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UPDATE ON MILKMONSTER'S DOMESTIC VIOLENCE...if you remember me

(39 Posts)
milkmonster Fri 07-Aug-09 00:49:20

I don't know if any regulars will remember me,but I posted over a short period regarding an abusive relationship I was in. Without going into any detail, I just wanted to let those who remember me know that I finally left (after 7 years with him),taking my 2 year old and newborn, and moved 150 miles away.

I'm nowliving in the same village as my sister and all my other family are around. My toddler plays with her cousins in the village. She's happy.

He did visit once to drop off some of my belongings, it went pear-shaped, except this time one sister was here in minutes, the other sister deployed her husband to be on guard outside my house, and the next day my brother arrived to have 'quiet words' with my ex. My ex had his tail between his legs thereafter. He may maintain contact with his children, but since he now realises I have support nearby, everyuthing's changed.

It took me 6.5 years to get to this stage and I think I only managed it because my mother actually organised everything for me; removals, people to help move me, finding a new rented house, courage support, all of it. It was too overwhelming moving house in this instance because of the hidden threats of what might happen if my ex discovered my plans. I always said I'd make the 6 'o clock news for the wrong reasons. You might remember the dad who jumped out of the hotel window with his kids...my scenario could have been similar if he'd found out.

I still don't know why women take so long to leave abusive relationships, but from my experience, it was because I wasnt brave enough to do it because I was scared of the consequences, and also because I still loved this person. It wasnt until I realised I no longer loved him, that I felt courage enough to see it through.

I've since found out, both my sisters have been through this and alarmingly, one of them ^still is^, though naturally she underplays it. But I know the warning signs now. I can sit in someone's front room and notice battle scars now, like broken lampshades, splintered door frames, broken ornaments, evidence of punch-holes in interior doors (roughly patched up with mdf), sideboard doors hanging off hinges where kicked,...

I have realised that this goes on more than we like to think, that's perhaps it's the norm rather than the exception, albeit in varying degrees, not neccessarily as extreme as mine.

Take care all and thankyou for being a listening ear during a difficult time that's now over. Now Free ...

Jacksmama Fri 07-Aug-09 00:51:35

Wow. Congratulations. Well done you. [pat on back emoticon] What a fabulous mum and family you have.
(Was probably not a regular when this was happening to you but couldn't read and not post.)

CillySunt Fri 07-Aug-09 00:52:29

Well done!

lucymum2four Fri 07-Aug-09 00:53:04

good girl...
Be happy xx

MuthaHubbard Fri 07-Aug-09 01:00:38

Wow you are a strong woman and a fab mum.

Well done xx

therealme Fri 07-Aug-09 01:55:27

Milkmonster, thank you for telling me your happy ending. I am at the start of your original story in that I have recently acknowledged that I am married to an abusive man, and am now at the point where I must prepare to leave with my 3 dc. I have only recently admitted the truth about my life to my family and, although I no longer live in the UK, they have committed themselves to being here when i finally make my break for freedom. It is a terrifying experience to leave the comfort of your familiar life, no matter how horrendous it sounds to others, to go it alone when you have been led to believe you are dependent on your abuser.

Your story is exactly what I needed to hear right now. I dream of a life where I do not have to answer for every action or non action that I make. I shall will myself to stay strong so that I too may have that happy ending. x

screamingabdab Fri 07-Aug-09 06:23:38

Thankyou, and bloody well done.

I'm sure your story will help give hope to other women in your situation

BottySpottom Fri 07-Aug-09 10:19:29

Fantastic, well done!

Mamazon Fri 07-Aug-09 10:23:23

thats one of the most heartwarming posts for a long long time.

Im so glad you have managed to leave and have moved on.

Its terrible news about your sister but lets hope that she takes courage from what you have done, that she can see first hand how happy you are now that you have left.

I wish you continued happiness.

MmeLindt Fri 07-Aug-09 10:37:49

Well done

PurplePillowsinGryffindorTower Fri 07-Aug-09 10:41:27

Well Done grin

BeautifulFlame Fri 07-Aug-09 12:13:44

That is fantastic news. Wishing you a very happy and safe future for you and your children.

NicknameTaken Fri 07-Aug-09 12:48:21

I think a lot of readers/lurkers might take heart from your story. Congratulations - and I´m so glad we never got to see you on the news!

CyradisTheSeer Fri 07-Aug-09 19:57:22

Message withdrawn

growingout Fri 07-Aug-09 20:03:51

Message withdrawn

OrmIrian Fri 07-Aug-09 20:06:42

Well done milkmonster. That is good to hear.

Mintyy Fri 07-Aug-09 20:08:38

What a wonderful outcome. Am so very pleased for you and your dc. You should be extremely proud of yourself. I hope that your sisters feel able to follow suit in due course. Big round of applause and whoop whoops grin.

TeamEdward Fri 07-Aug-09 20:13:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KIMItheThreadSlayer Fri 07-Aug-09 20:20:45

Well done

RealityIsHavingAPartay Fri 07-Aug-09 20:48:59

Message withdrawn

2cats2many Fri 07-Aug-09 21:05:08

smile Wishing you lots of happy days ahead.

nickelbabe Sat 08-Aug-09 12:46:28

i'm so happy for you milkmonster.
good luck with your new life.
smile

dittany Sat 08-Aug-09 12:51:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GypsyMoth Sat 08-Aug-09 12:56:05

well done you. i also escaped dv with my 4 dc. its great isn't it!!??

you had your mum,thats great.

if there is no mum,thats where womens aid step in,they will do the same as a mum would for others. remember that everyone!!

edam Sat 08-Aug-09 13:02:11

So glad for you and your kids, Milkmonster. Hope your sister learns from your story.

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