I don't know if any regulars will remember me,but I posted over a short period regarding an abusive relationship I was in. Without going into any detail, I just wanted to let those who remember me know that I finally left (after 7 years with him),taking my 2 year old and newborn, and moved 150 miles away.
I'm nowliving in the same village as my sister and all my other family are around. My toddler plays with her cousins in the village. She's happy.
He did visit once to drop off some of my belongings, it went pear-shaped, except this time one sister was here in minutes, the other sister deployed her husband to be on guard outside my house, and the next day my brother arrived to have 'quiet words' with my ex. My ex had his tail between his legs thereafter. He may maintain contact with his children, but since he now realises I have support nearby, everyuthing's changed.
It took me 6.5 years to get to this stage and I think I only managed it because my mother actually organised everything for me; removals, people to help move me, finding a new rented house, courage support, all of it. It was too overwhelming moving house in this instance because of the hidden threats of what might happen if my ex discovered my plans. I always said I'd make the 6 'o clock news for the wrong reasons. You might remember the dad who jumped out of the hotel window with his kids...my scenario could have been similar if he'd found out.
I still don't know why women take so long to leave abusive relationships, but from my experience, it was because I wasnt brave enough to do it because I was scared of the consequences, and also because I still loved this person. It wasnt until I realised I no longer loved him, that I felt courage enough to see it through.
I've since found out, both my sisters have been through this and alarmingly, one of them still is, though naturally she underplays it. But I know the warning signs now. I can sit in someone's front room and notice battle scars now, like broken lampshades, splintered door frames, broken ornaments, evidence of punch-holes in interior doors (roughly patched up with mdf), sideboard doors hanging off hinges where kicked,...
I have realised that this goes on more than we like to think, that's perhaps it's the norm rather than the exception, albeit in varying degrees, not neccessarily as extreme as mine.
Take care all and thankyou for being a listening ear during a difficult time that's now over. Now Free ...
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UPDATE ON MILKMONSTER'S DOMESTIC VIOLENCE...if you remember me
milkmonster · 07/08/2009 00:49
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