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It shouldn't bother me but it does- but why- daren't post on AIBU!

(14 Posts)
yawningprincess Fri 07-Aug-09 20:37:39

I have long running problems with my MIL- with my dd1 it was down to PND- I only had a mild form of anxiety but it festered away and I was paranoid that my MIL was makng my dd1 love her more and it boiled down to her calling her 'HER blue eyed daughter she always wanted;, hating me bf, not understanding why I wanted to wait until my dd was 6 months until I weaned her and also finding it strange that I wanted to cook all my dd's food and not give her jars. I tried to involve her by encourgaging her to make her dishes but she still stocked her cupboards with jars!

It pains me that they expect us to go round every weekend andit's not for an hour, it's literally 4 and you can't get away earlier because she really won't let you leave.. just 5 more minutes- god they see them weekly!! And sometimes in the week if she manages to pin me down. What bugs me is that we always have to go to their house and sit there while they let the kids trash the house! But I'm told 'it's fine it's grannies house ' what she fails to see is that I do have rules in my house but I know live and let live and its here house!

Anyway whats bugging me is that my sil who is 28 has a strange kind of longing for the kids, she is always round there and tmrw I suggested instead of sitting stagnant round their house on a lovely day we should go to the park, my MIL said that she would bring my SIL along bearing in mind my FIL is coming too so it's not as if she is on her own. But MIL was faffing about the time as she would have to pick sil up as she doesn't drive - I mean for christ sake. So basically my dd1 is going to have to preform for the 3 of them as they won't just let her be and run round.

Another trivial thing is that one of my dh's aunties has given all of her dd toys to us which was really kind, she has sent them to my mil's house and my mil won't part with them, she wants them at her house, which all includes a dressing table!!?? WTF- when is she going to use it???? Anyway sil dropped a bolluck the other day and said that her mom is keeping everything so that when SHE has her children and SHE starts herchildminding business she can use all the stuff- I'm like whatever but my MIL told me I should sent vouchers to DH's auntie as a sign of saying thank you- FOR WHAT???? She's kept everything at her house!!!!!!

Anyway I have tried not going round every weekend and only doing it fortnightly but we have to put up with an hour of ' gosh hasn't dd changed so much' it's enough to make you want to cheese grate your eyeballs!

I'm dreading tmrw now as whenever dil is there my mil completely blanks me an spends the whole time saying 'look dil dd can this' and 'she's learnt how to do this' etc. I do try but it gets embaressing. My dh hates going out with them as their over enthusiasm is a bit of a public spectacul.

Anyway I could yarn on!!!!!!

FabBakerGirlIsBack Fri 07-Aug-09 20:39:23

Please don't.

ForExample Fri 07-Aug-09 20:41:30

Sounds like my mum. Drove me mad while she was alive. Miss it now she's dead.

GirlsAreLoud Fri 07-Aug-09 20:41:35

Sorry what's the actual question?

That whole post just reads to me that your MIL really loves to see her granddaughter, what are you so vexed about?

bigchris Fri 07-Aug-09 20:47:14

aw she does sound a pain

when i see my mil it involvds a whole weekend and a six hour drive twice

four hours once a fortnight sounds ok to me

Doha Fri 07-Aug-09 20:53:42

YANBI this would drive me nuts

Stick to every 2 weeks don't let thme grind you down and suggest sweetly that they come visit you so that DC's can play with their own toys.

Your DC's will grow up quickly--too quickly even---so it will pass. Weekends are for you and your DH and DC's to enjoy spending tome together.It sounds as if you dread these weekend visits.

Put your foot down now. You wont be popular but hey ho such is life grin

Tryharder Fri 07-Aug-09 21:29:04

YABU. Oh sorry, this isn't AIBU is it?!!

As GirlsAreAloud said, your MIL really loves her granddaughter. There are plenty on here complaining about gps who couldn't care less about their gcs so I think you are making a fuss about nothing.

Why don't you let your DD visit her grandparents by herself so you don't have to sit there seething. I hope my DSs don't marry someone as intolerant as you btw!!

GirlsAreLoud Fri 07-Aug-09 21:38:27

I do have a solution to this though:

"I tried to involve her by encourgaging her to make her dishes but she still stocked her cupboards with jars!"

Do your own cooking and give it to her to put in her freezer?

Hassled Fri 07-Aug-09 21:42:17

Does nobody else think that having to spend 4 hours at a MIL's house every weekend while your child is allowed to do what they want is perhaps a tad excessive? I do. I like my MIL very much but couldn't cope with 4 hours every week.

OP - you need to a) get whatever changes you want clear in your mind (for example, stick to your guns re fortnightly visits), b) get your DH on board, c) get your DH to make the changes and d) try to see the positives in it - your DD has a grandmother who loves her a lot.

GirlsAreLoud Fri 07-Aug-09 21:44:54

She doesn't have to though, does she?

mrsboogie Fri 07-Aug-09 21:49:14

She sounds a bit overbearing but it is coming from the right place I guess. Is your DD the only GC? Don't blame you for feeling how you do. Is your daughter old enough to be dropped off there for a few hours instead of you having to hang around? You and your DH could go for a nice relaxing drink/coffee/walk?

I wouldn't worry about the jars or whatever she is fed- it won't do her any harm.

Best thing is to figure out what you can live with and decide to let it wash over you, what you can't live with your DH must approach them about and as for the 4 hr visits - drop her off and make use of the free time!

It would be worse if they weren't interested in her or favoured other GC over her wouldn't it?

GeneHunt Fri 07-Aug-09 21:52:29

Can you drop your daughter off and enjoy some time to yourself?

Sugarkane Fri 07-Aug-09 22:08:47

I can kind of see where you are comming from, my MIL insists on getting DD a new toy out everytime I try to feed her, even though she knows im worried about her loosing weight and not eating enough recently. She for the life of her cant understand why I wouldnt give my dd of 14 months Irn-Bru or fizzy juice as in her words, it never did us any harm, but she has the best intentions at heart loves dd to pieces, although I havent left dd alone with anyone yet she would have her at the drop of a hat and really what harm can too much love do???

piscesmoon Fri 07-Aug-09 22:32:52

I agree with GeneHunt-drop your DD off-they can all enjoy themselves and you have some time to yourself.

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