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feeling weak!!! ex is messing with my head again...mrsboogie if your there please help :)

(15 Posts)
missylea Wed 05-Aug-09 20:44:16

Mrs Boogie you know the story already but wont go into to much detail. I have planned a lovely holiday abroad with dc and from a few weeks ago ex has been beggin me to give him another chance as he is controlling and certain things happened within the relationship that i think i cannot forgive. Something else now has happened with me and one of his family members and he has continued to let her treat me this way. He has went from wanting to get anger management, saying we are his family now (which before never really included my 2 ds)and that i am his priority to he will never fall out with a family member over me and thats not what i was even expecting him to do but feel betrayed again as thought he would stick up for me as he is very confrontional with most other people! He has twisted all this around onto me again saying that i will never be happy even when he has been trying and taking steps to go to anger management..... Once again making me feel like shit and only 2 days to go to my holiday with my dcs and im frightened that i will go away and feel depressed. It was scarey enough booking this holiday for myself and my 2 ds. please help me i feel so sad when this should be an exciting time for me and my boys..... why is he getting into my head again, Im drained and tired and exhausted with it all.

Niftyblue Wed 05-Aug-09 21:07:49

You need abreak
A change of scenary (sp)
Once on holiday you will be able to relax and re-charge

Don`t let him spoil it for you
Go and have a good time smile

missylea Wed 05-Aug-09 21:47:19

thank you niftyblue. I have been looking forward to going and spending quality time with my boys as while in the relationsip he made a difference with them and our ds. Just need some encouragement and reassurance that i will be ok on my own with the boys as well.

Niftyblue Wed 05-Aug-09 21:51:25

You will be fine on your own with the Ds`s
HONEST you will
the lads will have a great time

Just go and enjoy it PLEASE
its just what you need wink

mamas12 Wed 05-Aug-09 22:11:30

Sounds as though he is trying to spoil your holiday.
Don't let him. Go and have a fab time and recharge your family batteries with your dcs and deal with when you come back.
Don't speak to him while away okay.

missylea Wed 05-Aug-09 22:24:27

Im so drained dealing with him it just goes round in circles. I know i wont speak to him while away but he will probably text me and expect a response as he is keeping our baby while we go and i know the baby will be totally well looked after i think he will pull on my heartstrings and play on it about the baby

Niftyblue Wed 05-Aug-09 22:30:56

Yes he may play at the heartstrings`..Its him playing a game

But you are on holiday with your other DS`s
go and chill and get everything into perpective(sp)

Niftyblue Wed 05-Aug-09 22:32:03

Perspective I mean

missylea Wed 05-Aug-09 22:33:51

oh i know it is! But he will probably say to his family or friends she never rang once to see how the baby was??? I suppose i shouldnt care what he tells them as i know what kind of a mother i am. Thats why i booked this holiday to spend quality time with my older children as he made them feel so left out.

mrsboogie Wed 05-Aug-09 22:41:55

sorry I didn't see this sooner missy

Don't you think this is a bit too much of a coincidence that it has blown up like this 2 days from your holiday?? Oh and I am so so glad that you managed to find one and get it booked and everything. Do you see how much you don't need this man?

Please listen, I know it wasn't easy for you to get this holiday sorted but you did and you have a lovely lovely time ahead of you with your boys and away from all these people. Do not let him spoil it or else I will come over there and slap you with a wet fish!! I know you probably had to tell him you were going away but he will be raging - how dare you be happy? how dare you sort something nice out for yourself without him?. How dare you go away on holiday? You are supposed to be weak and lost and miserable without him.

There's him going to the trouble of making up all this guff and blether about going to anger management classes and there you go and book a holiday instead of welcoming him back with open arms? How very dare you! wouldn't it just be a terrible shame if some sort of row came along and spoiled the holiday for you?

Was the latest problem with his sister? We know she doesn't know where her loyalties should lie.

In the end though what is the result of this latest crap? You are still going on holiday and he has once again shown you that he does not mean a word he ever says to you. It is all bullshit to trick you into letting him back into your life. Trouble is he can never keep the sham up for long enough to get you can he?

Please forget all of this, put it out of your mind and have a lovely time with your boys. You all deserve it so much and you deserve a break from these people. You will have a chance to see how much better your lives would be without them messing things about all the time (which is what he will be worried about)

This is just a game he wants to win. He wants to get one over on you. Do not let him. You are smarter than him.

mrsboogie Wed 05-Aug-09 22:49:55

is there anyone at all that you can ask to ring him for you to check on the baby while you are away? if you could get someone to ring him every day and say that you have no coverage or something , so that he cannot say you haven't been checking how the baby is but you don't have to speak to him it would be perfect. This person could say they are ringing you at your hotel later or whatever.

Either that or just do not rise to his texts. easier said than done, I know.

You already know he is playing mind games with you - you have to find ways to stop him from messing with your head. Otherwise he will just keep at it and at it until the easiest thing is to give in. And you already know that there is no happy ending for anyone if that happens.

mamas12 Wed 05-Aug-09 22:52:05

Go mrsboogie.
missylea we are all behind you
Go and have your much needed holiday and love every minute of it.

missylea Wed 05-Aug-09 23:04:37

Ah thank you so much. Mrsboogie i really appreciate you replying as you have replied to all my threads throughout this whole "ordeal" and have always put my mind at ease and made me really think about things. I know you are right he will be raging that i am doing something for myself. You see he had booked a holidays 3 weeks ago for just him and me and then i refused to go with him so he changed the name and went with a friend! and this is what i got when he came back that he made a mistake blah blah blah so he cant say anything about me going on holiday with my boys not that that would matter anyways. Feeling more positive now about the whole thing now getting into the holiday mood now, waxing tomorrow, hair done and then spray tan so i will look my absolute best! ps All inclusive too so boys can do as they please and i can chill and read and do as i like! (hopefully)
Thanks again so much for your replies they mean a lot to me xxx

Niftyblue Wed 05-Aug-09 23:20:19

i want to know all about it
When you get back

mrsboogie Wed 05-Aug-09 23:22:20

sounds fab missy I hope you have a lovely time!

and do not let anything (him) spoil it between now and setting off wink

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