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marriage meltdown

(7 Posts)
flower68 Tue 11-Aug-09 19:07:37

I'd really appreciate some advice. My marriage has been in difficulties for some time, we've always had a volatile relationship with loads of furious rows. But in the last 24 hours things seem to have reached a new low and I think I need to draw a line under my husband's behaviour and maybe move out for a while with the kids.
Basically we have had a very row-ey day caused by some stress over our holiday plans. I called him outside to the garden because our neighbour who has a drink problem was effing and blinding and I wanted his input on how to deal with. Of course she stopped the minute he came out and he couldn't see what the problem was. He was trying to get to work and eventually said in a very arsey tone that he could stand round waiting for her to start up again or go to work and he knew what he was going to do.

I said that I found his approach completely unsupportive, he basically turned round and said :"who is the white trash, you or her?"

I just can't believe things have reached the point where he would say that. I basically forced him out of the front door (he was going to work anyway) and told him not to come back.

We are supposed to be going away for week's holiday in France on Friday. I'm really loath to cancel it but I think I need to make a stand about this.

Please advise. He has been under a lot of stress and I have been made redundant but this is just not alright.

margobambino Tue 11-Aug-09 23:00:55

Hi Flower68,
I am not sure how to advise although I do understand how you might feel now. I just wanted to bump for you so someone else may come up with some good advice.
Take care and good luck.

Spaceman Tue 11-Aug-09 23:08:00

It's probably not alright! But my DH went through a similar mental phase a couple of years ago. He was under stress and had a bad back - no excuse I know - but we did get through it and he is generally quite lovely now. I stuck it out for a year or so and had him balling in my face calling me names and all sorts. He knows he's had his chances and I'd walk rather than go through it again. I had to absolutely lay down the line and ended up just calmly saying I hated him and I wanted him to leave. I think when he knew I was serious he had to pull himself together. Sorry to blab on, but I suppose you need to take rational action one way or the other. Tell him to sort it out, give him a timescale (maybe the holiday) and make HIM leave, not you and the kids. Why take the kids out of their home to accommodate a nutcase DH?

LovingtheSilverFox Tue 11-Aug-09 23:09:29

Flower, I can't advise either, but wanted to add my support. It sounds like you are both under a huge amount of stress right now, although that might not excuse his insult to you.

Good luck x

Stretch Tue 11-Aug-09 23:23:35

I have no advice either, but I am in a similar situation.

DH stressed/working hard/baby due in 5 weeks/lots to organise/I'm in a lot of pain..He is very tired all the time, but what does he do? He's sat here now slumped in front of the TV, nodding off. He has to be up at 6am so he won't be getting any proper sleep tonight.

We have just had another row where he told me to fuck off again and I am sooo considering it! angry Then, tomorrow he will ring and say sorry, was tired, just feeling down blah blah and if I say it's not good enough, I don't want to be your verbal punchbag, he'll get arsey and all, "I'm trying to apologise!" hmm

It just seems to be a never ending downward spiral, with things getting worse and us both saying horrible things, then back to normal for a bit.sad

Worst thing is, all it would take to start things moving again would be for him to go bed earlier, cut down on the drinking and to do a bit more exercise (he loves to run, but he hasn't got 'time' to!) It worked for a short while before, until he decided he couldn't be arsed to stick with it!!

blush Sorry, going on about my own problems now.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Wed 12-Aug-09 08:51:08

I had a phase like this with DH recently (April-May). I knew what was bothering him deep down but it wasn't until he admitted it that things started to get better. No advice really but it won't necessarily always be like this. Just try to keep communication open (when he's not being a cock that is) Good luck.

SammyK Wed 12-Aug-09 09:16:48

"we've always had a volatile relationship with loads of furious rows"

even without your present situation, this is not a situation I would be happy to live in with my dcs.

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