper discusiions around the kitchen table.

I don't get why my parents are so closed off. Surely the best way to help each other is to communicate or mabe they feel hurt if I am unhappy. Mabe they take it personally?

poshsinglemum Thu 13-Aug-09 11:56:29


BodenGroupie Thu 13-Aug-09 12:01:25

Is it an age thing? my mother and my DH's parents were exactly the same. My family was full of secrets.

I cannot discuss any part of my childhood with my mother as she takes it as an accusation.

I've been as open as possible with my two DDs and I think they wish I'd shut up!

poshsinglemum Thu 13-Aug-09 12:07:41

I suspect it is a result of being part of the stiff upper lip generation.

SpawnChorus Thu 13-Aug-09 12:09:02

Dear God NO.

poshsinglemum Thu 13-Aug-09 12:13:58

Ok- so talking to parents about emotions is not the done thing anyway?

randomtask Thu 13-Aug-09 12:23:03

I talk to my parents about my emotions but they never talk about theirs. They're normally the first people I talk to about problems and ask for advice-it would never happen the other way round though but in some ways I think that's right.

Saying that, my MIL talks about her emotions constantly (often in a 'you don't know how I feel' type way) so DH would rather she didn't! She's actually older than my parents and FIL never speaks about his emotions.

So beware of what you wish for. MIL's 'emotions' often mean my family are all stressed and depressed as we're trying not to hurt her feelings and that includes my 8 year old DSS....

CMOTdibbler Thu 13-Aug-09 12:25:07

Gosh, no. But then a couple of months back I realised that I got more genuine hugs from my colleagues than I did from my parents.

My parents would never share their emotions with me either - my dad (73) has only just managed to speak to me even a little about his childhood and what he went through

mrsboogie Thu 13-Aug-09 12:40:46

God no.

BodenGroupie Thu 13-Aug-09 12:44:45

To give you a clue how buttoned up my mother is about everything, I'm still waiting for her to tell me about periods - I'm 47 grin

omaoma Thu 13-Aug-09 14:01:53

jah definitely a generation thing - my parents were war kids and i think there was just so much turmoil going on they just accepted life was often shit and got on with it. the more i learn about parents' family lives (one granddad a japanese prisoner of war who walked out on the family when he got back, one grandmother doodle-f*ckin-lally, t'other granddad incapable of showing love to his kids) the more impressed i am that they managed to bring me and my sisters up well! my dad almost NEVER talks about what he is feeling - just finds it too difficult - but is a very kind, loving man. mum is almost too emotional, only since i had my first child have we managed to have 'adult' conversations where we are honest about what we are both feeling. i found it very hard to forgive them their shortcomings 'til i was a parent myself!

BCNS Thu 13-Aug-09 14:10:52

my mum is a pyscholgist .. so yes we all talk loads about everything feelings and all

the only time I clam up is when I see her analizing me

l39 Thu 13-Aug-09 21:00:26

No. My mum is far too preoccupied with herself to believe that anyone else's feelings exist and I once attempted to 'clear the air' when my dad had hurt my feelings... we didn't talk for over a year! You can't expect people to care about your emotions as an adult if they didn't when you were a child, I think.

supersalstrawberry Thu 13-Aug-09 21:09:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sincitylover Thu 13-Aug-09 21:16:44

no not really and once my mother said to me that the trouble with me was that I analysed everything far too much!! sad

They gloss over things and don't really want to talk about them and I have kept several secrets from them.

They are quite supportive when I moan about exh.

sincitylover Thu 13-Aug-09 21:17:56

And I learnt from an early age not to show any vulnerability as it just leads to criticism from them!! sad

Strive to do better with my own dcs

JigglyPiggy Thu 13-Aug-09 21:19:22

another no here.

like Boden if i try to discuss anything with my mother it is treated as an accusation. she is also excellent at playing the victim. oh and she is fairly vocal on her own emotions but it is never a 2 way street!

i am finally trying to address some issues in my life and it has become apparent that the root cause lies in my childhood.

Part of me wants to discuss these feelings with my mother but then again i know i will not get a positive outcome. But the problem now is how do i deal with this? i feel like im going to explode as its all been contained for years.

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