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DH Moaning about flat untidy!?anyone

(17 Posts)
Calmriver Wed 25-May-05 13:54:52

Hi, my Dh and I are really close, but he gets so stressed out about the flat not being as tidy as it was before dd. I find it difficult, as dd demands alot of my time obviously. when she is napping, I am tired and just want to rest. I don't have energy to make sure all clothes are washed, dried,folded and put away, let alone washing up(he doesn't mind doing it, but I feel bad as he works long days)vacuuming bla bla bla.

I make sure the flat is clean enough for us to live in, and I prefer to spend the rest of the time giving dd the love and att she wants!

Anyone else got similar issues!

huggybear Wed 25-May-05 13:56:08

are you me? i could have typed the exact same thing!

tarantula Wed 25-May-05 13:59:15

If he dont like it tell him to do it. I cant talk mind as im at work all day and dp keeps the house clean Not that Id dream of moaning it if it wasn't and I do help when I get home.

tho I did notice he hadnt hoovered under the sofa yesterday day joke honest!!!!!!

Bugsy2 Wed 25-May-05 14:04:08

So many people seem to find this a problem after their offspring arrive.
If you were working and you were suddenly given a vast new project, it is unlikely that you would be expected to do everything you used to with the same seemless efficiency as well as the vast new project.
So how is it, that after we have had a baby and have shedloads to do looking after it, we are still expected to keep everything else going just like we did before?
Can you talk to him about this & if it is really a big deal for him, suggest he employs an ironing service or cleaner.

Calmriver Wed 25-May-05 14:05:11

It just frustrates me so much. grrrrrooowwwwlllll!!!!!!!!!
last night I felt so bad, that to prove a point(don't ask me what point) I stayed up till 3am cleaning!Made him feel a bit bad I think! I even cleaned all the windows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

stitch Wed 25-May-05 14:06:38

yyes, story of married life i think.

Calmriver Wed 25-May-05 14:08:29

The big problem is that his mother is a cleanliness freak! Obviously he can't rmember when they were really young, butshe is quite obsessive.
Nothing p**s me off more than when she comes over and finds something to clean in our kitchen!!!!!!!!!

Nemo1977 Wed 25-May-05 14:09:06

MY dh used to have this issue until i left him with ds for a day and asked him to do all the things he thought i should do. When i came home the house was same as when i left so i said what have u done...he jus tlooked and said ds just wanted to do stuff so i did..since then he doesnt say anything

Bugsy2 Wed 25-May-05 14:17:38

Calmriver, if you'll forgive me for saying this - the burning martyr thing is a big mistake. I've been there & done that. He won't feel bad & next time he won't understand why you are not prepared to stay up until 3am to do it again.
Be a bit bolshy & tell him, if being clean & tidy is that important, then he wont mind going without a few beers/a few cigarettes/new CDs/new DVDs or whatever he treats himself to, in order to pay for a cleaner or ironing service.
Don't be bullied into doing things you don't have the time or energy to do. Don't, don't, DON'T!!!!!

Iklboo Wed 25-May-05 14:26:38

Oh crikey! If either my mum or MIL (who I love to bits) came over and started cleaning in my kitchen I would go super-nuclear! That's a step too far for me.

Twiglett Wed 25-May-05 14:27:45

get a cleaner

you work long days too

Calmriver Wed 25-May-05 14:29:15

My dh doesn't actually treat himself to much. he doesn't drink, smoke,spend any money on himself at all. He loves golf, but hasn't played that either in the last 6 months. Seriously, he works 10-13 hour shifts a day,5-6 days a week.
I'm so tired today, don't worry, I won't be doing that again!(LOL)

Calmriver Wed 25-May-05 14:30:51

You not wrong about the cleaning, her doing that, makes me feel as though I am not capable of looking after my family!It's offensive!

oatcake Wed 25-May-05 14:35:27

calmriver and iklboo ! when ds was 3 weeks old, dad and stepmum came to visit and i told everyone how she's obsessively clean and tidy and would clean the place up for me... unfortunatly, my dad had got it in his head that I resented this intrusion and told her to let me do everything!

was mightily peed off with dad as I was looking forward to a bit of help with the housework and had saved it up for her! She sat there with her fringers twitching, dying to clean up, bless her!

Calmriver. The only way I cope with 'living off' my husband, is that if he were to employ someone to undertake child care duties, cook and clean, it would cost him around £40kpa (according to radio 4). So if housework is not up to your dh's expectations, agree with the suggestions that he should consider employing a cleaner.

oatcake Wed 25-May-05 14:36:14

Perhaps I have no pride!

Calmriver Wed 25-May-05 14:38:57

Thanks all! I really do appreciate it.

tarantula Wed 25-May-05 14:46:30

lol Oatcake Id be the same.

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