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I'm not taking his surname now we are married - any tips?

(32 Posts)
padboz Wed 12-Aug-09 15:56:34

Particularly on what I should say my title is when asked? I want to keep my own name - its my name, but I don't feel like a Miss now either. Am I stuck with Ms or can I say Mrs Padboz and opposed to Mrs WhatPadbozHusbandIsCalled?

padboz Wed 12-Aug-09 15:57:11

as opposed


LadyGlencoraPalliser Wed 12-Aug-09 15:57:46

I use Ms, but you can use whatever you like - it has no legal significance in any case, it's just a social convention.

bran Wed 12-Aug-09 15:58:57

I tend to go with Ms because Mrs bran makes me feel like my mother. I don't see any reason why you shouldn't use Mrs if you want though.

padboz Wed 12-Aug-09 15:59:47

People seem to respond oddly to Ms - I have no idea why. Seems a perfectly sensible alternative to me.

CMOTdibbler Wed 12-Aug-09 16:01:05

I use Ms, but my friend chooses to be called Mrs Hername. She did find it tricky getting the bank to change just her honorative though.

LadyGlencoraPalliser Wed 12-Aug-09 16:03:20

What about Lady? I'm not sure that has any legal significance either, I bet you'd get away with it.

ridingjoker Wed 12-Aug-09 16:05:53

you can say mrs padboz if you like. no legal reason why not.

vonsudenfed Wed 12-Aug-09 16:12:22

I'm Ms Vonsudenfed, but then that's what I was anyway, so there wasn't any need to do anything.

As I clearly have a child and husband though, I am routinely called Mrs Vonsudenfed by all and sundry from the gasman onwards. And Mr Othername is often called Mr Vonsudenfed. And then I'm Mrs Othername too, simply because I am my daughter (Little Othername)'s mother. Oh, and my parents and his parents also call me that, despite my express choice on the matter.

Basically, whatever you do, there will be confusion and chaos, so embrace it.

bran Wed 12-Aug-09 16:13:34

How do they respond oddly? I don't think I've ever noticed it. I've had a few cases when either a website doesn't have the option of Ms or someone on the other end of the phone insists that I must be either Miss or Mrs. If online I tend to choose Mr and if on the phone I tell them to pick one at random.

MaggieBelleVirgo Wed 12-Aug-09 16:15:32

Just use Ms. For different reasons mind you. But it's the most appropriate 'title'. There isn't one for have two kids, not that young anymore, never married the wanker anyway grin

People do react oddly to it. For some reason they think it's a statement. Something along the lines of I hate men perhaps. NOt sure, it's really idiotic, and I can't be bothered challenging every nutty old neighbour or acquaintance who says Muzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz are you?!

mumof2222222222222222boys Wed 12-Aug-09 16:18:10

Same as Ms Vonsudenfed.

Don't have any issues with it though.

I do confuse myself occasionally though- did we book the hotel in his name or my name...but it really doesn't matter.

I am usually Ms but quite often Mrs (makes me feel like my mother though so don't like it).

bran Wed 12-Aug-09 16:24:30

I've had more issues with family members than the general population. My maternal aunt refuses to use my surname, but in the early days couldn't remember my DH's surname (it's foreign) so once memorably introduced me as "this is my niece B, I can't remember her surname". hmm Mind you when I got married 18 years ago it wasn't very common in Ireland not to change names so I suppose she thought I would be bound to change it at some stage.

caughtintheact Wed 12-Aug-09 16:25:35

Like Vonsudenfed and mumof2 here, except I also am sometimes dr caughtintheact, and dh is both mr and dr othername. Perhaps the most combinations possible?!

MaggieBelleVirgo Wed 12-Aug-09 16:32:39

Hey Bran, you moved to Ireland yet?!

notamumyetbutoneday Wed 12-Aug-09 16:36:22

Have you thought about going double- barrelled? Both DH and I changed our names to be Mr & Mrs Notamumyet-notamumyetsDHsname. Thankfully they go much much better together than in the example I have given!

We did have to do the deedpoll thing which is a bit of a faff but coincidentally we were just saying te other day how pleased we are that we both did it.

beanieb Wed 12-Aug-09 16:37:43

Why not stick with Miss?

I am recently married and am miss Beanieb or Mrs MRBeanieb on different things.
Mostly I am just Beanieb - that's my name and my Surname. Do you need to give a title that often?

have said before I would never ever ever use Ms. Am fine with Miss.

bran Wed 12-Aug-09 16:42:08

Not for a while yet MBV. Possibly next summer or summer 2011. I'm starting to enjoy looking at though now that the prices are dropping, I used to feel faint and want to put my head between my knees. grin

Why wouldn't you use Ms beanieb?

padboz Wed 12-Aug-09 16:47:39

hey - thanks people. Ms it is!

beanieb Wed 12-Aug-09 16:55:44

I just don't like it at all, I associate it with giving out a certain vibe/message which I don't want to give out. Appreciate that a lot of people do use it and don't worry about the way it is viewed but I just don't want to be giving some people a certain impression of me - Mrs or Miss is just fine for me.

MaggieBelleVirgo Wed 12-Aug-09 16:59:02

the prices on websites are fictional..

My friend just bought this, the lucky beotch! as her holiday home for over a hundred less than the figure on the website

i like and too, and

hours of happy self flagelation browsing..

Metella Wed 12-Aug-09 17:00:26

I am Ms MyName but another woman at work is Mrs HerName - you can do anything you like!!!

My mum could never get her head round it and insisted on addressing post to me as
"Mrs MyName-HisName"

nje3006 Wed 12-Aug-09 18:16:44

I was Ms nje3006 before I got married, all through the marriage and still am the same now I'm divorced. So easy! No change required.

It was much more accepted when I lived in London to be called "Ms" no-one batted an eyelid. Now out in deepest darkest West country, yes people do look sideways at me, you can see them thinking, "oh, one of THEM..!" but I don't let it bother me, I just smile to let them know I know what they're thinking...

Sure it does and did get a bit tedious having to explain that no, XH or current DP was not Mr nje3006 but that's a minor inconvenience compared to taking on a name that's not mine..!

MoominMymbleandMy Wed 12-Aug-09 18:31:29

I am Ms MyName and also MissMyName on various things I never got round to changing. It hasn't presented any problems and no-one bats an eyelid.

My in-laws can't be cured of their habit of addressing post to me as Mrs HisName but it's a minor niggle in the scheme of things.

I don't much like being addressed as Mrs MyName - but that's only happened on maternity wards - because to me that's my mother's name.

elastamum Wed 12-Aug-09 18:56:09

I use Ms, am routinely called mrs X as thats my kids surname. Only other tip is carry a copy of your kids birth certificates when travvelling. i have been asked by immigration to prove they are mine! Although you might think 2 mini me's saying 'comon mum!!!' might be a bit of a giveaway grin

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