My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

is incest neccessarily always bad?... sorry this is sensitive.

142 replies

namechanging2008 · 07/08/2009 20:43

been told today that some very close family members are involved in a relationship.

i started off thinking my god this is so wrong, but feel they talked me round.

sorry for namechange, im totally at sea now.

they are very closely related, same age, both consensual, both determined their love will be enough, they know it means they cant have children.

i cant believe it. they want my support.

i dont know what to do.

i want to tell them its ok, but is it?

OP posts:
Report
FabBakerGirlIsBack · 07/08/2009 20:44

No

Report
StinkyFart · 07/08/2009 20:44

no it's not okay

Report
ForExample · 07/08/2009 20:45

what's their relationship? first cousins? step siblings? half-siblings? siblings?

Report
namechanging2008 · 07/08/2009 20:45

really?

thats what i thought initially...

but why? why is it not ok if its not hurting anyone else?

OP posts:
Report
BitOfFun · 07/08/2009 20:45

Genetic Sexual Attraction

Report
QOD · 07/08/2009 20:45

no

But if they are cousins, it is legal - any closer than that is a no. So half or full siblings?

Report
namechanging2008 · 07/08/2009 20:45

forExample... siblings.

god i cant believe this.

OP posts:
Report
SixtyFootDoll · 07/08/2009 20:46

It's illegal?

Report
HecatesTwopenceworth · 07/08/2009 20:46

Really depends on the circumstances imo.

Very close family members? cousins? that's ok. other close family relationship might be ok, depends on SO many things - who they are, how it started, how old they are, the exact circumstances etc etc.

I really don't think you can say "No. Wrong." without knowing the full details.

Report
wingandprayer · 07/08/2009 20:46

No. But they will both need a lot of help to come to terms with this. Being their friend and ensuring they get that help is probably only way this will end well.

Report
Mintyy · 07/08/2009 20:46

What relation are they to each other?

When you say "very closely related, same age" - if you mean exactly same age then they can only be twins or cousins.

I don't think cousins is illegal, is it?

Report
namechanging2008 · 07/08/2009 20:46

full siblings but we didnt all grow up together all the time because of various bad family issues.

OP posts:
Report
ClaireDeLoon · 07/08/2009 20:47

It really depends on their history, how closely related they are etc surely? I mean if they are cousins that's very different to if they are siblings. And if they didn't grow up together then again that adds a different layer.

Report
HecatesTwopenceworth · 07/08/2009 20:47

oh. xpost. siblings. full biological siblings?

well, it is a taboo in our society. did they meet as adults? someone up thread mentioned GSA. is that it?

Report
namechanging2008 · 07/08/2009 20:47

thanks hecate.

minty... yes twins.

OP posts:
Report
MaggieBeauVirgo · 07/08/2009 20:47

Well if they are cousins, then, well, wouldn't be for me, but it's normal in some cultures. I do think that they're not hurting anybody but I think that they shouldn't have children. Well, I don't know, maybe they should take medical advice on that, if it comes to it.

Report
ForExample · 07/08/2009 20:48

it's Not On with caps.

Did they grow up together? I know there is a thing where closely related people who don't grow up together, even between mums and children, meet, knowing the relationship, and are attracted to each other. Is that BoF's link?

Report
ForExample · 07/08/2009 20:49

Maggie they are twins.

Report
Jaquelinehyde · 07/08/2009 20:49

Can we possibly ask how close is very close.

My initial instincts tell me that no it isn't OK. There is no more I can really say with no other information.

In reality only you know the people involved and only you can judge whether it's OK or not. If you are uncomfortable with it then you must tell them that. Trying to play along will only end in tears.

Report
namechanging2008 · 07/08/2009 20:49

dont know what GSA is sorry...

we all led fractured living arrangements... we met up now and then when we were younger, various foster arrangements.

in our 30's.

been going on for a year they say.

OP posts:
Report
ClaireDeLoon · 07/08/2009 20:49

No, twins is not on, IMO.

Report
ForExample · 07/08/2009 20:50

Have a look at Bit of Fun's link

Report
ClaireDeLoon · 07/08/2009 20:50

You said in your OP that it was close family memebers and then you said you didn;t all grow up together - does that mean you are a sibling to these twins?

Report
namechanging2008 · 07/08/2009 20:51

close is sexual relationship.

they have accepted they wont have children.

He is planning a vascectomy, sorry prob wrong spelling.

they really, really love each other. they've oboth been in such bad situations before and tthey seem so much better now, together.

OP posts:
Report
SixtyFootDoll · 07/08/2009 20:51

Sorry it is so not OK

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.